SIGforum
How do I help s friend from Church who seems to be addicted to porn?
March 04, 2017, 08:58 AM
rusbroHow do I help s friend from Church who seems to be addicted to porn?
There may be a faith-based counseling center in the area with real counselors who don't force religion on those they help, and who have a sliding-scale payment system. For example, in the Dallas area, the Pastoral Counseling Center is such an operation, I've heard. (My father was a hospital chaplain and got a lot of people help over the years.)
March 04, 2017, 09:05 AM
Russ59Your friend wants help. While his bishop may not be a professional, he's dealt with addiction and can provide resources and direction. He can also help your friend stay accountable.
https://www.overcomingpornography.org/?lang=enghttps://www.lds.org/topics/por...raphy-users?lang=enghttps://www.mormonchannel.org/...covery-program-audioThe LDS church also offers assistance to professional counselors.
P229
March 04, 2017, 09:11 AM
AeteoclesI don't even understand how you spend enough money on porn to wreck your finances. He must be spending a lot of money on the live webcam stuff, maybe even the illegal stuff. If it's the illegal stuff, finding help might be hard.
March 04, 2017, 09:51 AM
OzarkwoodsIt's an addiction, like drugs, alcohol, gambling, unless he is asking for help all of your efforts will be in vein. I know I had family who were addicted to alcohol. No matter how many times we placed them in treatment, nothing took until they came to terms with their addiction and placed themselves into treatment. Try to find good treatment programs call and see if they have openings. Bring that list to him and have him take ownership and make the call. He has to put himself in. If he feels forced or if any part of that process is not his choice odds are it won't take.
ΜΟΛΩΝ ΛΑΒΕ
March 04, 2017, 10:09 AM
RHINOWSOFirst, plenty of free porn out there.
Second, it's highly unlikely his wife will do the shit he's watching.
Third, if he'd going to blow that much on porn, he might as well get high end hookers.
Fourth, it's all in his head. Maybe since he's a dumpy computer nerd, it's his only outlet. Married, kids, wife only offers sex once and month / holidays.
Yeah, he's a moron for paying for it, but it's not like millions of guys and gals look a porn.
March 04, 2017, 10:11 AM
mark123I hope none of you guys ever sit in a jury. Sheesh, a guy asks for advice and you turn his friend into the Hitler of child pornography.
March 04, 2017, 10:21 AM
dsmackquote:
Originally posted by mark123:
I hope none of you guys ever sit in a jury. Sheesh, a guy asks for advice and you turn his friend into the Hitler of child pornography.
No they haven't, Mark! They only mentioned the possibility of child porn being part of the problem, and that if it is true, serious legal implications change the problem significantly!!
The message was, "Be Careful! in my view...
Don
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Living the Dream... One Day at a Time.
March 04, 2017, 10:25 AM
bubbatimeI wouldn't touch this one with a 5 inch hard wood pole. I'd tell them to seek professional help and leave it at that.
______________________________________________________
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March 04, 2017, 10:37 AM
DaveLIs he doing this from home? If he truly wants help he needs to make a commitment (in writing would be best) to his wife and his friends, all of whom will help hold him accountable. After that, no internet access without supervision until an IT professional can install a firewall that blocks pornography. Wife should have the passwords.
I'm mostly making suggestions after the commitment part but the idea is he needs to take definite and substantial action immediately. This is a lot like alcohol- most people can cope with it in moderation but some folks need to quit entirely before it ruins their lives.
March 04, 2017, 11:09 AM
Palmquote:
Originally posted by dsmack:
quote:
Originally posted by mark123:
I hope none of you guys ever sit in a jury. Sheesh, a guy asks for advice and you turn his friend into the Hitler of child pornography.
No they haven't, Mark! They only mentioned the possibility of child porn being part of the problem, and that if it is true, serious legal implications change the problem significantly!!
The message was, "Be Careful! in my view...
Don
Yes I certainly wasn't making assumptions that it was kiddie porn, just saying that if it is it would be a totally different ballgame.
March 04, 2017, 11:37 AM
SapperSteelquote:
Originally posted by sidss1:
well, I have this friend, about 34 yrs old, he is a regular at our Church. Seems to have a wonderful family, with a wife and 3 kids. Now I find out that he has a massive porn addiction, and spends a lot of money and time watching porn on the internet. The result is that his family finances are all messed up, and his relationship with his wife is also all messed up.
What should I do to help? Or should I stay out of the situation? It is a kind of delicate situation, and my friend has told me of his addiction and said he needs help. I have never faced this sort a situation ever in my life, and I dont know what to do.
Could the SigForum friends with life experience give me some pointers of how to handle the situation?
The only thing I have done is to ask him to set up a meeting with our Bishop, and to go and ask the Bishop for help in resolving this situation he finds himself in.
Thank you guys in advance. Thank you.
The LDS Church has an addiction recovery program, usually run by senior missionaries (retired people) who have a background in medical/psychological sciences.
Your friend should look into enrolling into that program.
Thanks,
Sap
March 04, 2017, 11:44 AM
tanksoldierFrom the way the OP was worded I suspect they're Mormons. If so, the LDS have a huge "porn addiction" program. Their Bishop would be just the person to get them started.
If they aren't LDS the Mormon program is probably still an option... they're very community service minded folks. Starting with their faith leader is probably still a good place to begin.
"I am a Soldier. I fight where I'm told and I win where I fight."
GEN George S. Patton, Jr. March 04, 2017, 11:59 AM
FlyingScotHand him off to someone that can help and step away. Had the wife of someone on a project team get hold of me because her husband had an issue (she said) and wanted us to block outside internet access. We explained that porn was blocked, but could not block all "private avenues...then had a conversation with said employee. Very unprofessional, very uncomfortable, very odd. HR was on speed dial and picked it up from there and employee resigned a couple of days later. Being in the middle exposes you to liability without the skills and structure to handle. Get him help with someone who can help and step out ASAP.
“Forigive your enemy, but remember the bastard’s name.”
-Scottish proverb March 04, 2017, 12:03 PM
lunchboxquote:
Originally posted by PPGMD:
People pay for porn?!?
My thoughts exactly! There seems to be unlimited free porn on the internet or so I've been told.
March 04, 2017, 12:19 PM
SIG228quote:
Originally posted by 46and2:
Teach him where to download free porn?
Counsel the wife on how to be more interesting in bed?
(only half joking)
Maybe he's just bored? Maybe she's disinteresting or quasi asexual? Perhaps their views on recreational sex (amongst each other) differ due to matters of faith? Has she "let herself go"? Are they otherwise a happy couple? There are many possible factors beyond "porn is bad" and "he's addicted to it".
I would suggest marriage counseling first.
Sadly, lots of truth in that statement. Reading the OP's post I'm assuming they're LDS/Mormon (kind of a jack Mormon myself) and there's a reason Utah is #1 in the country when it comes to viewing porn and prescription drug abuse.
Mormon girls are taught sex should not be fun and is for child bearing purposes. And while a separate issue, the prescription drug abuse problem is a result of them not being able to relax with a glass of wine or a beer or two, but they think as long as your cocktail is prescribed by a doctor, it's okay.
March 04, 2017, 03:52 PM
Russ59quote:
Originally posted by SIG228:
Mormon girls are taught sex should not be fun and is for child bearing purposes. And while a separate issue, the prescription drug abuse problem is a result of them not being able to relax with a glass of wine or a beer or two, but they think as long as your cocktail is prescribed by a doctor, it's okay.
I've been attending church for over 40 years and have never heard or read that was sex was for procreation only, nor has it been implied. My wife and I enjoy a great sex life - 99.9% of the time hasn't been for procreation.
. And I'm plenty relaxed without alcohol or drugs.
OP, you're friend has asked for helped. He obviously trust your judgement. Point him in the right direction and check in from him from time to time. The addiction recovery program welcomes non-LDS as well. If he waits until the issue implodes, it may be too late to save his marriage and kids. Pornography and it's easy access can destroy lives.
P229
March 04, 2017, 04:01 PM
SIG228quote:
Originally posted by Russ59:
quote:
Originally posted by SIG228:
Mormon girls are taught sex should not be fun and is for child bearing purposes. And while a separate issue, the prescription drug abuse problem is a result of them not being able to relax with a glass of wine or a beer or two, but they think as long as your cocktail is prescribed by a doctor, it's okay.
I've been attending church for over 40 years and have never heard or read that was sex was for procreation only, nor has it been implied. My wife and I enjoy a great sex life - 99.9% of the time hasn't been for procreation.
. And I'm plenty relaxed without alcohol or drugs.
OP, you're friend has asked for helped. He obviously trust your judgement. Point him in the right direction and check in from him from time to time. The addiction recovery program welcomes non-LDS as well. If he waits until the issue implodes, it may be too late to save his marriage and kids. Pornography and it's easy access can destroy lives.
I beg to differ, but okay. What's your reasoning for Utah being tops in those categories? Simple rebellion against church teachings? Stress of trying to keep up with Jones'?
March 04, 2017, 04:13 PM
12131quote:
Originally posted by dsmack:
quote:
Originally posted by mark123:
I hope none of you guys ever sit in a jury. Sheesh, a guy asks for advice and you turn his friend into the Hitler of child pornography.
No they haven't, Mark! They only mentioned the possibility of child porn being part of the problem, and that if it is true, serious legal implications change the problem significantly!!
The message was, "Be Careful! in my view...
Don
Imho, if he's asking for help, and he is, it is highly unlikely that child porn is involved. I have never heard of any cases of child pornographers / pedophiles asking for help to get rid of their sickness. They all hide somewhere until they get caught.
Q
March 04, 2017, 05:05 PM
Dusty78First things first...never shake his hand again.
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March 04, 2017, 06:19 PM
NateSCYour Stake should have an addiction recovery program that is staffed with trained counelors. Bishop can refer and it is confidential
quote:
Originally posted by sidss1:
well, I have this friend, about 34 yrs old, he is a regular at our Church. Seems to have a wonderful family, with a wife and 3 kids. Now I find out that he has a massive porn addiction, and spends a lot of money and time watching porn on the internet. The result is that his family finances are all messed up, and his relationship with his wife is also all messed up.
What should I do to help? Or should I stay out of the situation? It is a kind of delicate situation, and my friend has told me of his addiction and said he needs help. I have never faced this sort a situation ever in my life, and I dont know what to do.
Could the SigForum friends with life experience give me some pointers of how to handle the situation?
The only thing I have done is to ask him to set up a meeting with our Bishop, and to go and ask the Bishop for help in resolving this situation he finds himself in.
Thank you guys in advance. Thank you.
Disappointing women since the 1970's