Mom passed on Sunday, April 11.
Myself, Mom, and my sister all live within less than 1/2 mile of each other, and we own most of the land between us.
Mom was bedfast from last November up until she passed, so we took turns staying with her, 24/7.

I grew up in this house. Mom & Dad built the house and moved into it in February of 1971. I was born in May.
My sister & I decided that we would run a bulldozer through it before we sold or, heaven forbid, rented it out. So it looks like I’m moving in.
At some point in time.

So, we have been going through better than 50 years of paperwork, pictures, and other “memorabilia”.
Then I have 21 years worth of living to move over here from my bardominium. My son will be renting the barndo from me.

Oh well, after building and moving into the barndo back in 1999, I swore if I ever moved again it wouldn’t be any further than across the pasture.

Sorry for your loss.

My parents built in 1959, Dad passed last in 2014.

Us 4 kids went room by room and eace selected what we wanted of the contents. It went surprisingly smoothly.

Then we had a big yard sale that got rid of a lot of the other stuff.

One sibling, a geeky type, took all the photos etc and scanned them, labeled them and posted online for viewing and downloading. Took him months and was a huge job. Amazing work he did including a bunch of ancestry work.

The only daughter got most all the jewelry, The two other boys were white collar types so I got all the tools etc.

There wasn't a lot left after all that. We auctioned the vehicles and appliances same day as the house.

It is a lot of work but there were about 12 of us to work on it including spouses and kids.

Get help, schedule work days...

My condolences to your loss. May God Bless.

Earlier this year I heard a comment and then a discussion from someone I admire and trust.

A rather elderly person decided to start clearing the home before they got too infirm or passed away. The reason stated was it just wasn't fair to expect someone else to come in and clear out a lot of stuff at the home after someone passed. It's just too big a job and one may not know what the deceased's wishes were for things.

Since then I've talked to my circle of friends and family about this and all agree, to some extent, that it's a good idea. It's an emotional thing and that's very difficult to deal with as to what to do beforehand. We are attached to our possessions, etc.

I've started this process myself, just getting rid of stuff that is not important or really needed.


Best wishes to you and your family.
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Condolences in your loss. My own task of dealing with nearly 45 years of parental occupation was certainly trying on a number of fronts. Devising your plan to include clan members is an advantage.

quote:

Originally posted by cparktd:
Sorry for your loss.

My parents built in 1959, Dad passed last in 2014.

Us 4 kids went room by room and eace selected what we wanted of the contents. It went surprisingly smoothly.

Then we had a big yard sale that got rid of a lot of the other stuff.

One sibling, a geeky type, took all the photos etc and scanned them, labeled them and posted online for viewing and downloading. Took him months and was a huge job. Amazing work he did including a bunch of ancestry work.

The only daughter got most all the jewelry, The two other boys were white collar types so I got all the tools etc.

There wasn't a lot left after all that. We auctioned the vehicles and appliances same day as the house.

It is a lot of work but there were about 12 of us to work on it including spouses and kids.

Get help, schedule work days...

we did similar,

Dad passed, and we allowed his live in to stay for a few months,
we then gave her the option to rent the house or vacate,,
thankfully, she vacated, and we went thru his stuff (that we had not already)

took a solid day to get the crap she left in the trash, then a week or so to go thru the rest,

we did a tag style estate sale on the stuff in the house (some rooms staged and tagged, moved other stuff into a room or 2 and shut that off) and all the smalls out in the yard for a big yardsale,

did good,

we did take a a truck load to the local fleamarket on 2 seperate days,
what was left each day was dropped off at good will,


fortunately, we did not have to move his shop, my brother moved in shortly afterwards, so we did not sell,

moving the shop would take a lot longer,, probably 14 days, or more,

Sorry for your loss.

The good news is you're not under any timeline to finish sorting.

The bad news is you're not under any timeline to finish sorting.

My mom died around January in the apartment she was renting in San Francisco. It was a lot of stuff. We donated a good portion to good will. But the rest we finished on a Sunday and they were closed. We ended up taking it to the dump including antique sewing machines. Cost us $300 not including the trailer we rented.

As it happened, we were planning on staying for a couple of years overseas so, in preparation, we gave away most of our stuff to friends and family. They were nice stuff as we're not hard on anything and we never had children. Distilled everything to a 5' x 10' x 10' storage.

Covid nixed our plans of staying overseas so all the storage stuff is on its way to us now even as I post.

I’m sorry for your loss.
I’m not looking forward to this with my folks. They have a few properties and my dad has stuffed them to the gills (he likes “stuff”, and he’s an antiques collector).
My sisters and I all have similar taste and all will probably want the same items in the house.
It’s not going to be easy or fun, and my mom has been trying to get things organized the last few years, but no one wants to look all that in the eye and start sorting. Throw in the fact that she’s getting to the stage where she likes to give things away to random people..hmm, maybe that’ll solve some of it, till she starts giving out the antiques.

What we did was all of us kids went through and took what we each wanted. Thankfully there weren't any conflicts there. Then we called a local auction service. They came in and took pretty much everything else to their location, auctioned it off, and cut us a check after deducting their fee. Whatever was left went to the dump. We certainly didn't make much (not the point anyway), but it saved a lot of work and hassle.

Just had this conversation with a buddy the other day. There comes a time when everyone has to think about these things as none of us makes it out alive.

Very sorry for your loss, and the way forward as you described it, seemed pretty smooth.

I went through this in late 2019 when my mother passed (my father passed unexpectedly in Dec 2015). Then my FIL passed Dec 2019, but his wife, my MIL, has advanced Alzheimers and is institutionalized to the tune of 125k/year.

I am the executor for my parents, and I have two brothers. My folks had a lot (but not a HUGE) of stuff, some of it quite nice, and some money since they saved well but died early. My oldest brother was a cock-hat about most everything, living rent- and utility-free at my folks and even when Mom had a caretaker 9 hours a day, figured that should wipe out 60k in debt to the estate. Thankfully, all is resolved but my two brothers still won't talk to each other.

My FIL's estate was very different. He had a house PACKED with stuff, most low quality or junk. I'd say he was a borderline hoarder, but one with a big house and pretty organized. We tossed about 50 bankers boxes of paperwork and shredded 20. He had folders of car repair bills for cars from the late 70s and every bank statement from every account. My wife is the youngest of 5 siblings, and the division of stuff of easy, since 50% went straight to the dump and the sibs did not want much. The tried and FAILED, to get my FIL to divest and get rid of junk, but he fought tooth and nail for everything. In the end, they just let it go, and that it would SUCK when he passed. And it DID suck.

They had an estate sale, and shocker, most of the near-junk went unbought, but they did clear the rest of the house out. My FIL had saved and invested very well, so plenty to take care of my MIL. Her mother died from Alzheimers, after living with it for 25 years into mid-90s.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Batty67,

quote:

but it saved a lot of work and hassle.

I'd like to emphasize this as a reasonable way to manage the exposure to 'memory items' that can unexpectedly consume considerable time & energy.

My grandmother (moms side) went thru the house and put a tag under everything with either my moms name or her sisters....it went well until the first thing my aunt wanted...my mom took the high road and let her take all of it with mom just keeping a few items.

My brother got into it with her about a dictionary that grandmother had left to him. So this was the catalyst tha we cite when someone asks why we don’t talk to aunt L.

My mom has a house full of high end brickabrack, glass animals, Crystal animals, cups, etc.

She has a book dictating who gets what, every time we visit she forces us to go then it and label stuff...

When she dies I plan on just boxing it all up and selling it online. Where they live there is not a market fo the stuff otherwise I’d just have an estate sale.

Sorry for your loss

We are moving now and packing up only 13 years of stuff. Boxes of stuff sitting in same location 13 years being sorted.

My grandparents lived in same house 70 years. Man what a chore that was to unwind. All the grandkids got mostly unlimited pick of the stuff then they had an estate sale. People buying my grandma’s hand filled out recipe cards. Post cards they received from people decades earlier. The stuff others will buy is astounding

My Mom wrote and will and described who got what and that was that.

Worked perfectly.

Did this for my Dad's place in '87. Big job!

Did it again @ 2007 for my in-laws, big job.

I told my daughter where I keep the 5 gallon gas jugs and the road torches for when the time comes for our place.

She giggled.

I heard something that makes a lot of sense. Your kids don't want your stuff.

Sorry for your loss. The thread title alone gives me the heebie jeebies. I dread the thought of how much stuff can be accumulated in 50 years. My MIL only lived alone for 8 years and emptying her home filled a 30 foot dumpster easily.

Condolences.

You can see a theme in these posts! We keep too much stuff! And someone has to take care of it after we go.

In the mix are some treasures and some junk.

I like the approach of the heirs doing a round-robin selection of what they want, and then hire a professional to come take the rest away. This usually garners a small check (a couple hundred) and gets rid of the stuff.

Scanning the photos is a good idea... but make sure to label them while the old timer is still alive (he or she is the only one who knows who those people were in the 50 or 60 year old pictures).

Sorry for your loss. All our prayers and condolences.
I have posted previously about clearing our Dad’s house previously, both the clean out and the estate sale. And this year my wife and her sisters did clean out duty for their Mom’s house. In both cases my wife and I both took the lead in each effort. Lots of work but we both had the great feeling that our work was part of the effort to honor our parent’s passing and wrap up their affairs.

quote:

Originally posted by Gustofer:
What we did was all of us kids went through and took what we each wanted. Thankfully there weren't any conflicts there. Then we called a local auction service. They came in and took pretty much everything else to their location, auctioned it off, and cut us a check after deducting their fee. Whatever was left went to the dump. We certainly didn't make much (not the point anyway), but it saved a lot of work and hassle.

Just had this conversation with a buddy the other day. There comes a time when everyone has to think about these things as none of us makes it out alive.

Not exactly the same, but when the wife and I decided to leave the north east and beat feet for the southwest about 5 years ago now ( sort of wish we had done it sooner!) we had an auction company come in. They gave us one “ off limits” room. Anything we wanted to keep and take with us went in that room. They then had a massive sale selling everything in the house to the bare walls. They then cut us a check minus a percentage cut.
Pretty painless, and made a decent amount of money as a result.
We went from a 2600 square foot house full of stuff ( plus outside stuff like boats trailers bush hogs snowblowers ATT’s etc)
To striking west with a 7x10x5 foot shipping container ( mostly honestly was my guns and related stuff)
Plus a not full mini van.
A sort of liberating experience!
However as things go since settling in Arizona we have seemed to accumulate a new conglomerate of stuff ( though still a shadow of what we used to have)