Are there rules?

I know two sets of grand parents , two grand mothers, two grand fathers and a one pair of
g .g. parents.

every birth day ,anniversary or graduation that comes along , all of these folks get notifications and invitations in the mail, on a text or in an e-mail.

but not a single one of them gets an invitation to a sunday meal, a casual lunch or just a swing by to see any of the kids, grand kids or a g.g.kid.

not once a month , not twice a year.

everyone seems to be way way too forkin busy for the old folks,....until!

presents , funds or a free meal is needed.

perhaps I am being petty, but cheese and crackers !

oh they might put a picture on face book twice a month. but thats pretty much it.

I am not a parent so I don't know

Well, I don't know how much my input is worth as we have a non-traditional family.

I married an ol...uh...more mature lady that had three kids, a boy and 2 girls. After a suitable period, I adopted all three and as far as I'm concerned, they're my children.

Son is married, but no children, they're both career oriented.

Older daughter is divorced one daughter by birth (who's wedding I'm attending this afternoon) and I've literally lost count of all the girls she fostered, most of which she adopted. There are 5 in addition to my "natural" granddaughter that I make some attempt to keep track of. There are at least a dozen more than I wouldn't know if they sat in my lap. Many of them have their own kids, technically my great-grandkids. The only one that makes any effort to keep in touch with us is our "natural" granddaughter. The rest say hi if they see us and recognize us, but that's about it.

Younger daughter is divorced as well, 2 sons, older boy married with 2 sons of his own. Much more contact with them, younger boy still lives with Mom so I see him regularly. Older boy with the family lives in North Carolina so don't see him as often, but text and email back and forth pretty regularly.

What it boils down to is that we send Christmas and birthday cards to the ones that keep in touch and same goes for the two great-grandsons in NC.

We're usually invited to events like graduations or weddings and when practical we attend. When the grandkids were younger and all living at home, we'd get together for Thanksgiving or Christmas. Now that they're out in the world with lives of their own, it's more email and phone calls.

My great grandmother passed when I was about 12. All the other greats had passed before I was born. I had seen her several times a year since birth and she was 101 when she died but she lived a good 70 miles away and my folks had mouths to feed etc. my grandparents who were retired by the time I was born saw her weekly.

My grandparents on both sides lived about 5 miles away in either direction from my parents. All attended the same church as my folks so I saw them weekly and often more frequently than that. I saw them on every cousins birthday and other holidays usually hosted at their house since they had the biggest house. Other BBQ and dinners for no other reason than to get together. When I got older I was busy in college and my own life but I still tried to see them at least monthly and take my kids to them. My own kids got to know them well and they are sadly passed now.

My kids see their grandparents ( my folks or my wife's mom) weekly as well. In fact my son is spending the night at my folks tonight, they will have a special dinner and dessert and take him to church tomorrow. In a few weeks it will be my daughters turn to spend the night. My brother lives across the country and his kids only get to see my folks about once or twice a year plus they face time pretty often

My grandma is lazy, if I didn't stop by her house every now and again, I wouldn't know she existed. She just met for the first time my girlfriend of nearly five years. She also wished me a happy birthday on the wrong day this year. She's more interested in traveling the world than being a traditional grandma.

I still love her though and email with her and stop by every couple of months to say hi.

We have three long-time friends who have had issues regarding this.
1. A couple from Australia; their son lives in Belgium; came to Australia and visited his siblings but not parents. Basically no contact between grandparents and grandkids. Mostly the daughter-in-law who cuts them off, but the son is a schmuck as well.
2. A couple in Hawaii; in this case the daughter doesn't contact them. Any contact with grandchild is arranged through the son-in-law when daughter isn't there.
3. A couple in Washington state; their daughter-in-law wrote a nasty letter a while back. BUT after birth of grand-daughter the daughter-in-law seems to have opened up, and the grandparents had a great visit.

In every case, our friends are loving and supportive parents, and we can't imagine any valid reason for cutting them out of their grandchildren's lives.

From the child’s perspective: grands and greats: make an effort to be involved. Invite your child and grandchildren to dinner, lunch, brunch, a party, what have you... sometimes we are so busy trying to keep up with the day, work, and the grandchild in question..that things slip. I have one grand that constantly stays in touch with me, and therefore she gets the lions share of attention. She invited me to dinners, lunches, drinks, over for a cup of tea, etc. I have another grand that sits back and says nothing, and does little.. they don’t get as much attention, though I try. It’s not deliberate, it’s the squeaky wheel premise. When I have someone who is deliberately trying to be involved in someone who is not, the person who is making more advances is typically going to get more attention. Something to consider. Those long distance folks, I hate to say it but put yourself out there. It just might work. Best of luck.

I'm a grandpa. The best job I ever had. My mother is sort of alive at 97. She still remembers all the dates. She sends her great grand kids some token amount of money on the important ones. My wife forces me to go see my mother once a week. My mother feels her thing in life is to either insult me or embarrass me. Kind of a reward for going. But it teaches me a lesson.

I see my sons on occasion, like one last night when my GD was playing a volleyball game. Youngest grandson was there and sat with me part of the time. We took them to supper Thursday evening so mom and dad could go to some kind of stupid college reception. Youngest sat with me. We like each other. He didn't just sit on my side of the table, he sat against me. We're buddies. Anytime they need a baby sitter, we're available. And I'm bad and bribe them constantly. Last night I took along a small bag of Gummi Cola. Gummy bears shaped like a small pop bottle. We shared them in a gym with a big sign saying "nothing to eat or drink". They appreciate grandpa breaking the rules. Yes, the GDs team won the tournament. Who ever heard of charging $2 to see volleyball?

Other sons kids are a little older. No, I didn't go to his oldest son's Senior day in the rain. I have better sense.

General rules don't hold true. Some of us are involved and others not. We are because we like kids. I eat at Panera because I like the little kids. Also some of the mothers. No more kids for us until the greats come along. I'll probably be dead by then unless they get busy.

When my grandparents were alive, my parents and I would make an annual trip to where they lived (2-day drive) for a week's visit. I suspect my parents made occasional phone calls and I know my mom wrote letters and sent cards. As an adult, I did send Christmas cards to my grandparents, but they all died soon after I left home. I communicated with a number of my aunts and uncles on special occasions, but did very little personal visiting. Now all my kinfolk are dead except some cousins and 2 nephews.

I think visitation situations are largely based on how near to each other the persons live. I did not live near any of my grandparents, so frequent visits were not possible. To be honest, both sets of grandparents had raised large families and were not interested in their grandchildren (other than possible help with chores on their farms)--my grandparents were not the doting type often portrayed on TV.

flashguy

I was fortunate.

I met two great grandmothers on my mother's side.

My grandmother lived to be 104 and was great-great grandmother to almost a dozen.

She was the most powerful person I have known. All 5'2" of her.

It took me my whole life looking back to understand how much she influenced my life.

I will be forever grateful, God put me in her life.

then again , I guess if the g.p's and g.g.p's don't ask them over ,
maybe its a two way street.

you have to show interest to get interest

being a child of divorce and raised by my father growing up I was always the one who had to initiate contact with my maternal grandparents. Over time that got old and I stopped. Seems to me they'd rather fawn over my cousins who lived closer.

I believe Red Peters addressed a similar issue in a song.

Link to Youtube

We used to do a lot with my parents and Mrs. BB61’s parents. Unfortunately her parents passed away and my parents are more interested in my opioid addicted brother’s trauma drama than anything else. I went up to visit them last week (drove over two hours) and was so disgusted about what they were doing, I turned around and drove home after about 20 minutes. Since my brother’s addiction took over, my kids rarely see my parents anymore. I think its “case specific” for relationships IMHO.