Love. It is what everybody wants. It is what everybody needs, in some way or another. With it, we thrive. Without it, we wither into nothing. Whether the source is your parents, your teachers, your mate, your children, your God, even your pets, it is always the spot of light in the darkness of night that can’t be acquired by any other means. We have an inborn need to be loved.

One of the most intense forms of love is the kind we build together in a relationship with our mate. It can’t be faked, imitated, forced or contrived. Its betrayal is arguably the worst pain any man will face. There is no substitute. There is no equal. There is no equivalent. It fuels us. It defines us. It nourishes us.

I’ve fewer days ahead of me than behind me. I’ve met many women I could have been married to, been happy with, and enjoyed a meaningful life with. But I’ve never met a girl I simply could not live without. So I’ve never married. Sad, I know. Believe me, I know. But, (just as sad) I would rather have wasted my life in romantic despair than be married to someone that I simply could live without. When Alfred Lord Tennyson wrote, “Tis better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all,” he proved he had never met ‘the one’.

So what about you? What has been your experience with this elusive elixir? How have you fared in life with true love? Have events in your life conspired together to create such a love?

Question:
How has your life turned out?

Choices:
No. (I still live in my parent’s basement and play dungeons and dragons with my online friends. Girls are icky.)
No. (I’ve never met ‘the one’.)
No. (I’m in a relationship, but not the love of my life.)
Kind of. (I’ve loved and lost. I will never love another like that again.)
Yes. (My mate is all that is good and right with my life.)
Definitely. (My mate is a fool to think I am worthy of her. Don’t anybody tell her!)

 

I have been in some pretty good relationships. But I evidently don't do well in captivity. Now that I am older (ancient), I have little use for the pointless drama and family based insanity that is often included with a relationship.
Divorced 3X. Live with my cat now. We are happy.
And kudos to those of you with loving, mutually supportive relationships. Congrats!

Will be married 31 years in October. She is my best friend, the person I enjoy spending time with more tahn any other.

I've been with my wife since High School - 46 years; married 39 of that.
She's my best friend and I would have little will to live without her around.

39 years this November.

At 61 years old, I have been with my wife more years than I lived without her. Ups and downs are a given, but I would despise life without her. Partner, friend and lover all describe her.

I have heard it said that, in his lifetime, a man can expect ONE good horse, ONE good dog, ONE good truck, and maybe, just maybe, one good woman.

Buddy, a palomino I had as a kid. Used to ride him bareback with a haystring halter. Bad barn soured, but then again so am I. He’s been gone a long time.

“Dog” that I picked up at a 24hr diner where I’d get breakfast after working night shift. He’d ride in my truck and didn’t kill chickens. Pretty sure coyotes got him.

My ‘95 C2500 Chevy, 6.5TD. Left my wedding in that truck (how redneck is that). I knew that truck inside and out. Never should have sold it.

Thought I had this last one in 1997. I was wrong. I did get three wonderful kids out of the deal. Divorced in 2011(or was it 2012?). I guess it’s good the memory of that is fading. I maintain to this day; you don’t know a woman til you’re in court with her.

So does that qualify as loved and lost? Maybe.

Oh, yeah, on that last one...I never thought I’d get another chance. Lots of crazy out there in my dating pool. But I’ve met someone lately that has me thinking the Good Lord might give second chances sometimes....

She's by far the best thing that has ever happened to me. We are a good match so I voted yes and not the definitely.

But seriously, it's hard for me to imagine a more perfect woman for me than the one I'm married to. We compliment each other wholly. I'd say we have a synergistic relationship even.

I of course would survive if I ever lost her, but there would be permanent hole left inside of me. I don't regret a second of time that I've spent with her.

Reminds me of what Robin Williams' character said in Good Will Hunting which didn't fully resonate with me until after I met my wife:

I'd ask you about love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of hell. And you wouldn't know what it's like to be her angel, to have that love for her, be there forever, through anything, through cancer. And you wouldn't know about sleeping sitting up in the hospital room for two months, holding her hand, because the doctors could see in your eyes, that the terms "visiting hours" don't apply to you. You don't know about real loss, 'cause it only occurs when you've loved something more than you love yourself.

I originally met my wife while I was in college. I told my best friend, during this time, I was going to marry her although we had never discussed anything remotely related to a long term relationship. I was ready. We dated for several years then went our separate ways.

About nine years later, I ran into her again at a subway station. It was raining and she had walked to work that morning. She asked if I would give her a ride home.

That was the beginning of our second relationship. We dated for a little over a year and then married. We have been married for twenty six years.

We've talked several times about the break up and our perspectives relating to the break up.

Her response was if we had married then, we would have divorced because she wasn't ready for marriage. She also said that about five years later, she tried to get in touch with me through my work. That failed because whoever she spoke with said I didn't work there.

At our wedding, my father said with what we went through, my wife and I were meant to be together.

We've had great times together and no so great times together, but I felt then, as now, that she was the only woman I couldn't live without.

I think romantic nonsense like you allude to in your OP is why the divorce rate is so high. The up front expectations are not consistent with reality. There is no "the one", there is only the one you are willing to work hard to make a life with come hell or high water. It's about commitment and honoring that commitment despite stress, strife and strain. Finding someone you are compatible with that shares your willingness to stick it out no matter what is more likely to produce a life long bond than some romantic notion of butterflies in your stomach. That shit wears off and sometimes you just have to put your head down together and work to keep it all together. The reward is a different kind of love that is earned, not felt when you meet.

It's not about never meeting someone you couldn't live without, it's about building something with someone that you can't imagine leaving.

My current wife has worked tirelessly to make life miserable for my next wife. Can’t beat that!

Second marriage for both of us. We have never argued, other than for awhile after she came to work in my businesses ~20 years ago, over whether she was sleeping with the boss or I was. Once we got that worked out......

Kidding aside, we are very happy with each other, after 30 years. As I slide further into this lung disease, she has had to take over more and more of our daily life. I no longer travel, take care of the exterior, or much else. I’m sure it is a burden, but she remains cheery and energetic. She has been out mowing the lawn the last three mornings.

We share and care, always think of the other in every situation. That works pretty well. Of course, we have never had to deal with any real deprivation materially. She gets along real well with my sons, their wives and the grandkids.

She asked me a few months ago what I wanted to be in the next life. I said, “your husband” which tickled her to no end. She believes in reincarnation, but I don’t, and I didn’t last time either.

quote:

Originally posted by TXJIM:

It's not about never meeting someone you couldn't live without, it's about building something with someone that you can't imagine leaving.

Absolute truth. You simply never know until you give all and dive in head first.

During my first year with the woman who would become my wife, I was convinced we wouldn't make it past that year, and I was perfectly fine with that. After all, she was only on a work visa in the US and living in Florida while I was in Utah. She was also heading back to France the end of that year. Believe me, it was a lot of hard work and sacrifice for both of us, but now here we are...

It will be 49 years next July. Along the way, We’ve learned a few things.
Never take your mate for granted.
Regularly doing several small favors is better than occasionally doing a large one.
Marriage is NOT a 50/50 relationship. Sometimes each has to give more than they get.
Always work on the problem; not each other.
Never go to sleep on a fight. Someone has to apologize.

Do we have a perfect record of following those guidelines? No, but we did well enough that if she threw me out, I’d whine and scratch at the door until she let me back in the house. YMMV

Love is a hard one. My perspective is that when one learns to love, he will be loved. In other words, loving another regardless of self interest, yields enduring love in return. What does loving another mean? I think that is the secret. Somewhere in the formula is a degree of selfless service to the other. This, of course, excludes crazy partners, selfish/abusive/usurpatious parners, addicted and destructive partners. The dating process should expose those to elimination. Once a partner of high character is found, love builds line upon line, brick by brick until a solid foundation is built. There is always the possibility of disaster though. It takes two to make a marriage, but only one to destroy it.

It’s a tricky business.

Marriage often involves a lot of hard work.

Fortunately my Wife is very strong.

Ten years ago I walked past a woman in a parking lot. For me, she was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen before or since. Our eyes met, and I felt a connection that I can only describe as spiritual. I never saw her again. I have also not been able to look at another woman since. So I guess I'd have to vote no.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: kkina,

My wife and I are coming up on 20 years married. We think alike, get each other’s sense of humor, let each other be with the things that we don’t like together. We have 2 great kids, that are far from perfect, which makes them perfect for us.

I’m 50, she’s 41. I act 17, and she looks 30.

Divorced after 31 years of marriage and a few years of dating prior to that. In 2012, she came home from her psychiatrist and said "we think I'd be healthier on my own." I had two immediate thoughts competing for my attention. The first was; "that sounds like we're getting divorced". The second; "I don't have to put up with this BS every day anymore". Over the course of our marriage I had taken on more and more of our responsibilities as well as catering to her needs around depression and its' attendant "malaise" symptoms. I had taken the "in sickness and in health" vows literally. Her pronouncement freed me from that responsibility. Although we divorced, we are both blessed with two great adult children.

Since the time of our divorce, I have been fortunate to enjoy the company of some great women. Of course, I met a few crazies along the way as well. Along with a recent job change came a relocation where I met my current girlfriend of the last three years. My perspective on long term relationships and romance have changed a great deal since I first met my wife in junior year of college. Now, I am blessed to have rediscovered myself; my self awareness, self confidence and, perspective on a woman's role in my life. As enchanting and desirable as women are, my self development, my work are foremost and women are a secondary, albeit important consideration.