Go | New | Find | Notify | Tools | Reply | |
| Live Slow, Die Whenever  |
I really miss this part of SNL. Post your favorite, that is all.... “If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.” "I won't be wronged, I won't be insulted, and I won't be laid a hand on. I don't do these things to other people and I require the same from them." - John Wayne in "The Shootist" | ||
|
Tinker Sailor Soldier Pie |
Haha, those were so good. This should be a great thread. When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror, like the passengers in his car. ~Alan Acta Non Verba NRA Life Member (Patron) God, Family, Guns, Country Men will fight and die to protect women... because women protect everything else. ~Andrew Klavan | |||
|
| Member |
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drank, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.” "I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." Thomas Jefferson "All that is necessary for evil to triumph is that good men have insurance." JALLEN | |||
|
| Live Slow, Die Whenever |
“I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.” "I won't be wronged, I won't be insulted, and I won't be laid a hand on. I don't do these things to other people and I require the same from them." - John Wayne in "The Shootist" | |||
|
| Back, and to the left  |
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy. | |||
|
| Member |
This one still cracks me up after all these years: "To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other." ...that I will support and defend... | |||
|
Member |
One summer my kids wanted to go to Disney world so we got in the car but it was late and I was tired so I took them to a burned warehouse and said “sorry kids, Disney world burned down” and then we went home. Or something close to that. ----------------------------------------- Roll Tide! Glock Certified Armorer NRA Certified Firearms Instructor | |||
|
| Member |
"A man doesn't automatically get my respect. he has to get down in the dirt and beg for it." "We used to laugh at Grandpa when he'd head off to go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening, when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town." "Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk." | |||
|
delicately calloused |
In weight lifting, I don't think sudden uncontrolled urination should automaticaly disqualify you . You’re a lying dog-faced pony soldier | |||
|
| Member |
Our local newspaper would publish the TERRIBLE poetry of an elderly man who was connected to the publisher. I wrote a letter to the Editor saying that his poetry reminded me of the great poet, Jack Handey. They published it without hesitation. I guess they did not watch SNL. | |||
|
| No Compromise |
"I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our childrend's children, because I don't think children should be having sex." H&K-Guy | |||
|
| Shoulda Coulda Oughta Woulda |
“The crows seem to be calling my name”, thought Caw. | |||
|
| Min-Chin-Chu-Ru... Speed with Glare |
I have an imaginary wife. My kids are imaginary, too. They take after my wife, in that respect. | |||
|
Member |
“If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava let them go, because man, they’re gone!” “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” | |||
|
| Live Slow, Die Whenever |
I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!“ "I won't be wronged, I won't be insulted, and I won't be laid a hand on. I don't do these things to other people and I require the same from them." - John Wayne in "The Shootist" | |||
|
| Member |
You forget the best part, Paraphrasing: "And they cried all the way home, but I think inside they were laughing right along with me because they also thought it was a pretty good joke. " | |||
|
| Powered by Social Strata |
 | Please Wait. Your request is being processed... |
|
© SIGforum 2024