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Florida News: Man Stays Out of Trouble

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April 23, 2019, 01:06 PM
TigerDore
Florida News: Man Stays Out of Trouble
From the Babylon Bee:

https://babylonbee.com/news/fl...stays-out-of-trouble


Florida Man Obeys Law, Stays Out Of Trouble

April 11th, 2019



MIAMI, FL—Florida man Clint Cooper has obeyed all state and federal laws and generally stayed out of trouble. He has not fired any guns in his backyard and hit random strangers with .22 caliber bullets. He hasn't attacked a McDonald's employee or hit his dad with a pizza for helping give birth to him.

He hasn't murdered any ex-girlfriends in an attempt to get rid of the devil or driven his Ferrari 360 into the ocean at top speed. He had no syringes hidden anywhere on his person and was not arrested in an argument over a cheesesteak.

Additionally, he has not burned his children to teach them about fire or fooled his family into believing his murdered wife was still alive. He has not chewed up any police cars after being arrested for cocaine possession and he has not found a boa constrictor in his car engine. He never harassed anyone in the park while drunk and shirtless, or threatened to kill them with kindness in reference to his machete, which he named kindness.

He also never caused any traffic pile-ups or stole any vehicles then blamed Jesus. He has not been accused of drinking 18-20 beers before talking to children.

When Cooper inevitably does something noteworthy, this story will be updated.



.
April 23, 2019, 01:17 PM
gearhounds
Give him a little time...



“Remember to get vaccinated or a vaccinated person might get sick from a virus they got vaccinated against because you’re not vaccinated.” - author unknown
April 23, 2019, 04:33 PM
YooperSigs
And dont let him wear an Easter Bunny costume!


End of Earth: 2 Miles
Upper Peninsula: 4 Miles
April 23, 2019, 04:53 PM
Hound Dog
I call B.S. . .


Fear God and Dread Nought
Admiral of the Fleet Sir Jacky Fisher
April 23, 2019, 04:58 PM
Skins2881
quote:
Originally posted by gearhounds:
Give him a little time...


Yep. It's in his nature, Florida Man can't resist.


Jesse

Sic Semper Tyrannis
April 23, 2019, 05:04 PM
ArtieS
He sounds just like me; a Florida Man in waiting.


"I vowed to myself to fight against evil more completely and more wholeheartedly than I ever did before. . . . That’s the only way to pay back part of that vast debt, to live up to and try to fulfill that tremendous obligation."

Alfred Hornik, Sunday, December 2, 1945 to his family, on his continuing duty to others for surviving WW II.
April 23, 2019, 05:14 PM
saigonsmuggler
quote:
Originally posted by TigerDore:
...
He has not chewed up any police cars after being arrested for cocaine possession
...

So he was arrested for cocaine possession.. knew it.. it was too good to be true.
April 23, 2019, 08:35 PM
shovelhead
Day two of his residency?


-------------------------------------——————
————————--Ignorance is a powerful tool if applied at the right time, even, usually, surpassing knowledge(E.J.Potter, A.K.A. The Michigan Madman)
April 24, 2019, 06:13 AM
PossibleZombie
Fake news! I thought we were better than this, yet here we are with these blatant lies.