A police officer stopped a blonde for speeding and asked her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.

Just yesterday you take my license away, and now today you expect me to show it to you?'

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A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.

Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!

Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'

'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'

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Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle, followed by a good bottle of beer.

You hit down to make the ball go up.
You swing left and the ball goes right.
The lowest score wins, on top of that, the winner buys the drinks.

Golf is harder than baseball.
In Golf, you have to play your foul balls.

If you find you do not mind playing Golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here's a valuable tip...your life is in trouble.

Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot rarely make a perfect shot.

A 'gimme' can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers...neither of whom can putt very well.

An interesting thing about Golf is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse.

Golf is a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps and miss every green.

The next day you go out and for no reason at all you really stink.

If your best shots are the practice swing and the 'gimme' putt, you might wish to reconsider this game.

Golf is the only sport where the most feared opponent is you.

Golf is like marriage. If you take yourself too seriously it won't work, and both are expensive.

The best wood in most amateurs' bags is the pencil.

In days of old, men beat the ground with sticks and shouted to the sky. They called it witchcraft. Today we call it golf!

Why is golf spelled G O L F ?

Because all the other 4 letter words were already taken!
.

One day I told a sailing buddy that I couldn't sail with him as I was playing golf that day. Has said, "you're playing whack fuck". I had to ask.

quote:

Originally posted by Sailor1911:
One day I told a sailing buddy that I couldn't sail with him as I was playing golf that day. Has said, "you're playing whack fuck". I had to ask.

Difference between a golfer and a skydiver?

Golfer: Whack...Damn!

Skydiver: Damn!...Whack.