This being SigForum I expect a few of the obligatory over-the-top macho answers, but I'd appreciate a few sincere answers as well.

Under normal circumstances this would never be something I would feel the need to post about, but the pandemic stuff is really messing me up.

I've been seeing the same girl for the past 8 months. She's madly in love with me (maybe too much) and sees us being married someday. While I do love her, I know that she is not 'the one' I am going to want to marry. (I'm 50 years old and am divorced after a 20 year marriage).

The rest of the details are non-factors, but I met someone with whom I have significantly more in common with and am really interested in exploring that relationship.

I'm not going to begin dating (even remotely) someone while I am committed to someone else.

I had planned on breaking us up a few weeks ago, and then she lost her job and we got put into "stay in place".

Bottom line, am I the poster-child for "Ass-Hat" if I break up with my out-of-work girlfriend who lives alone, in the middle of a pandemic?

Naw, an asshat would break up before valentine to avoid going out to dinner and a gift.

But you already know she’s not the one. No need to keep her on the line when she can move on also.

quote:

Originally posted by Ronin1069:
... my out-of-work girlfriend who lives alone, in the middle of a pandemic?

Ouch. I don't envy your position. Not sure there is a "right" answer.

Life is too short and even now more uncertain to continue a relationship that you have already determined is over. My bet is that she knows something is going on with the two of you. Just be kind and honest. She's not going to be happy about it and you'll be better for it.

Is she a "stable" person under ordinary circumstances? If not, or if she is already very unsettled due to the Corona situation and recent job loss, would breaking up with her put her over the edge?

how old is she? does she live with you ie have no place of her own?

quote:

Originally posted by Ronin101:
how old is she? does she live with you ie have no place of her own?

Yes she is stable.

She's 44 and has her own place; along with her own money and saving to make due.

My advice: Don't try to wait for the "right time". If it's over, it's over. Call it. Don't continue just because it's comfortable, or because discontinuing it would be too uncomfortable right now.

I'm in the process of amicably divorcing my wife. We fell into that trap. And by doing so, we wasted several years of potential happiness by just sticking to the status quo since the alternative would be too immediately uncomfortable.

Yes, she will be upset in the short term. Yes, you will feel bad in the short term. But it'll pass for both of you, and you'll both be happier in the long run.

Get RHINO to do it for you. He has a certain way with words.

"Sweetie, I'm taking a step back from our relationship. It does not seem real to me anymore. We can still be friends, but that will have to be it". Fast and painful. Like a Band-Aid.

Two evenings ago a gal in line at the grocers wanted to know if I was stocking up on chips and soda. She had the come-hither eyes and body language. The Woodman of three months ago would have shacked up for three weeks. Right now, I think it would end up like the porch cat I've been feeding. There's another cat in the house now (a deceased friend's cat, diabetic, coming out of a feline nervous breakdown), and the porch cat has become a pain in the ass.

Off-loading an implied responsibility / duty is tough. But I've been dumped a few times. By sensible women Fast and painful. Like a Band-Aid.

Just send her a link to this thread.

I have my own story with a difference in age. If its right then follow your heart and don't delay, life is far to short, especially now. I did and I have never looked back once.

Once you made up your mind you are just stringing her along. Have the talk with her asap.

quote:

Originally posted by Ronin1069:
Yes she is stable.

She's 44 and has her own place; along with her own money and saving to make due.

Nonetheless: You stated in your OP that, while you feel she's not "the one," that you do love her. If you do love her, then do you really think laying this on her now would be the right thing to do?

I understand the other "life's too short" opinions, but I think we have to have a care for others. Particularly when times are tough.

I can't offer anything but Best Wishes and Prayers for all.

Just be honest. It's going to hurt no matter when. Putting it off just prolongs things. At this point waiting till this pandemic is over could be into the summer.

It will suck in the short term but be better in the long term. Just rip that bandage off.

Just a thought. If the other gal you want to date knows that. And also knows you have already have a girl friend. She will be a problem at some point. The tide maybe turned.

The grass ain't greener on the next hill.

I have no advice another than since you have admitted to being really upset over the virus now. You may not being thinking straight in terms of the hear and now.

"It's not you, it's me."

quote:

Originally posted by Ronin1069:

quote:

Originally posted by Ronin101:
how old is she? does she live with you ie have no place of her own?

Yes she is stable.

She's 44 and has her own place; along with her own money and saving to make due.

I'm in the rip the band-aid crowd. I don't see this getting better over time and the risk of losing an opportunity with another person who is seemingly a better option, which I am sure Is hard to come by, seems like a bad idea.

Don't let bad get worse, cut the cord and move on

quote:

Originally posted by Ronin1069:

quote:

Originally posted by Ronin101:
how old is she? does she live with you ie have no place of her own?

Yes she is stable.

She's 44 and has her own place; along with her own money and saving to make due.

Well there goes the issue with guilt for leaving high and dry.

Get out while it's easier, the longer it goes the harder it is.