My twin boys are graduating high school in two weeks, the ceremony is open to all comers. No masks.

My ex-wife and most of her family who are local will probably be there.

I don’t really have anybody from my side of the family who is near enough to want to go, I had planned on going alone.

My girlfriend of two years thinks I should not go alone, that that would just be “sad“ and that I should take someone, I think she wants to go.

Personally I think that would be awkward, for me and for the boys. They know her and like her, but they don’t know her “that” well.

Probably I am overthinking this, I tend to do that.

Any thoughts, experiences, suggestions to share?

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Ronin1069,

Out of curiosity how often do you have/see your boys?
You have a gf for two years and they don’t really know her? That seems odd to me.

I don’t see an issue taking her.

Without knowing the situation I say go alone.

It has zero to do with her and you said yourself the relationship with your boys doesn't warrant it from her side.

If she feeling like she should be included more, this is not the time.

To clarify, you have every right to take her but it's their day, don't do ANYTHING to make it about you, her, or awkward in the slightest.

I would suggest asking the boys if they have any take on it.

If that is not an option I agree with ottosig. Go alone and let your GF know it is not about her. YOu just want to go solo.

quote:

They know her and like her, but they don’t know her “that” well.

How well do you have to know someone to sit in the audience and see then accept their diplomas? X number of unknown others will also see them get their diplomas.

Your girlfriend wants to be with you to share in one of the major milestones in the life of the twins and you. I don't see anything wrong with it.

Now, if there's bad blood between you and ex-wife or ex-wife and girlfriend, or if it will be socially awkward in any way, then I'd go alone, and maybe celebrate with girlfriend and sons later.

I don’t see why it would be awkward for graduating high school students or other adults. Nothing wrong with a sincere relationship.

That being said, agree that the event is for the kids so do whatever it takes to make it positively memorable for them.

It sounds odd that they like her but that it would be awkward if she attended. Seems like they should expect her (gf of 2 years) to attend. It’s more even more curious why you would think it awkward.

Eta: part of my opinion is premised on high school or even college graduations are not significant to me. A phd may be meaningful. Getting your first job in the career path you’ve chosen for your life is meaningful. To me, graduating from hs in a first world country is more expected than meaningful. It’s like on par with celebrating a birthday (unless it’s a special number).

Put the boys first, it’s their night. If there is a chance it could cause problems between you it might be best to go alone.

You are going there for your sons. Go by yourself so you give them your full attention.

And don't put it on the boys to decide whether you should bring her.

'awkward' really is a personal issue. I vote to ask the kids. And is there something planned/spontaneous for 'apre graduation' that really could become 'more' awkward?

Essential new relationships are part of life for many families. Sort of a 'coming out' announcement.

Included GF could well be a step towards demystifying the entire new set of relationships for everyone.

My own family was full of what Mom called "Inlaws, outlaws, and un-laws".

Two years in is a good solid relationship and I would share that with her and your sons. Hell, if she's got a twin -take her too!

Ask the young men if it's okay. After all, it's their graduation.

Ask the kids. They will know if it will be weird for them and their mom. If they give you the green light, bring the gf. If they even so much as falter in their answer, don’t bring her. And then tell the gf why not.

I am assuming you will be seated near their mom so the kids can see you both there. If she’s gonna be weird, don’t bring the gf

I went to my biggest kid’s middle school graduation and the ex turned it into “let’s pick at Mike show”, I finally got up and moved across the auditorium and shook his hand on the way out the door. He knew right from the get go it was gonna be a shitshow due to his mom.

I didn’t go to his HS graduation because of her. And I would have skipped his wedding due to his mom, but he specifically asked me to be there. I brought my new wife and it began to go the way I knew it would he moment she arrived. I finally told her in front of everyone that it was his (our kid’s) wedding, stop being an insufferable cunt and shut your mouth so you don’t fuck this up for him either....mouths dropped, whispering was heard all around, and the bride’s dad came over and gave me a drink and shook my hand with a big grin on his face-they lived on an island and everyone knew of her.

Your kids will know if it will be ok for the gf to be there.

I’m going to change my opinion. Still assuming the gf is important to you and is normal and friendly. No reason for anybody not to like her. She’s not a mistress that lead to your divorce or anything like that. I’m gonna assume that all concerned, including the graduates, are now mature adults who are generally friendly, well mannered and sociable. HS graduates can drink, vote, smoke, join the military, live by themselves, get a job and live independently.

Whether your GF goes is your and her decision. If someone finds it awkward, that’s for them to deal with, including your kids who have come of age. Not your problem if someone feels awkward.

Every body should grow up and move on. This is your life too. The gf is presumed innocent here. Why should she be excluded when she’s done nothing wrong? Avoiding some reality does sound not like behavior becoming of mature adults.

Another vote for ask your sons. You might ask your girlfriend if she minds hanging back a little when you hug your boys afterward. But at some point you will be with your ex and your girlfriend in the same room. In my case it's grandkids' birthdays. I don't like it when I have to do that but I get through it and everyone is cool.

I see two choices depending on the relationships. If your girlfriend comes to Christmas, Thanksgiving, and birthdays with the boys, she should be able to come to this, too, since she’s probably at least somewhat invested in them through you.

If your girlfriend stays away from the holidays and doesn’t have much interaction with them, ask them.

Either way, if she goes and if you think the ex will start throwing a hissy fit over it, mention it to her in advance and ask her to steer clear of the ex to avoid ruining the boys’ day.

Even if your boys are fine with it, if your girlfriend being there will put a tension on your ex and her family, the tension will still be in the air.

If your ex already has a husband or is bringing her boyfriend, then you can bring your girlfriend. But otherwise, don't bring your girlfriend.

I am willing to bet you are walking on eggshells and your ex-wife is probably being far less discreet.

I started dating a woman 5-6 months after my divorce and a few months later I was struggling with whether or not my son should meet her, and if he should have any idea that I am dating someone. I asked my ex what she thought and she said she didn't know and I should talk with my son about it. So I asked my son what might happen now that my ex and I had been divorced more than half a year. I explained that there is no chance of being a family again. He said he wished we could, but that maybe he would get some step brothers and sisters instead. An expert told me he was likely not ready yet - seeing end states (new family) but not processes (dating, etc.).

So I waited longer, and things didn't work out very well with the girlfriend. A couple months later, I found out that my ex had been shacked up with her boyfriend since the time I asked her about my situation, and said nothing. Simply saying "that ship has already sailed, I have a relationship, and everything is cool" would have been honest and helpful. But you know, honesty wasn't her strong point so the idea that she would stop lying when there was no reason to lie was a error on my part. "I don't know" means "I don't want to tell you" and I should have remembered that. My son didn't tell me about the boyfriend because he said it didn't occur to him that I wouldn't know, since there was nothing to hide.

So are you sure your ex is being as careful and thoughtful as you?

But in reality, it is not up to your kids to decide, it's up to you. Assuming you've been divorced more than two years, they have had plenty of time to adjust. If this is the first time they will meet her, yes it will be awkward and they should meet her beforehand. My son has only met two girlfriends, and also one woman I dated a few times due to an unintended scheduling overlap. Only if I think I thought it would last and had every intention of it becoming long term. Kids need stability, and two years sounds pretty stable.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Lefty Sig,

Truly a tough call. Maybe best to go alone, so as to attract the least attention away from your boys. Congrats on seeing them reach such an important milestone, though!

Go alone.

Nobody will remember that you went alone, only that you were there.

They will, however, remember if it becomes awkward.

In this situation, there is no upside to bringing the girlfriend. Her well wishes have no significance to your boys. Also, the nature of having a girlfriend means that you will attend to her--diverting attention from the boys.

Ask your boys. It’s their graduation and they’re probably in tune enough with the overall situation to know if her presence will be a big deal. I don’t see any issue with you going alone. If you weren’t in a serious relationship or you were single you probably wouldn't find a date just so you wouldn’t be alone. If the girlfriend is feeling like this is a big moment for you and she wants to be included then the two of you have a discussion in front of you

This message has been edited. Last edited by: berto,