gambling in general. I don't do it aside from a little dice shaking on weekend ice fishing trips with my sons and some friends. I've never met a real winning gambler in my life. Yeah I've had people brag when they win a $150 dollar pull tab or a $500 dollar scratch off but they never tell you about the thousand dollars they spent to win a couple hundred.

I'm starting to think my wife is developing a unhealthy gambling habit. She wouldn't be the first otherwise reasonable, financially responsible person to get a gambling addiction. She loves pull tabs and scratch offs.
We are financially sound and I check account balances regularly. We do not tell each other how to spend money. If I want something I buy it and so does she we don't need to confer with one another.

She used to tell me when she won on pull tabs or scratch offs. That stopped awhile ago but I know the gambling has not. We had company over yesterday for a BBQ. My sister, sister in law who both frequent the casino's were in a conversation with my wife. They were talking gambling and I overheard my wife tell them she won $1000 on pull tabs awhile back.

My sister commented "wow I bet you and (lastmanstanding) went out for a great dinner".
My wife said "no I don't talk to him about gambling".

I've never once talked to her about any concerns I may or may not have about how she spends money but she knows me well enough to know my position on it.

I keep a emergency fund of cash in the house. Several thousand dollars normally. She does not know where it is or how much but she knows I have it. Recently she brings it up and ask me how much I have. I respond with "Why what do you need I will get it for you" to which I usually i get the response "Oh I don't need anything just wondering".

So I'm getting some red flags and this has me now checking accounts on a daily basis. I see nothing to be concerned about in the account balances and statements. So maybe she is just recycling winnings and not spending earned income? If so she would be one of a very few who do this and she should dump the small time and start playing the big lotto or something.

Maybe I'm just getting old and cynical about things but I'm retiring very soon. We are not what I would consider wealthy but we are comfortable and I want it to stay that way.

I remember our young days when we struggled financially. So much of life is a circle but that's one circle I don't want completed.

I know if I mention it at all she will get defensive but sometimes things just need to be said. Once my retirement is official I plan to bring it up and point out small things I plan on curbing like buying expensive cuts of Wagyu beef on a regular basis. I have a way of saying things without really speaking directly but the person I'm speaking to gets the message clearly.

I know her well and this method usually gets the desired results. At this point I'm not overly concerned but have both eyes open.

Gambling can be a terrible addiction with terrible ramifications.

I dont want to be preachy, but a conversation should be had sooner rather than later. Her gambling may be completely under control, but like any other potential addiction, ive always felt that the sooner concern is expressed, the sooner an adjusment in behavior can occur.

If she is just doing it for fun and not losing money there should be no reason for her to be evasive or untruthful with you when you raise your concerns.

The comment to your sister about not talking to you about gambling is a red flag in my mind. But are you saying all your money is in joint accounts and you haven't noticed any suspicious withdrawals or spending patterns?

quote:

Originally posted by Palm:
If she is just doing it for fun and not losing money there should be no reason for her to be evasive or untruthful with you when you raise your concerns.

The comment to your sister about not talking to you about gambling is a red flag in my mind. But are you saying all your money is in joint accounts and you haven't noticed any suspicious withdrawals or spending patterns?

Credit cards. A good friend’s mom got into this, the dad had no idea until collection notices started for the $125K in cash advances.

Run a credit check on you both if you’ve not recently. You’ve got her info, just do it. Nothing there, no problem. You ask permission and there IS an issue, the ensuing lies will just be harder to overcome down the road.

I'd recommend the credit check also. The crazy wife of 18 months used to hang out with her dad every other Saturday at a local casino. She did the same about how she "won" x-number of dollars. I tried to explain that to win that amount she's probably spending five to ten times that and if she'd sit down and count the dollars spent, she'd realize it.

I later determined she was spending $500 - $1,000 per trip to "win" between $200 and $600 every sixth to eighth trip.

When we divorced I found out she had a $50K line of credit at said casino.

Had a relative that used to brag about winning hundreds of dollars. She never mentioned how much she lost but we did find out she didn't pay the mortgage a few months. She didn't tell her husband either until the damage was done.

Yeah, I really wouldn't wait to figure this out.

If it's no big deal, ie her spending her own play money on gambling, who cares.

If she's broke, in credit trouble, and essentially a gambling junkie, corrective action needs to be taken.

We have some friends who were in this perpetual cycle of being broke as hell. The wife ran her own hairstyle business and never seemed to make any money. For years, just breaking even - although the shop was hers and there were tons of people going there, stylists renting space, etc etc.

Of course Hair Styling can be a cash heavy business and the Bingo Parlor is 3 minutes from her shop. Long breaks, lunches, you name it. She was gambling it all alway. All of it.

Not sure how far she put them into debt, directly or indirectly by being broke as fuck. They managed to right the ship and stay together, but it took a lot of doing on both their parts.

I think the credit check is a good idea to see if she is getting money from somewhere and trying to hide it from you.

If it comes back fine and she’s not using any excess money then I’d let it go. My ex had her money and I had mine and I didn’t care how she spent hers so long as she didn’t go over budget.

Had a cousin who, when she started, felt it was a disaster when she lost $20 at the casino.

But it got to the point she was a VIP with Las Vegas casinos and she would get comped rooms, meals, etc. She would play the $100 minimum blackjack table to be away from the "riffraff."

During weekdays after work, she would go to the local casino and in the morning, her husband would go to the casino to bring her a change of clothing for the office.

You have a right to be concerned, I hope it turns out to be nothing at all.

My Ex is a big gambler. Comped rooms, food, etc.
And she wins, often big. But when she gets ahead, getting her to walk away with her winnings is nearly impossible. She often ends up barely even. And she would refuse to pay the taxes on her winnings at the casino. Result: No income tax refund!
Based on the number of women I see in the casinos, I think the casinos target them.

You guys need to talk. It sounds like this is a huge empty space between you that is filling up with everything you don't talk about.

My neighbor went to Atlantic City to see the board Walk, not gamble. He has a bad back and needed to sit down, so he went into a casino. He felt badly about being there and not spending any money, so he got a roll of quarters to play the slots. The first quarter he put in kicked out $28,000. He said he couldn't get out of there fast enough. Not life changing money but better than a jab in the a$$ with a sharp stick. And no that is not a gambler.
Rod

I’m not going to create a problem where one may not exist by confronting her. The problem could be how I perceive things. I’m already biased because I dislike and do not participate in any gambling. I have access to all our accounts business and personal as well as all credit card statements. I see nothing there for cause for concern.
I will continue to monitor everything and if something looks awry she will get a chance to explain. She can’t bullshit me and she knows it.

I’m going to be damn sure there is a problem before I do any accusing. If I throw it out there only to find out all is good there will be a price to pay for that. I’m guessing she won’t talk to me about it because she already knows it’s a area of conflict for us so why go there as opposed to hiding something. As Elvis sang only fools rush in.
Thanks for all the comments and thoughts.

Good luck to you. Realize you didn't ask for input or any other question in your OP, so you've already got more than requested. Interesting that after all that your initial concerns are now being downplayed not by others but you.

If you took anything away from the others offering insight not to your situation but similar ones, it might need to be that you don't necessarily know everything you think/hope you do and are unable to accurately estimate the ability of someone properly motivated to bullshit any of us. As are most of us when first confronted with that challenge. I've certainly failed in that regard.