Two-fer

I was walking home the other night and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery. Three girls walked up to me and explained that they were scared to walk past the cemetery at night and asked if they could walk with me for a bit. Being the nice guy that I am, I happily agreed to let them walk with me. I told them I understood completely, I used to get freaked out too back when I was still alive...

Never seen anyone run so fast in my entire life.



A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long life.
He said, you need to sprinkle a little gunpowder on you oatmeal every mourning. If you do, you live to a nice old age.
So the grandson did this religiously, every day for the rest of his life. And sure enough it worked. He lived to a ripe old age of 96.
When he died he left behind 4 children, 8 grandchildren, 15 great grandchildren and a 16 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

Ha, stolen! Hard to find good, clean humor, thanks!

Awesome!