Back (way back) when I was a yoof in the Navy, I was injured in an accident, during the recovery I was not able to do my normal stuff in the missile maintenance department, so I was assigned temporary duty as the Leading Chief's yeoman (sort of a secretary / admin type job if you don't speak Navy).

One of my duties was to type the stencil for the mimeograph machine (yes, I really am that old) for the Plan Of The Day, which was read to the troops at morning muster.

Our squadron's Plan Of The Day always had a safety note at the bottom of the page. One day I was feeling particularly creative, so the safety note was, "Don't drink while parking. Accidents cause people."

Long enough ago that I can't remember who read the Plan Of The Day through the PA system, probably either the Exec, or the Leading Chief, but whoever it was just plowed ahead and read what was written there without thinking, much to the amusement of the squadron.

Just a normal day for V-Tail in the Navy. I still managed to snag a Good Conduct medal, not quite sure how that happened.

Smoking grass at lunchtime while sitting in the car in the basement parking garage of the Nassif Bldg in Wash DC. The Nassif Bldg was the HQ for the Department of Transportation, and also Coast Guard HQ, which was under DOT at the time.

Update: G-Man reminds me that I did sneak my future wife into the BEQ at Fort Meyer, and also smoked in there.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: mikeyspizza,

At one point I was in charge of the fuck up detail in the Army, those guys awaiting general or drug abuse discharges.

I would march them 15 feet, have them fall out, and walk them to their details. I instructed them to salute and give the greeting of the day to each officer we passed separately. Officers were required to return salutes.

While stationed on Okinawa as a young Marine, I can’t believe I left that island without a bad conduct discharge. Girls hiding in my BEQ (bachelor enlisted quarters) during inspections, bar fights in the clubs outside Kadena Air Force Base, and Operation Team Spirit in 1989, Korea: I spent a month there one night!

I “borrowed” some calling cards (business cards) off the XO’s desk. Would hand 5hem out to select women on port calls and tell them “ask for me, I’ll give you a personal tour of the battleship”

CDR “Iron Mike” Fahey never quite figured out why these women kept asking for him. To the amusement of the wardroom

After pissing off a Sergeant, I was assigned to the Motor Pool. Seoul Korea, 1959.

I had a Military drivers license and a 3/4 ton truck at my disposal.

A good chum asked me to deliver a TV set to a place outside the compound for repair. Gave me $10 for the trip.

A bit later I discovered it was the company Day room TV and the SOB sold it to a Korean to help cover a debt.

We never got caught.

I'm not sure the statute of limitations has passed yet...


I managed to inadvertently cause a minor international incident in Oman once because I didn't understand the culture and was 20 and dumb.

A year or so later a couple of us did it more on purpose just North of Jeddah, which some may know is near Mecca, in the second week of Ramadan.

...then there was that Little Rock herk sitting on the ramp in Kuwait just waiting for some parts to be salvaged...

Probably a few other things I've forgotten.

Few of us one night repainted another ships name from Tampa to Tampax on her stern.


When I was aboard Metompkin we put a single marble in the hvac compartment above the CO & XOs quarters...think 1/2 inch holes drilled into the ceiling....that marble would roll for a while then settle in a hole until it got bounced out due to a wave....kept them both from sleeping and we never got caught...bonus was when they were zombie tired they would have us go anchor somewhere so they could sleep and we didn’t have to do any boardings

Plenty of other stuff...maybe later



Edited for typo

This message has been edited. Last edited by: MikeinNC,

I hung my boots from the post flag pole the morning I left for home. Had my buddy salute them while I raised em. Had my name written in them so I got some funny Facebook messages when I got off the plane.

Also the post I lived on was formerly an air base. Still had the fighter jet on display just up the road from the gate. I got day drunk, climbed on top of it and got a pic of me doing the football pose. Those things are way taller, and way more slippery than they look. Funny thing is that I was an MP and my buddy was on patrol and drove right past me

Why, nothing! I was a model sailor.

That's my story...

<insert Sgt. Shulz response>

I found in order to keep from getting put on some crappy detail that if I walked around with a clipboard in hand no one ever bothered me . Always looked like I was on a "mission".

Years ago Jeep’s didn’t have steering locks. They had ignition switches no keys. A couple times folks would borrow one at the PX parking lock and drive back to or area after shopping. One time a Jeep ended up for an extended period at some tank trails at Ft Hood. Four wheelin fun.
Later Jeep’s had a place welded in the floor board to chain lock the steering wheels.
At least that what I heard.

Stole some candy from a vending machine while on guard duty in Basic.

Parked on the grass at Tripler Army Hospital, got a ticket and had Father Ford (Colonel Ford) fix the ticket for me.

Stole a Captain's desk under the guise of getting it to take to the shop for "routine maintenance."

Made my own pass and carried it in my wallet so I didn't have to worry about getting my pass pulled for gigs on Saturday Inspection.

None for me. But Sgt. Bilco (50s TV) and “The Revolt of Gunner Asch” (Hellmut Kirst) come to mind.

This involved our whole enlisted barracks. I get back from a leave and next morning getting dressed hear our barracks Sargent yell attention,followed by laughter.Again he yellls ATTENTION, even more laughter. I ask the guy in the next bunk what’s going on. He says Sargent M....,must have discovered the Captain living with us.It seems this Captain was passed over twice for promotion and decided not to reenlist,so the Army kicked him out of his BOQ.He and a E6 on the top floor were in a Post flying club and the E6 told him it being summer the barracks half empty and he could bunk with us if he didn’t mind.He was already there over a week and the Sargent didn’t now it until that morning.

I was a PFC during Basic and having already signed on with the MT Guard, I had unit patches on my BDUs so I didn't look like your average trainee. I was also one of the company truck drivers. So, when returning the 5-ton to the motor pool I'd swing by a shoppette in a different part of the post, buy smokes and chew (forbidden under "total control"), and bring them back to the barracks to sell for a tidy profit. $1/smoke, $20/pack. $20 for a can of Copenhagen.

Training with NATO troops in Estonia, we got a several hour pass to go into Tallinn. I got so damn drunk, one of our medics had to give me an IV the next morning. I was so hungover, I had my rifle in one hand and was dragging my ruck behind me with the other.

While I didn't do this, a friend did. He wrapped an oxygen/acetylene hose around himself to take it home from one of the Navy nuclear plants outside of Idaho Falls, Idaho. He wrapped it too tight and while passing through the radiation detectors at the gate, he passed out due to lack of oxygen. This was in the middle of winter and it gets damn cold in the middle of the desert. He was discovered when the guard unzipped his coat to give him CPR. It didn't go well for him.

We had a worthless, drunk senior NCO at Long Binh. He had found a brand new SKS and had it hanging on the wall behind his desk. He was going to take it home when his year was up.

There was this goofy SP4 I worked with who really didn't like the sergeant. When he worked nights, he would piss in a cup and fill the barrel of the SKS. He would top it off every couple of days. The sergeant would complain about his corner of the office smelling bad, but never could find the cause.

I don't remember the day he left for home, but I am sure piss must have been leaking out of that barrel when he carried it. I am also sure there must have been a bunch of rust in there.