Turn 50 in a few months. Married 21 years. One kid sophomore in college, one a junior in high school.

Been at my high-tech high-stress job for 14 years now. Stayed on the previous job 7 years before that, and 5 prior that one. I'm a "stick it out" kind of guy.

But I'm burnt to fuck at this point. 50 hour week is the norm. 8AM factory calls, work all day, fast food lunch when you can scarf it down, status meetings all day, mentoring, mandatory "you're a racist" classes, actual development work, scheduling, test planning, test execution, more status meetings, race home to feed the kids, barely clean up, and it's time for my 8:30-10Pm call with china factory.

I'm starting to feel "disassociated", if that make sense. How many "top priorities" can be "top priority" every week, week in and week out?

Stomach pain, nausea. Sleeping a lot worse than normal. Ambien doesn't help any more.

Is this it? The big "mid life crisis"? Am I here? Lost most of my friends when they divorced their wives that were friends with my wife. Gotta pick a side, and it better be your wife's side.....

for a while a was really loving the distraction of adventure riding, some of you may have seen some of my posts. That was awesome, until I cracked the bike's frame in half and that was the end of it. My truck got wiped out in a tornado, the bike got totaled, and my house had to have a new roof. So whatever disposable income I thought I had went bye-bye just paying deductibles.

Now it's just work, deadlines, schedules, defect tracking. My nest egg is in the shitter, right along with the rest of the market. I've got 10 years to recover.

Had to stop taking testosterone replacement when my hematocrit got dangerously high. As in -go right now and dump 1.5 pints of blood, today, right now.... Well shit, I kind of liked being on the juice. Made me feel better. Two months off it, and I probably won't stroke out, but I need a friggin nap every day now.

I'm grateful for my family. My wife and kids are terrific. I'm just feeling pretty hollow.

Having a hard time concentrating at work sometimes. They keep piling it on, higher and deeper. More platforms and configurations with fewer people and less resources, oh and if you could come in Saturday that'd be great. I think it's hard to have any technical depth on a given product when you're expected develop for 20-30 products and most of them are snowflakes. Oh, and do sustaining and regression for all your old products, and handle customer escalations with 24 hour turnaround.


Anybody else been here? Is this what 50 feels like? The grind?

I'm often worried about CTE, and the punishment I put my noggin through as an idiot child. Football/bmx/motocross. Extreme skiing as a teen. Mountain biking as a young adult. crashes and head injuries were just part of the package.

I sometimes struggle to remember things I should probably know. My wife says "everybody does that". Well, I'm an engineer working in this field for 25 years, there are somethings I should have ingrained in my DNA.

Could be lack of sleep. 4 years into CPAP and I can't keep it on more than 1-2 hours.

Zero of you guys know me, and that's cool. It's just the internet. But this is the closest thing I have to a support group.

Anybody else going through some weird times? Just keep grinding? STFU?

I think I'd like to see a nutritionist. Maybe if my diet was better I'd lose a few. Less inflammation.

<ramble off\>

fwbulldog, sounds like you need a vacation to me. I'm 10 years ahead of you and have similar thoughts and concerns you've mentioned. Consider seeking some professional help to get you re-focused on what's important to you. Also, take a few days for yourself doing something you enjoy or simply a low stress do nothing but relax thing. Sounds selfish, but we all need downtime to refocus, evaluate and prioritize what in life is important for you and family. Health and happiness is two important items. Best wishes

You're essentially on the clock for over 12 hours per day. It sounds like a percentage of the meetings need to be moved to be less often. Is there anyone ELSE who can do either the 8AM or 8:30PM tasks? If not, carve out several hours in the middle of the time for your own personal needs (better food, exercise, etc.). Is anyone else in the company keeping these hours? If not, why are you?

I think the track towards burnout is reaching the dead end of the road right now.

As for sleep, you're so burned by the time you go to sleep that you can't get effective sleep. If you are lacking exercise, pick a time and do it each day. If you're carrying extra weight (which you did mention), find a way to lose it. Try a different mattress type. Medication to sleep won't fix a defective sleep schedule as you're wound up - it can't affect you the way it was designed, and it should only be a temporary aid instead of long-term.

Is it possible to shift away from development, maybe move into more of a business development or sales/support role?

I had the opportunity to do just that and it's been pretty great.

Real engineering is a grind. I'm not sure what your discipline is, but in my world not many guys can, or should, do R&D their whole career.

It sounds like you are operating on a higher rung of the ladder than I was, so it probably isn't fair for me to say I can empathize with everything you have to endure...but yeah, you're whistling the same tune I was about your age. I spent 17 years in a high tech manufacturing clean room environment, working 12 hour night shifts that were really 14-15 hour shifts because there was so many details and pieces of information to sort through that I came in an hour before my shift started and stayed 1-2 hours after my shift, either because so many things broke over the shift that I didn't want to pass them onto the day shift, and/ or so many details and that needed to be logged and follow-up emails to be sent. Often came in early for pre-shift meetings or trainings, or just because day shift was short on people and needed a hand...

... and because I took pride in doing my job well, or at least trying to do it right, I had my share of team mates looking to crater me, and stab me in the back, because they were looking to do the minimal amount of work or to paperwhip PM quality checks that I took seriously.

As a Production Specialist or Module Maintenance Technician, depending on which company I worked for, we were 'owned' by Production, but required to be trained and interface with Engineering, Maintenance, and to a large extent, by our Training group. We had a lot of specs, procedures, and requirements to follow... complicated by goals/ expectations from the Production group. Too many hats to wear.

I'd typically receive 40-50 pages per Shift, maybe 8-10 phone calls to take or make, and probably read or send 50 emails, + stay informed of every spec change covering maybe 20-30 specs. In addition to qualing or running PM or maintenance checks, we were expected to run production tools as necessary, and ensure that WIP flowed smoothly and quickly from one area to the next.

The tool sets and functional areas we covered could be great distances apart, and I typically covered 8-10 miles of fast walking in a shift. Technically we were supposed to get 2 breaks per shift, but I often postponed or sacrificed one or sometimes both breaks, depending on how many issues were going on simultaneously. As long as 12-14 hours seems, I was so busy that the shift flew by and there never seemed to be enough time to get everything done that was expected.

As difficult and time consuming as the technical issues were, far and away the biggest issues that we had to deal with were people issues. Either staffing shortages or people conflicts.

Given all that, getting almost no sleep during the day while lawn mowers are running, kids screaming or crying while playing outside, garbage trucks and Harleys going by, and people knocking on my door, I started looking for anyway I could to save a few minutes for sleep. I would often get off shift, head straight to a nearby fast food restaurant, and I would buy enough breakfasts, lunches, and dinners to last me for every meal for the next 3 or 4 days of shift... and on my days off I was so exhausted that I would head back to the fast food restaurants or call for delivery for several meals on my days off.

As most people do, I went through an early difficult phase in learning to work night shift, but eventually adjusted and, with discipline, would adjust between night shift when working nights, and switching back to a day shift schedule on my days off...but, the older I got, the more exhausted I became, and I stopped switching and some weeks I just kept my body on a night shift schedule... which meant no more fishing, no more hiking, no more camping, and no more exercise or stress relief.

I had gained a LOT of weight working nights and that + the job stress took a real toll on my health. BP through the roof, blood and cholesterol all jacked up, and as busy as I was I wasn't about to go see a doc, and I ignored symptoms for years that if I had paid attention to years earlier I could've taken corrective action on and avoided serious issues.

Reached a point where a combination of the ridiculous expectations and the back stabbing people issues hit critical mass with me, I felt like complete shit, and dreaded every single shift and I finally put in my 2 weeks notice and walked away. I'm fairly certain that was what my boss wanted anyways, and I was at a point where I was willing to oblige him.

Figured if I took a few months off before jumping back into the job market that my stress levels would be reduced to a normal level and I'd return to my unified healthy self... but the damage had been done and my health continued to decline, and after many doctor and EMS responses, at age 49, I ended up in the ER with multiple life threatening health conditions. I spent weeks in the hospital followed by several more hospital stays and multiple procedures...and weekly doctor visits.

It's been a long road, I'll never be young again and I'll never be %100 healthy... but through serious life changes I've made great improvements to my health, although I need to lose even more weight and exercise even more.

fwbulldog, my friend, I'm a few years older than you and, although I was lower on the food chain than you, a lot of the stresses you mentioned really hit home for me and are eerily similar to what I faced. I wish I had better words of wisdom for you, but I think just by your post you instinctively realize that the career and life stresses you face will eventually wreck your health.

The fact that you are seeing symptoms now seems to be a great indicator that you need to get checked out by your doc. Talked to him (or her), tell them what kind of stress you're under, get a physical and blood work and see what's going on. After determining my BP was way high years ago, one of my previous docs said "I'll give you 10 points more on the BP just for working nights", but personally I think the same could be said for a stressful day job.

I can understand not having the discretionary funds to help you relax and do things that you enjoy, but maybe you could start making small incremental changes to help improve your health. Any kind of exercise, even walking on your lunch break, or morning or evening walks maybe? Get away from those expensive fast food meals if you can.

No matter how difficult these changes might be for you now, trust me when I say it will only be more difficult to make the needed changes, the older you get.

It took me years before deciding to get more serious about weight loss and making health changes, but I've gotten into a regular fasting schedule that has really helped me.

In several ways it would be best for me to jump back into the high tech manufacturing gigs...but when I read your post I just cringe, all the stress and gripes come flooding back, and I remember all the reasons I really don't want to go back.

I really do feel for you. I'm glad you have your family to hang on to, and I hope you will listen to that little voice that is telling you that you need to consider making some changes while you still can.

Stop a moment and take a look at this job market. It's a skilled employees dream market. Hell, it's a dream for any willing employee with a pulse. So, .. recognizing that you have so many available options, go talk to your boss and tell him/her most of what you just told us. Ask them for help. I'm betting they help you carve it back a few notches. I guarantee you they are quite up to date on what is happening in the job market, and that they damn sure don't want to lose you. Tell them something's got to give.

In many careers, the job will take all you've got if you willingly give it. And in general, while we tend to blame employers, the truth is, there's only one person who can make it as bad as you've just described.

You've got to carve out some time for yourself. I'd use it for exercise personally, because I think that might help your sleep. You've got to get WAY more selfish. Self-care I think they call it nowadays.

Also, and I'd say this is critical if you've got sleep apnea, Do not give up on the CPAP. My wife had to try a few models over a few years. If the one you have isn't working for you, go back to the doctor and tell them it isn't working, let's try another. Repeat as necessary.

If you can't sleep AND breathe, then that's your number one priority until you can.

^^^^

Ya know rOgue, over the years you've made some great posts and offered some good info and advice, and that post right there is up there with the best of them. Great insight and perspective!

There's a lot going on here. I can't provide you any advice as I don't know all the ins and outs of your situation.

I can tell you one thing, remember it. Your work does not care about you. I'll say it again, they don't care about you.

When you leave, you will be forgotten shortly after. When you quit or retire, your boss won't call to check on you, nor will the machines, vendors, or customers.

Does your wife know all this? If not, give her a chance to help you. You aren't alone, I hear you loud and clear.

Rogue is spot-on.

quote:

Originally posted by VictimNoMore:
Rogue is spot-on.

Yes, on all aspects of fwbulldog’s situation.

I’ll preface this with the fact that I am NOT a medical professional… and it seems clear that ultimately it is a ultimate-faceted problem…

But I’d be sure to consider the possibility that the cessation of testosterone treatment likely has a significant role. I’d mention all this to your MD

quote:

Originally posted by VictimNoMore:

Rogue is spot-on.

Skins is, too.

Nothing is more important than your all-around health and mental well-being for the sake of yourself and your family.

I too was in a similar situation working for a high-tech chip and integrated circuit manufacturing company (~21 years) and was working crazy hours to support domestic manufacturing and our overseas operations in Singapore, Thailand, South Korea and Spain.

When the tech bubble burst and the company was going through massive layoffs yoy I was retained because I was a top performer, etc., but my workload continued to increase to make of the the laid-off staff.

It was an impossible workload and my mental and physical health began to decline. I was relieved to be finally laid off with a pretty nice ‘package’ and that was the companies ‘hook’ to keep me on.

It was a grind and as stated previously in another post the company DNGAF about you.

That said, just about the only thing in my control during this time, especially the last year or so, was working on my resume, applying for opportunities that interested me in ‘sane’ and growth industries. I went on a bunch of interviews to hone my interviewing skills, network
with people and got some offers to ‘gauge’ the salary range and benefits of my ‘corporate value’.

When I was eventually let go I landed me a great opportunity vis a vis a connection that I made during my casual job search.

In fact they wanted me to start before some unemployment benefits were ‘consumed’ and I asked for a two-week push in my start date which they were happy to accommodate.

Take care of yourself and focus on what you can control.

fwbulldog, what r0gue wrote. Every bit of it. It's a seller's market right now. You're in the catbird seat.

I was once in a situation not entirely unlike yours. Come to think of, I wasn't much shy of fifty, either. Told my boss I couldn't do two jobs and do them well, and doing things poorly didn't suit me. Pick which one he wanted me to do. He would. He didn't. After some time went by I reminded him of our conversation. He'd make a decision. He didn't. Finally, one day, I told him: "You must choose. If you don't, you'll have to replace me in both positions, cuz I'm leaving." We made the decision, together, at that very moment.

The problem was he didn't want to lose me in either position. I understood that, but I wasn't going to do to myself what you're doing to yourself for his or the company's benefit.

The next time I hit the wall was many years later, but that was more because I was just plain ready to retire, more than burn-out or overwork, per se. I was just done. I did have every moment to my scheduled retirement planned-out, so, when my boss would try to add something to my plate I'd simply say "Ok. What do I take off my plate to make room for it?" He'd look at me like "What?" "I have <this many> days. My plate is full. I'm not putting in more time. I'm not moving my retirement date back. So, to add something, something else has to be removed. Choose." <dirty look> "Forget it."

You are in an unsustainable position. You need to fix it.

Oh, btw: I always always took lunch, I almost never "scarfed it down," and I did not tolerate my lunch being interrupted by anything less than a building fire. My lunch was my time. Occasionally somebody would think to disturb me during my lunch. They generally tried that only once

Rogue wrote what I was thinking as I was reading the OP.

Rogue has the employee opinion well covered and I second it. I’m in the same situation and looking and there is stuff out there. A lot of people have switched positions and there are companies hurting for your skills. Indeed, monster, career builder. In this field, you will get a lot of Indian calls as they have outsourced all the shit. You’ll get 1 in 50 being an American contacting you. It gets aggravating. I’d also list on your resume “Permanent positions. No contracts” I say that because I get beat to hell with contract offers and I’m not interested.

Then on the health front, you are flirting with danger. You need to work on your health in the interim. Fast food at lunch is doing you no good, it’s actually killing you IMO. Need to start eating clean, healthy. If FF is all you have time for, get the grilled chicken salad at those places, literally every single day. And I’d recommend working out, on the reg. It helps tremendously with the work stress and hours. It’s the only way my body and mind will put up with the work, plates, and more plates. I also recommend pounding electrolytes all day, and getting a solid vitamin and supplement thing going. You can produce T naturally by lifting weight. There are also OTC testosterone boosters that help some. They are not going to be the same level as TRT, but they will help a lot. My PCP recommended against TRT because you really need to be on it for life if you get on it.

Once you get to a certain level the fucking management at these companies are going to push, and push, and push until they drain every bit of life they can out of you. Get your health in order, maybe talk to management realistically about your health, and look for a new gig at the same time. I know exactly what you are going through. I just had a quarterly meeting with one of my vendors where they want to take you out to eat. I went for the first time in 10 years. Fancy steak joint, very high end, could have anything I waned and I ordered the salmon. And I was pissed because it caused me to miss the gym. Called my senior director I report to and said that’s the last fucking time. Evenings are mine and vendor wine and dines are for someone else. They say work life balance. It’s really work life health balance. Eat clean, workout, it’ll help with the sleep. 1mg of Xanax will knock your ass out if Ambien isn’t working.

Fwbulldog, thanks for your post. Shortly after turning 50 I came to the conclusion that I've had enough pizza, cake and ice cream in my life that I would try to feed my brain and body the nutritional "information" it requires and eliminate the processed crap and seed oils.

It seems engineers have a better perspective on nutrition than the medical or nutritional "experts". They work from first principles. Eat Rich Live Long is a good addition to the toolbox.

You might give your body a chance to reset and see if you suddenly feel more energy, sleep better, more resilient to daily stressing etc.

Dealing with stress is at times getting better and stronger in the face of it. I say, bring it on.

fwbulldog,

Rogue, Skins, Ensigmatic, and Prefontaine all have very good points. They’re spot on.

I was in a similar situation back in 2018. I managed a distribution center. I was the head of operations IT, project manager for the software system we had just implemented, still in Logistics and making sure our inbound freight arrived and saving tons of money, I managed the cameras, security, and card access systems.
I lived my job. I felt so important, and I was. It took 4 people to replace me, and I still field a call a month to help them out.

We went on vacation. Two weeks in an area that cell service was spotty and at my Pop’s house where we were staying, it was almost non existent. In those two weeks, my wife and I got a long great, I forgot a lot of the stresses of work, and I enjoyed life a little.

I went back to work on a Tuesday. Thursday night (it was actually Friday morning around 3 am) I got home from work and my wife and I decided we would quit our jobs, sell our house and move to where we vacation. I was 45 when we made this choice. We promised each other that we would work the same schedule, or close to it. We would have the same days off if possible and make sacrifices to ensure that happens.

Fast forward three years later. For the most part my job isn’t stressful and we enjoy life. The last month and a half has been extremely stressful, but there were some personnel changes that had to be made. This resulted in me working many extra hours. Things should be back to normal soon.

My point in telling you all of this is that I did this to myself. I liked the feeling of being “the guy”, and I thrived on it. To the point it was killing me. I didn’t even realize I was doing that until I had quit, moved, and a lot of time had passed. I did that to myself. I wasted so much time and time with my family. I wasted so much health.

Life is short. It’s really short. You’re literally killing yourself for this job. Is it worth it? I promise you it’s not.

As mentioned earlier, start to exercise. Take your full lunch break. Eat at a normal pace. I can’t stress enough how important it is to take a normal lunch break and to eat at a normal pace. Scarfing down lunch is not healthy. You don’t digest your food very well. The CPAP is pretty important. Keep at it. A good night sleep and oxygen makes life a whole lot better.

As far as a nutritionist, my son is a nutritionist and personal trainer. I would be happy to share a meal plan with you. It’s quite easy to prepare, and it is very healthy. It’s a couple weeks of food and you can mix and match as you like. My email is in my profile.

On that same note, if you just want to vent and say it all without typing, shoot me an email. I’ll give you my number and I’m here to take your call. I’ll be cooking all day, so I have plenty of time. I really feel like I know where you’re coming from. I was in very much the same boat when we changed our lives completely. Honestly, feel free to get ahold of me.