Never take a picture of your GF when she is angry at you and screaming.
And if you do, never, ever show it to her in the future.

quote:

Originally posted by 12131:
Congratulations! When is the due date?

I had a buddy say these exact words to a IHOP waitress one night after hitting the bar. She stomped off and then the screaming began from around the kitchen area letting everyone know what he had said. Unfortunately, this was prior to receiving our meal. Needless to say I didn't eat much and what I did eat was inspected thoroughly.

Did the doctor say why you’ve put on so much weight?

.

Just stop talking long enough so I can explain...
Just get over it...

Just stop worrying about it and calm down...
Why does it bother you so much, it doesn't bother me...

Don't take this personally...
Actually, it still looks the same to me...
Maybe you should start going to the gym with me...

You should be more like my Mom...
You remind me of my Mom...
You're becoming like your Mom...

What did you do all day...
You never told me that...

Why don't we have sex like we used to...

You talk too much...

just kidding Dear

.

Wife complaining repeatedly about some kind of pain.

“Did you take anything for it?”

Oh wait! It’s me who gets mad when she says, “No.”

quote:

Originally posted by GT-40DOC:
I did it once ^^^^^, never again!!

Same here. Made that mistake once.

Now, like Dave Barry, I don’t say anything till they’re home from the hospital.

quote:

Originally posted by V-Tail:
If she asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"

The wife’s sister asked me that. I said “we’re not married so I’m not answering that question.”

She got pissed off anyway.

‘Do these yoga pants make my butt look big’

There is no right answer to this

Are you ready yet?

quote:

Originally posted by Batty67:
I *almost* asked a co-worker if she was pregnant getting onto an elevator with her and another female co-worker. Long ago, late 90s. The OTHER woman asked and got an EARFUL and told NO! I'm on steroids for something... I remember thinking, "I was seconds from asking the same damn thing."

That lesson stuck with me.

My Dad told me he witnessed the same thing from a guy in an elevator no less! He learned the lesson and passed it on to me. One mistake I have not made in my life.

quote:

Originally posted by RogueJSK:
"Are you mad?" Or "Why are you mad?"

You won't get a straight answer. You'll get "No" or "I'm fine".

An you get to the point, please.

quote:

Originally posted by sleepla8er:

You're becoming like your Mom...

One of the wife’s sisters is quite the scold. If the wife starts in on me and I get tired of it, I’ll start calling her by her sister’s name.

Even the wife knows what a bitch her sister can be. I only have to use her sister’s name once and she gets the point.

One of my buddies asked his wife where she wanted to go for dinner....

She said "I don't care" (what else?), so he proceeds to mention a few of his favorite places.......

She rejects his choices and he calmly replies "Well, I guess you do care then".

He is very smooth......

quote:

Originally posted by LS1 GTO:
I'll start;

Never EVER ask a woman if she's pregnant.

You just need to be wrong once to understand why.

Indeed. I've made that mistake only ONCE.

quote:

Originally posted by Jimbo Jones:
Dave Barry had guidance on this: never ask a woman if shes pregnant unless you see the baby actually emerging from her body.

quote:

Originally posted by LS1 GTO:
I'll start;

Never EVER ask a woman if she's pregnant.

You just need to be wrong once to understand why.

Good lord that's funny.

If it's clearly obvious and makes perfect sense, don't say it no matter the consequences for good or evil.

quote:

Originally posted by heathtx:
One of my buddies asked his wife where she wanted to go for dinner....

She said "I don't care" (what else?), so he proceeds to mention a few of his favorite places.......

She rejects his choices and he calmly replies "Well, I guess you do care then".

He is very smooth......

The warden went up to the cell of a woman about to be executed and asked her what she wanted for her last meal.

"Mmmmmmm, I dunno. What were you thinking about?"

True story.

quote:

Originally posted by Hammer1967:
I wonder how is your sister in bed?

Also, "I really like that little thing she does with her tongue".