quote:

Originally posted by smschulz:

quote:

I will try to keep this short, and to the point.

Whaddya want, Chief? I said it was a long fucking story in the title and I could have made a whole page worth of text on its own.

Not helpful. Cute, but not appreciated. Thanks. Lemme sum up my goddamn life experience in 500 words or less if you don’t have an attention span: Not a single point of this whole fucking mess is “simple” and I distilled as best I could.

Looks like you have a solid view of the situation you face.

Protect your son and wife at ALL costs.

Your mother and father are adults, they have made their choices and it's on them to live them out - not you. And as they have acted this way for years, significant change is highly unlikely.

One of the things we could benefit from being taught while growing up is that we can't be obligated to rescue others from situations they willingly bound themselves with & won't participate in their own recovery.

Its very hard to help someone in a meaningful way if they're in denial.

Being able to set boundaries is a good thing to learn. Not always easy, but long-term the best route.

quote:

Originally posted by smschulz:

quote:

I will try to keep this short, and to the point.

Uncalled for. Completely unnecessary, and rude. Mind your manners.

quote:

Originally posted by RHINOWSO:
Looks like you have a solid view of the situation you face.

Protect your son and wife at ALL costs.

Your mother and father are adults, they have made their choices and it's on them to live them out - not you. And as they have acted this way for years, significant change is highly unlikely.

Yep. This is the marrow.

Your family is home with you right now. It sounds like you’ve realized that. Please don’t let anyone else interfere with your relationship with your family. I certainly respect you wanting to help your mother but she has to want help before it will be worthwhile. As for your father, sounds like you’ve got it figured out already. Prayers for you and your family.

quote:

Originally posted by darthfuster:

quote:

Originally posted by RHINOWSO:
Looks like you have a solid view of the situation you face.

Protect your son and wife at ALL costs.

Your mother and father are adults, they have made their choices and it's on them to live them out - not you. And as they have acted this way for years, significant change is highly unlikely.

Yep. This is the marrow.

Cheers, fellas. It’s a shitty conclusion to have to come to, but other people have made their lifetimes of choices and some things just have to play out as they must. At the same time that I know I’m doing this to protect myself and my son, I really do internally lament that he will be denied the second set of grandparents I expected that he would have.

It’s just so sad that it makes me angry. I’m really not in a good place right now. I’m not going to do anything stupid, but I’m going to have a really hard time sleeping tonight.

Whatever anyone thinks of me, if you're the praying sort, my mother could really use it. She's a good spirit and spent 20 years as a cop. She's pretty unhappy in general and now she's in a lot of pain. She just married wrong and needs the strength to do something about it now. I'd prefer not to shut her out also, but... I will do what I have to.

My family put the fun in dysfunctional and I bailed on them too. Its an all too common theme in our society. Just because you share some DNA with some folks doesnt mean they get to abuse you. Do what you need to do to protect you and yours. Living well is the best revenge. Good luck!

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Originally posted by P220 Smudge:
Cheers, fellas. It’s a shitty conclusion to have to come to, but other people have made their lifetimes of choices and some things just have to play out as they must. At the same time that I know I’m doing this to protect myself and my son, I really do internally lament that he will be denied the second set of grandparents I expected that he would have.

It’s just so sad that it makes me angry. I’m really not in a good place right now. I’m not going to do anything stupid, but I’m going to have a really hard time sleeping tonight.

He might one day have that set of grandparents, but really he doesn't right now, and it's best he not be exposed to the toxicity. There is only so much you can do and only so much energy you have. Don't waste it where it won't have any effect.

quote:

Originally posted by P220 Smudge:

Cheers, fellas.

Well, cheers back, brother. I can't offer much, but I'm sitting in an airport lounge at the moment and can tell you that you'll be on my mind during my upcoming red eye. Godspeed to you.

Wishing you the best. Hoping your mother gets better soon.

You should be able to contact the hospital to at least get updates.

I have no advice, but I can say a prayer for your mother, and the rest of your family.

P220 Smudge,

Sorry to hear about the situation. My brother-in-law is a habitual drunk and destroyed his branch of the family tree and he has been fully cut out of our lives forever. In my humble opinion, you need to get your mother out of there ASAP, as in when she leaves the hospital bring her home with you and grab as much stuff as you can on the way out of town. Open new bank accounts in her and your name and get any retirement money, etc. rerouted to those accounts. Both of you need to cut him off entirely and bury that relationship. There is no way you can fix this otherwise. I watched my MIL and FIL shell out tens of thousands of dollars over 15-20 years on my BIL just to watch him piss everything down the drain. You seem to have a good family yourself with your wife and son...protect it and move on the best you can. Good luck!

Smudge, I don’t have any good advice. I’m sorry to hear of this situation. My wife will add your family to her prayers.

I'm sorry. As you know life sucks sometimes.

Just continue doing the best you can. You can't change him at this point obviously.

I wish you a happy New Year. Just take a deep breath and be the better man.

----------------------------------------

I am so sorry for your nightmare. Colleagues and I dealt with other people's family disasters for many years. Your story, unfortunately, is not that unusual and follows a long term pattern. There comes a time when the economic and emotional costs become so great from a destructive personality in the family, the only alternative is to insulate your loved ones from the madness and cut ties for good. Easy for me to say, and really hard to do, but you have to make the best choice for your wife and kid to avoid their being dragged into the insanity

The best advise I can give you and the one I`ve tried to follow after my family went apocalyptical in 2018 is to remain true to yourself.

Just give the best of yourself simply because you`ll have to live with it, regardless of the others reactions and consequences. Some/most things will always be out of your control.

Have found that the test I endured made me a better person and I was able to face the situation with a more open attitude. I feel good about myself and that makes a difference, every day.

Avoid doing or saying things that can`t be undone or taken back.

Best of luck and patience.

0-0

quote:

Originally posted by fpuhan:
Al-Anon

Go.
Others who have similar lived experience(s) are -right now- the key to you working through this and beyond this. They have been "there" and they have done "that".

quote:

Originally posted by 0-0:
The best advise I can give you and the one I`ve tried to follow after my family went apocalyptical in 2018 is to remain true to yourself.

Just give the best of yourself simply because you`ll have to live with it, regardless of the others reactions and consequences. Some/most things will always be out of your control.

Have found that the test I endured made me a better person and I was able to face the situation with a more open attitude. I feel good about myself and that makes a difference, every day.

Avoid doing or saying things that can`t be undone or taken back.

Best of luck and patience.

0-0

Very well said!

I hope this works out well for you,I hate stories like this,brings up bad stuff in my younger years.
Families hurt us the most at times.