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| Three Generations of Service  |
At least, I hadn't heard it before. Feller walks into a bar with an alligator on a leash. Pulls up a stool and says "Do you serve lawyers here?" Bartender says "Sure. What'll ya have?" Feller says "I'll have a beer, and bring a lawyer for my 'gator." Be careful when following the masses. Sometimes the M is silent. | ||
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| No double standards |
The best lawyer jokes I have heard come from other lawyers. But when a lawyer tells me a joke, I first ask if the joke time will be included on my bill. "Liberty lies in the hearts of men and women. When it dies there, no constitution, no law, no court can save it....While it lies there, it needs no constitution, no law, no court to save it" - Judge Learned Hand, May 1944 | |||
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Age Quod Agis |
Stobbit. Everything's on the bill. "I vowed to myself to fight against evil more completely and more wholeheartedly than I ever did before. . . . That’s the only way to pay back part of that vast debt, to live up to and try to fulfill that tremendous obligation." Alfred Hornik, Sunday, December 2, 1945 to his family, on his continuing duty to others for surviving WW II. | |||
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| I believe in the principle of Due Process  |
The best lawyer joke I ever heard was when the buffoons at the State Bar of California considered a Rule of Professional Conduct that if someone told a demeaning lawyer joke in the presence of a member of the State Bar, the member was required to leave. I don‘t believe it was ever put in force. Somebody must have sobered up, or out of herbs. Luckily, I have enough willpower to control the driving ambition that rages within me. When you had the votes, we did things your way. Now, we have the votes and you will be doing things our way. This lesson in political reality from Lyndon B. Johnson "Some things are apparent. Where government moves in, community retreats, civil society disintegrates and our ability to control our own destiny atrophies. The result is: families under siege; war in the streets; unapologetic expropriation of property; the precipitous decline of the rule of law; the rapid rise of corruption; the loss of civility and the triumph of deceit. The result is a debased, debauched culture which finds moral depravity entertaining and virtue contemptible." - Justice Janice Rogers Brown | |||
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| Administrator |
It actually goes: Feller walks into a bar with an alligator on a leash. Pulls up a stool and says "Do you serve lawyers here?" Bartender says "Sure. What'll ya have?" Feller says "I'll have two beers, one for me, one for my lit-i-gator friend, here." | |||
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Political Cynic |
whats brown and black and looks good on a lawyer? a Doberman [B] Against ALL enemies, foreign and DOMESTIC | |||
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| No ethanol! |
Why is there a concentration of toxic dump sites in NJ, and a concentration of lawyers in Wash DC? Jersey had first pick.  Present company here excluded of course!!------------------ The plural of anecdote is not data. -Frank Kotsonis | |||
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| Member |
What happens to a lawyer who takes Viagra? He gets taller. "Politics is to Philosophy as Engineering is to Science." | |||
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| More persistent than capable |
What can a Duck do that an Attorney can do but won't? Stick his bill up his ass. Lick the lollipop of mediocrity once and you suck forever. | |||
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| The success of a solution usually depends upon your point of view |
Is there any other kind? “We truly live in a wondrous age of stupid.” - 83v45magna "I think it's important that people understand free speech doesn't mean free from consequences societally or politically or culturally." -Pranjit Kalita, founder and CIO of Birkoa Capital Management | |||
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Res ipsa loquitur |
Question: Do you know why there are so many lawyer jokes? Answer: Because doctors bury their mistakes. I told that in the hospital after listening to countless lawyer jokes. For some reason, I never heard a lawyer joke again. __________________________ | |||
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| Eating, sleeping and boinking. Everything else is just Filler. |
What's the ideal weight of a lawyer????? 3 pounds, including the urn. I love it here! My Gun collection: Too many to list. Lets just say that the zombies should look elsewhere. | |||
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| Member |
Do you know why lawyers wear neckties? They keep the foreskin from sliding up over their faces. | |||
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| Never miss an opportunity to STFU |
Dang, some of these are so old they have dinosaur footprints on them, but I love them. Here’s mine: What happens to lawyer who falls out of a boat in shark infested waters? Nothing, professional courtesy. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a carp? One is a bottom feeder and the other is a fish. Courtesy of my lawyer friends. Ba-da-dump-dump. Never be more than one step away from your sword-Old Greek Wisdom | |||
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| Member |
A doctor and a lawyer are chatting at a party. The doctor says; "Every time I go to one of these things, people keep coming up to me to ask for free medical advice. I don't want to be rude but I don't want to have to provide it either." The lawyer says: "Do what I do, give them the best advice you can and the next morning send them a bill. It really reduces the requests." The doctor says; "Thats's a great idea! I think I'll try it." The next day the doctor gets a bill from the lawyer. | |||
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| Member |
Although it's a bit long, I've always enjoyed this one (there are several variations based on the area of the country). A fella down Louisiana way, Boudreaux got to thinking his injuries from his recent accident were plum awful and decided to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer from up north somewheres was questioning Boudreaux. “Didn’t you tell the State Trooper, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?” “Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the–” “I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted. “Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?” “Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road and–” “Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, the plaintiff told the State Trooper on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.” Well, by this time the Judge was fairly interested in hearing Boudreaux's answer and told the lawyer that he would allow the him to answer in his own way. “Well,” said the Boudreaux, “as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear ol’ Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. After about 20 minutes or so, I don't actually recall as I was hurting real bad and Bessie was moaning something fierce, I heard a siren and knew that help had arrived. The Trooper got out his car and since he heard Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his big ol magnum revolver gun and shot her between the eyes. Oh, your honor, that was the loudest sound. I heard the Trooper walking across the road toward me. His big boots crunching the gravel with every step. He was still holding his big ol magnum revolver in his hand by the shadow he cast. He then turned me over and I was looking up at him when he aid, ‘Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling? Well, your honor, what would you tell him? | |||
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| I believe in the principle of Due Process |
So did the doctor, from the lawyer. Luckily, I have enough willpower to control the driving ambition that rages within me. When you had the votes, we did things your way. Now, we have the votes and you will be doing things our way. This lesson in political reality from Lyndon B. Johnson "Some things are apparent. Where government moves in, community retreats, civil society disintegrates and our ability to control our own destiny atrophies. The result is: families under siege; war in the streets; unapologetic expropriation of property; the precipitous decline of the rule of law; the rapid rise of corruption; the loss of civility and the triumph of deceit. The result is a debased, debauched culture which finds moral depravity entertaining and virtue contemptible." - Justice Janice Rogers Brown | |||
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| Dances With Tornados |
Why are lawyers buried 18 feet deep when they die instead of the normal six feet? Because, deep down, they are really good people. | |||
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Now and Zen |
What do you call 25 lawyers falling from the sky? A round of skeet. ___________________________________________________________________________ "....imitate the action of the Tiger." | |||
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