I don't find either particularly difficult. If one chooses a spouse wisely, the rest falls into place.

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Marriage or parenthood which is tougher?

The simple answer is "It depends on the spouse, and it depends on the child." But of course, it also depends on you and how much you are willing to put into it.

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Marriage can be hard, but a good marriage is well worth the effort. Parenting is hard, but a good marriage makes it easier.

This. If you have a good marriage, parenting is MUCH easier.

Parenting is very hard on a marriage, especially if both spouses work. Most of our arguments, at the core, have something to do with the kids. Marriage is 1,000 times easier without kids.

Parenting is harder if you married well. Of course one kid is easier than 3 so I guess it’s all relative.

Maybe I am just extremely lucky; but I have two grown daughters, and parenting has been nothing but pure joy (at least in my time-sweetened memory). Marriage: a lot of bumps and hurdles; one divorce.

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Originally posted by darthfuster:
For us, children tested the marriage. They moved us from love birds to teammates. That metamorphosis was a struggle as I learned to refine myself. At this end of the tunnel, Mrs DF and I can see our marriage would have been less without the trial of children. For us, one made the other possible and the other made the one powerful.

Darth - nicely stated, and accurate for us too. Now that we are coming to the point where the kids head out, we have more time for each other. Our relationship has always been growing and evolving.

PorterN has it right...and to emphasize...

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But those damned kids don't listen for shit, make messes and don't clean up, they smell weird, touch everything and eat all our food!

For me parenting was a breeze. My daughter was easy to raise.
She actually listened, was respectful of other people, did very well in school and college and wanted to work. She got her first job when she was 16 and has worked since then.
She never got in any kind of trouble (or she never got caught). She insisted on putting herself through college. She made me proud but she was only home for eighteen years.

My wife and I would look at each other and say "are we really sure this is OUR kid"?
We'll be hitting 30 years of marriage next year and for various reasons, it has been more of a challenge and continues to be something to work on all the time

I’ll go with parenthood. Teenagers are plain hell, but mine made it through. Married 35 years, but seems like 10.
Honestly, I think successful marriages are 10% martinis and 90% dumb luck. Successful parenthood is directly proportional to the size of your paddle. YMMV

Anyone here friends with Woody Allen? He has some insight into this I'd bet.

Kids go away spouses don't. However it seems the jobs only change they don't go away

It depends on who is involved. Some spouses are more difficult, some kids are more difficult.

Having children is one of the most rewarding things a person can do. It reprioritizes your life in a key and fundamental manner. I’ve also read that those with children have an easier time dealing with their own mortality, versus those who never had kids. The rewards are immeasurable.

I also believe that marriage is fundamental in domesticating single men into productive, responsible adults.

Both are as hard as you make it.

For me marriage. The stakes are higher as a parent but I love being a dad. My soon to be ex though, she made my life hell for several years. Now that we are getting divorced our relationship has improved greatly, to the point where we have chosen to remain in the same house for another year, but I’m still ready to get it over with and be free of her.

You can pick your wife but you can’t always control how she will change over the course of 20 years. For those of you who made it work my hats off to you.

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Originally posted by MNSIG:
I don't find either particularly difficult. If one chooses a spouse wisely, the rest falls into place.

You may be right, but given how much both my wife and I have changed and grown since we married, I am loathe to attribute my great fortune to my brilliance in choosing a spouse. I think it is more accurate to say I’ve just been darned lucky, luckier than I probably ever deserved. I’ll take it though!

Parenting for sure for me. My wife is not work at all to me.

So far I've avoided both, to no ill effects I can see. And I'm now past the age where I'd even consider kids.

They've (whoever "they" are) have made both significantly harder, riskier, and more expensive for a guy. I don't see either being worth it.

Once you get past the first 20 years they both become easier.

I got lucky with a great wife and a great easy to raise kid. If we had more kids it might have been different, I just don't know. We have a granddaughter that has 3 kids, two of which are 2 year old twins and they are being severely tested. If you asked them which is tougher they would scream parenting!!

Jim

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Originally posted by BBMW:
So far I've avoided both, to no ill effects I can see. And I'm now past the age where I'd even consider kids.

They've (whoever "they" are) have made both significantly harder, riskier, and more expensive for a guy. I don't see either being worth it.

That's because you haven't experienced the right person to be your wife. Once that happens there isn't anything better.

Parenting is tougher. At least that was our experience. Marriage is challenging, but those kids don’t come with an instruction manual.

Fortunately our son turned out ok. He grew up to be a responsible young man, despite his uber liberal politics.

Parenting is far more difficult. My wife and I are best friends. We do everything together and enjoy spending time together.

Our kids have each presented struggles we have been lost on how to deal with. My son is crazy smart, but is stubborn and insists on always doing things his way. He has been way more difficult than we ever imagined. Both my wife and I are natural rule followers. My son is a natural rule breaker.

Our oldest daughter has ADD, severe excema, and struggles in school. She is the sweetest little girl you will ever meet. But she struggles in different ways than our son. School is easy for my son. My daughter, not so much.

Our youngest daughter just turned 1 and is perfect! Haha!

Yes, parenting is far, far more difficult. More difficult than anything I've ever done.