This fall marks the time where my last child is off to college. Now I started life wanting nothing to do with children. They are expensive, but I feel I have been formed beyond what I could have ever achieved without them. I don't understand them when they reach a certain age. I had my last child when I was 44 years old thinking I can't think of a time in the house without them. Well, that time is at hand.

Any advice?

Hopefully you'll have grandkids soon.

I was so happy when our youngest graduated from college and got married. My daughter married a Norwegian so our retirement includes annual trips to the Fjord. My wife struggled with the empty nest thing more than I did. Just remember that she needs you more now than when the kids were around - at least my wife did. We had kids living in the house from 1988 until 2019.

My advice is to take some trips with your wife. At least a couple of nice ones per year. And let her pick at least half the trips.

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A couple of friends are now dealing with this, some better than others.

What seemed to work is once they both retired, they, downsized and moved. Travel became a hobby for both couples, an international trip of some sort, every other year along with a couple of local/domestic trips. By downsizing, there wasn't constant reminders that the household used to be a noisy, busy, chaotic, active home. They cut their Costco membership to the most basic, mainly for gas purchases and took up more hiking and outdoor activities. The local trips they'd explore all the places they couldn't go when the kids were little and as teenagers they'd sneer and gripe. Changed vehicle from a Yukon and 4Runner down to a Crosstrek.

I worry about my kid more now than when I was raising him. Its the times we live in and the fact he lives in one the most violent cities in the country. He is no longer in it, but the nest still does not seem empty to me.
As far as advice, spend time on interests and things you may not have been able to focus on when you were raising kids.

Not recommending my course of action, but I filed divorce papers after the last graduated then entered the military.

The drinking, 18 years of head meds, the boyfriend, took a toll. Now that she went from fantasy land to reality, she doesn’t like it.

If you see me living in the trailer park with 3 guns, you’ll know why. Not sure where this ends up, one does have to crack eggs to make a cake.

Good luck with everything, traveling to see your kids, without smothering, is often worthwhile.

Change the locks.

When our son, our only child, left for college, my wife and I had a really hard time with it for maybe a week. Very sad. Sure, there were some bad moments, but we loved our son, and he was a great one at that (and still is). You spend 18 years raising a child, and living with a really cool person, spending 99% of your days with him, and overnight that person is no longer in the house, it takes some adjusting. We were always a threesome, a strong family unit. But by that time, we made the decision to sell our CA house to move to TX, so that kept us busy for the next 6 month until open house. As far as advice, spend some more time with your child. Otherwise it is different with different parents.

The weirdest part about our empty nest is planning meals. You have to be ready to eat whatever you make for three to four days. You eventually learn to make a smaller portions and started using our vacuum sealer to freeze what we couldn’t eat. Our oldest just started his career and is living home with plans to move out after passing all the industry exams he needs to stay employed. My youngest is finishing her senior year of college and moving onto graduate school as needed by he chosen profession. We’re not sure whether or not she is going to stay at home and be somewhere completely different.

Enjoy the solitude of the empty nest, but cherish the time when they come home. Life seems to be moving at a faster pace then I wish, but I really do enjoy my adult children more than when they were kids. You start to witness the true meaning of your life’s work when your children grow into good people.

quote:

Originally posted by Flash-LB:
Change the locks.

That's hilarious, but good advice!

I love being an empty nester .

If you’re not ready yet…
You can keep them until you are…
It’ll happen eventually.

We've been empty nested for a LONG time and none of our kids ever came back except our middle daughter. Her, her husband and two kids lived with us for 4 months while their house was being built. Love these kids, but good god I was happy to see them leave.

It takes a bit of adjusting, but once into your new routine you'll consider it a new chapter in your life and, as with most I suspect, you'll start to really enjoy it especially if your grown kids live near by so they are not completely out of your life.

Best of luck

We may be insensitive assholes, but when our second left for college our biggest concern was not overtaking him on the way out of the neighborhood as we headed out for a 3-day road trip!

The complete freedom to do whatever you want whenever was a welcome change after 22 years.

quote:

Originally posted by dking271:
The weirdest part about our empty nest is planning meals. You have to be ready to eat whatever you make for three to four days.

Same here too.

Also, the youngest (who's been out for five-ish years), go married and they had a son. They also live five hours away.

Wife is almost a basket case not being able to spend most every weekend with her grandson.

Mine are gone too. It was an experience for sure but I'm happier living life on my terms and not having to be responsible for someone else.
Since starting my new life I've been able to spend as much time on my interests as I want and am not held back by anyone but me.
I travel,
date,
work on USPSA skills and attend regular matches,
hike,
camp,
mountain bike,
race enduro motorcycles,
play guitar,
read,
spend time with friends,
achieve professional accomplishment,
invest or spend however I please,
lift weights and run,
cook fantastic foods,
do home improvement projects,
and enjoy blessed solitude whenever I want.
I am literally never bored and always in a great mood.
You'll miss the familiar for a while but once you are able to embrace the freedoms and opportunity the possibilities are endless.

My advice is to look at it as an opportunity not a loss. Your kids will always be your kids. They'll always need you on overwatch even if they don't know it. And, they are going to be excellent people!

I remember a few times when it struck me as things were taking a permanent change. One was when the youngest went to 1st grade. We no longer had preschoolers or toddlers. Another was when the youngest graduated high school. After that, the next event that seemed like a life changer was the first grandchild being born.

You will miss the kids being in the house, but you will quickly adapt to enjoying a lot of freedom.

We have been empty nesters since 2014. Is was tough when the first one moved out, a bit easier when the second moved out, and hard when the third and final moved out.

They all went to college out of state. It was great that they were at the same university, Wooo Piigggg Sooiieeee! That made it much easier knowing they had their own support group there and we could see all on the same trip.

Now, the oldest is married and living in California, middle still single and close-by in Dallas, youngest, Army Captain, married, and in South Korea.

My wife and I are closer than ever, married 35 years, and enjoy many of the same things.

There are times when we need our space and quiet time from each other and we both recognize that.

The SEC. It just means more.

Hopefully some travel will be in order. Depends where my second son ends up. Its looking like southern California which does not please me at all. I hate the LA area. Have no desire to see Europe. I'd rather go to the south and eat myself silly.

Get an Airedale puppy.