Update:

We're both sitting on the sofa watching TV. She's on her phone, and I ask: "Are you looking up ass washers again?" She says "Yes!"
I roll my eyes, and go about my business watching the show. There is a dramatic pause, and I can tell she wants to say something.
I ask her: "What?"
She says: "When you get mud on your hand, do you use a dry paper towel or do you wash your hands with water?"

She received no response.

She went on a few minutes later and said "Wouldn't it be nice to get totally washed AND dried with no hands touching anything?"

Apparently this bidet seat from Toto has many temperature settings for the water, the drier, the seat warmer, and God knows what else. She looked at me again and just said: "Hands FREE" (rather emphatically.)

I think I'm doomed.

After living in Europe my wife insisted on a bidet being installed in our house when we built it a couple of years ago. If it makes her happy then I am happy and after 49 years of marriage I am OK with about anything.

I have one installed. It's the cheapo under-the-back-side-of-the-seat type. Works fine, however note that with the cheap ones, it's the seals that go bad. I'd say the last three lasted about a year 1/2 each, but then they were the on-sale for $30 super basic models. Main problem is that I don't have a water pressure reducer connected to them, I just T them off the toilet main inlet. This blows out the seals eventually from the too-high water pressure and they start to leak/drip. I don't really care since I get cheap ones that are basically only adjustable on/off (no warm temps or anything), but if I did I'd get a pressure reducer.

As to how they work, they work fine as long as you don't go full blast (without a pressure reducer) as you will give yourself an instant kinda painful enema. What they do best is reduce the amount of toilet paper you use as the toilet paper is mostly to dry with. They are also a godsend when cleaning too-young kids who haven't learned to clean themselves yet.

They are also nice in hot weather to reduce sweaty monkey butt and cool yourself down fast as your ass is connected straight to your core. Cool water in your crack is like an instant cooldown. Also awesome after too much spicy Mexican that is burning on the way out as much as it burned on the way in and even the softest toilet paper feels like 50 grit sandpaper.

Sorry, but my asshole can't be too clean. While I don't invite people near it for testing, if one day the gov't decides they have to check assholes, they are gonna tell me "You have the nicest, cleanest asshole we've checked!"

I have nothing to add except....

Thank you!!

I got a good belly laugh

Well, if it makes the Mrs happy, just install the thing

You’ll have leverage in the future for something you’d like

If you wipe and ones finger goes through the paper I have two thoughts... 1- you like it. 2- you’re used cheap TP. Buck up and get some good stuff

We have a bidet in the new house. I never thought I would use the damn thing. But on those days when my back is hurting, it is really nice not having to reach around to wipe.

I find the Japanese toilet-bidet seats are too narrow for my extra wide American ass.

I thought these were the coolest thing when I was visiting Japan. Back in the eighties.
Talk about pampering your ass.
I see no harm in pleasing your wife, and you’ll have an extra sparkly clean bum, too.
I put a bathroom on my main floor a few years back, and sadly, it never entered my mind to add that feature.
Maybe when it’s time to do the upstairs bath.

Somewhere here I have a slide of me standing in one in Paris in my drawers when I was there at New Years 1973. I was soaking my feet after walking all over Paris with bad boots on. You know those young crazy GI's.

Without going into details, there have been times I've wished for a bidet.

I first used one as a child living in Europe. I have not been without one since. No one else in the family cares for the device. There is only one in the house, so I have to wait for that bathroom to be unoccupied. I particularly like that on those days where you may need endless scraping with paper, this device spritzes you clean, with a minimum amount of wiping. No soreness or discomfort involved.

I hope to install one eventually.

I'm really surprised they're not more common in the U.S.

I hesitate to tell this, but since we are on the subject:
The apartment I lived in in Italy had a bidet. It was situated right across from the toilet. I could sit on the commode while I was doing my thing and put my feet into the bidet. The warm water was fantastic on my tootsies! I still miss it and would love another one.
That was "going in style", my friends!

So it seems like you're going to be splashing your junk with debris from your taint. How is that a good thing?

This thread is making me feel like I need to shower after every BM.

Here is the unit she has her eye on. The price is actually lower than shown, it can be had for $400.

https://www.totousa.com/washlet-c200-elongated

And for those of you with an unlimited disposable income, I present the epitome of toilet luxury: The Toto Neorest 750H. It's a bit out of my price range, (cough,cough!) especially since there are three toilets at my house. Check it out:

https://www.totousa.com/neores...8-gpf-with-actilight

quote:

Originally posted by rusbro:
So it seems like you're going to be splashing your junk with debris from your taint. How is that a good thing?

This thread is making me feel like I need to shower after every BM.

Yeah, and how does this whole hands free thing work anyway? No wiping at all, how does that get you clean? Are we talking 3500 psi spray here? And the drying, how long does that take? Is it like those God damned blow dryers in the public restroom that never get your hands dry and you end up looking for a towel then wiping on your pants anyway? And while we are talking about the blow drying, what happens if you have a "positive" reaction to that gentle warm breeze blowing on your boys? Seems you have a whole other problem on your hands....yep, so many questions.

quote:

Originally posted by Unishot:
Here is the unit she has her eye on. The price is actually lower than shown, it can be had for $400.

https://www.totousa.com/washlet-c200-elongated

And for those of you with an unlimited disposable income, I present the epitome of toilet luxury: The Toto Neorest 750H. It's a bit out of my price range, (cough,cough!) especially since there are three toilets at my house. Check it out:

https://www.totousa.com/neores...8-gpf-with-actilight

Whatever shade of white is on that last one should be renamed "High Cotton".

Yes, I really am too lazy to wipe my own ass.

I’ve had 3 Toto S300e models for years now and couldn’t live without them at this point. You can select seat temp, water temp, dryer temp, angle of attack, water pressure...you name it, all via remote control. They heat the water as it flows so there’s no reservoir to keep warm or run out, and they also have catalytic converters so there’s no odor for the next person using the bathroom to choke on. Personally I think the dryer is a joke unless you’re a take a book to the toilet type, but even that’s adjustable if you choose to use it instead of going the quick blotting route as I do.

I started with one and have them everywhere now. They’re only expensive until they’re one of life’s essentials, at which point they seem totally worth it.

This scene from a short-lived sitcom comes to mind. Andrew Dice Clay & TV wife are house-hunting with snooty realtor and they check out the bathroom, Dice drinks from bidet like it's a fountain. Whenever I see or hear bidet this image pops into my head.

quote:

Originally posted by P210:
Yes, I really am too lazy to wipe my own ass.

I’ve had 3 Toto S300e models for years now and couldn’t live without them at this point. You can select seat temp, water temp, dryer temp, angle of attack, water pressure...you name it, all via remote control. They heat the water as it flows so there’s no reservoir to keep warm or run out, and they also have catalytic converters so there’s no odor for the next person using the bathroom to choke on. Personally I think the dryer is a joke unless you’re a take a book to the toilet type, but even that’s adjustable if you choose to use it instead of going the quick blotting route as I do.

I started with one and have them everywhere now. They’re only expensive until they’re one of life’s essentials, at which point they seem totally worth it.

The newer ones have a panini press built in so you can make a quick snack and kill two birds with one turd.

Do the expensive ones come with seashells?

quote:

Originally posted by P210:
Yes, I really am too lazy to wipe my own ass.

I’ve had 3 Toto S300e models for years now and couldn’t live without them at this point. You can select seat temp, water temp, dryer temp, angle of attack, water pressure...you name it, all via remote control. They heat the water as it flows so there’s no reservoir to keep warm or run out, and they also have catalytic converters so there’s no odor for the next person using the bathroom to choke on. Personally I think the dryer is a joke unless you’re a take a book to the toilet type, but even that’s adjustable if you choose to use it instead of going the quick blotting route as I do.

I started with one and have them everywhere now. They’re only expensive until they’re one of life’s essentials, at which point they seem totally worth it.

Wholeheartedly agree! Rubbing massive amounts of tp on that area can leave me sore on bad days. A gentle cleansing spray is the way to go.
I had a blowdryer model but my patience couldn't wait for the thing to dry me off. I also found that the oscillating is not really a necessity, you can just adjust position a little to get all the area.
Living where we do, the warm seat in winter is by far my wife's favorite part. And a warm stream of water in the morning wakeup sure is nice. If you wanna just dip your toes in the water before committing to serious coin, I bought this model after having one of the 700 jobs and minus the oscillating and blow dryer, does a phenomenal job.
https://smile.amazon.com/gp/pr...ilpage?ie=UTF8&psc=1