quote:

Originally posted by barsad0:
It seems we have a lot of seasoned guys on this forum. My question is, what life advice do you have for the younger guys? Any regrets? And more specifically, any advice for a 30ish year old guy who is about to have a daughter?

My advice, starting out, would be first to let your wife have your daughter. After that we could talk some more.

Don't tiptoe around and be quiet during naps. They need to learn to sleep through noise. This will suck in the short term but be great in the long run.

Spend time with them, as has been said. My son is 11 and we can't have more and we already miss when he was a little guy. You can't go back.

Be a dad, not a friend. she will have plenty of friends, only one dad.

You've received a lot of excellent feedback already.

I would add only one more thing. Beginning at an early age and continuing into adulthood: Teach her to respect herself and expect the same from her friends... especially those of the male persuasion!

Good Luck!
Don

Life goes by. It just does. Time passes by as surely as grains of sand in an hourglass.

One day you will lose a parent. Then a sibling. The other parent. Grandma. Grandpa. Aunts and uncles, cousins.

You'll regret these passings, of course, but life happens, one day at a time.

One day never seems like much, but time marches on and it waits for no one.

You won't realize this and learn from it, of course, early on, some never do, probably most never do.

You'll regret, rue and lament and weep because one day, they're gone. You're left.

My advice to you is to take the time, make the time, before it's too late. Because once death happens,it's too late. Over and done with.

Always love your family, keep them near, if not in person then at least by phone, email, whatever you can do.

And don't let hate consume you.

When opportunity knocks, answer the door.
And never lay down with anyone crazier than you are!

Don’t beat your body up. Replacement parts when available are expensive and of poor quality.

1. Your mission statement as a parent is to raise a self sustaining adult.
2. When my daughter was a teenager she could not get along with my wife. I was at a loss about the best way to help her. I found that as long as I put my arm around her, hugged her, or simply touched her at least once a day that things seemed to work out, every day was a challenge!
3. Time goes so quickly. It's very easy to have regrets about the way we use our time. The reality is, for most of us, we are focused on providing for our family. Don't Lose Yourself and sorrow over the choices you could have made.

Start a college fund early. That way you will have money available to help with tuition. Not saying "pay her way", you make that call. But if money is not available that option is off the table.

Speaking of experts, that Jordan Peterson guy has a lot to say about these things, too. Watch the videos, get the book(s).

Good advice on finances already communicated.

Because of my career, we lived away from family. That’s bad because they do not develop strong relationships with grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins. It’s good because of the bond it created with the four of us (two kids).

We took very few family vacations, but we did lots of things together. Be involved. I coached softball for my daughter and baseball for my son.
Trained in martial arts with my son (daughter didn’t take to it).

Read to your kid(s) every night. Important time together. Essential for success in school and in life. Builds a lifelong desire to read and learn.

Instill in your kids the belief that they can do and be whatever they are willing to work for.

Remember that you and your wife will not agree on child rearing. Perfect. That’s why a two-parent household is important.

Guard your own free time. It’s important. For me, I wish I had spent more time with a musical instrument when I was 30 (or 20, or a teen), some guys would rather work on their golf game or something, but you need to recharge.

Follow up with a couple more (sons/daughters) within the next five years.

Tell her everyday, "no matter what, your daddy loves you". Tell her everyday. She will never be too old to hear this.

Set up a custodial investment account and fund it with blue chip dividend stock/fund and take advantage of dividend re-investment.

Much good advice already. Financially, avoid unnecessary debt and live a little below your means.

Don't let your vices become habits.

Start saving for college right away. And retirement. Savings early add up quickly.

Lots of great advice already. I'll reiterate with two quotes:

"Status: spending money you don't have to impress people you don't know"

"If I'd have known I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself"

I've done pretty well at abiding by both.

My parents were essentially done with parenting when I came along. I made sure to not do to my kids what my parents did to me. If you haven't any feelings of inadequacies in your rearing you feel you need to remedy now, you are fortunate indeed.

Having a wife that treated parenting as the most important thing ever like me was very helpful.

quote:

Originally posted by reflex/deflex 64:
Don’t beat your body up. Replacement parts when available are expensive and of poor quality.

I like this!

Also, take care of your teeth. It's a big deal.

When you’re about to buy something ask yourself if you really need it. Also think about how long you had to work for the money you’re about to part with to judge the true cost. Don’t try to shield your daughter from the world. If something ugly happens and she asks, explain the situation as best you can. It’s better than letting her grow up not knowing that life can be harsh only to be blindsided by a reality she’s completely unprepared for.

quote:

Don’t try to shield your daughter from the world. If something ugly happens and she asks, explain the situation as best you can. It’s better than letting her grow up not knowing that life can be harsh only to be blindsided by a reality she’s completely unprepared for.

To a great degree this is what I was talking about in my earlier post. Giving her tools is one thing. But being afraid to let her blossom is something completely different.

quote:

Originally posted by Pale Horse:

And when people say that they grow up so fast that is true. One day you will be looking at the start of a young woman and wondering where the days of her believing in Santa and Mickey Mouse went. You will hear the theme song to some silly cartoon she used to watch and miss the days when she was so little.

Cherish every single day. Every one of them.

Beautifully said and absolutely true.

quote:

Originally posted by at-home-daddy:

quote:

Originally posted by Pale Horse:

And when people say that they grow up so fast that is true. One day you will be looking at the start of a young woman and wondering where the days of her believing in Santa and Mickey Mouse went. You will hear the theme song to some silly cartoon she used to watch and miss the days when she was so little.

Cherish every single day. Every one of them.

Beautifully said and absolutely true.

Another vote for this one!
I have two grown daughters. Be wide awake that your time with your child-daughters is the most joyous time in your life. Savor it and don't squander it.

Survive the first week.

Raise her to be strong, independent and an indi-bloody-vidual, mate.

Don't blink, you'll miss those moments.
Read to her. Often. Make up funny voices.
Your daughter can help you with your hobbies.
Be the alpha male role model.

One day, she'll be a mom too.