I debated, but thought I’d throw it out here. Believe me, I’ve seriously evaluated over several years. The long term marriage went off the rails starting 6 years ago. I tried a handful of things, ended up totally dysfunctional, affairs, head-meds, excessive drinking, and more.

I’ve dabbled a good bit, was able to project ahead and see things not working out. Just by chance I ended up looking in the Philippines, as others before me.

I know the jokes(LBFM), former Navy, never went there then. I’ve watched plenty of Utube videos on advice.

Yes, my decision more than anyone else, she’s off the charts nice, no kids, never married, knows English. I’ve been there 3 times over the last 9 months. She’s not excessively young either, though there’s an age gap.

When I got divorced, I told myself never again without a prenup. With her, we’ll call ‘Marie’, I don’t even feel the need for a prenup. Just for the heck of it, I asked her a month ago. She said she would sign one without hesitation.

I’ve met her family, sisters, brother, etc, Mom died, Dad long gone. Yes, I know all about ‘marrying the family’. They are all very nice, about as far from Manila as you can get. They have all had zero interest of going to any bar or club.

Anyone else here do something similar, 129F style? I think I’m a little too young to just live here with the dog.

Just make sure she's OEM female.

The only men I currently know that have Phillipine wives are from the Philippines themselves. Sounds like you've done your homework, hopefully there will be some here with experience in that.

I've been married for 34 years and will hopefully not need to worry about it. But if I were single, I'd consider marrying a foreigner. I'm Christian and there are an abundance of Christian women (living outside the US) who cannot find husband's.

Hope it works out well for you.

quote:

Originally posted by Flashlightboy:
Just make sure she's OEM female.

Well past that stage. I will say, there are a fair number of ‘lady-boys’ over there. For some reason, it’s a thing.

You will be expected to send money back to her family monthly. It’s a cultural thing

quote:

Yes, my decision more than anyone else, she’s off the charts nice, no kids, never married, knows English. I’ve been there 3 times over the last 9 months. She’s not excessively young either, though there’s an age gap.

If you've been there 3 times over the last 9 months... you probably already know what you need to know.

I've known a Filipino family pretty well since high school. They are a great family. The Dad came here for medical school in the 1960's and now most of the kids are all doctors too.

My barber married a woman from Vietnam. She is wonderful and they are happy.

She got her barber's license, and now works the second chair in his shop.

Are you expected to go back there and help support her side? Are you expected to be the bread-winner and handle all vehicle/property chores while she handles all food prep & domestic chores? Is her side expected to crash and live with you two, effectively walling-off your side of the family?

Have you both done any trips or, vacations (not PI) where both of you are going to a place you've never been? New experiences can help reveal a person, both good and bad, especially when it comes to overcoming certain phobias and discomforts...how supportive are you of each other, or not.

Do you know the dynamics of Tagalogs, Ilocanos, Pangasinan and the other groups on the PI? Lots of internal cultural hang-ups that as American's we don't understand or pick-up on. For many, that's why many want to leave the PI for the US to get away from such things.

Call me old fashioned but are there not lots of women here.

Might work out but probably not. If you do protect yourself and assets. Don't be stupid. Seeking out women over the net seems like a really bad idea. Especially ones from foreign countries.

No kids and never married and "not exactly young" in the Philippines is not exactly typical. Usually there is a reason, so if you don't know the reason you should try to find it. This applies to all women everywhere though.

Otherwise, keep in mind that if her goal was to meet an American and move here, then she is going to be doing whatever she needs to achieve that goal - behaving well, pre-nup, etc. Many pre-nups are invalidated in divorce, so making sure it is done right and iron clad is in your best interest.

Also, jealousy is very common in Philippine women (and Vietnamese, and other Asians), and many will tell you that up front. In general, east and southeast asians view jealousy as a sign of "love", and not a negative emotion that seeks to control the partner. In my own personal experience, irrational jealousy and frequent accusations that go along with it kill a relationship.

I've been around American Caucasian women my entire life, I'd say I have a rudimentary or neophyte understanding of them. I've met a few Asian women and it appears there is much more going on if I entered a relationship with one.

It's a toss-up wherever you go.

I've heard plenty of horror stories. What is it you're looking for anyway? "true love" for each of you may have different meanings. "True love" for her may mean a way to improve her life, a source of money and support for her family, a way to get permanent residence and eventually US citizenship. That's really close to the best scenario as you can get.

Worse case scenario, she bleeds you dry. She has a husband and kids she's hiding from you. You say no kids but do you know Philippines is predominantly a Catholic country where abortion is frowned upon? When she gets her US citizenship, she divorces you and files to get her husband and children here while living off half of your social security. If you decide to move to the Philippines, you build a house that includes her family. You're treating for everybody. And when the house is built and you're bled dry, they kick you out of the house you build. I'm not making this up. These are the real stories I heard.

You've gotta ask yourself a question: "Do I feel lucky?" Well, do ya, punk?

(Sorry, had to throw in that Eastwood quote.) But the question is sincere: how lucky have you been and what are the chances you'll break that streak?

Where would you rather be 20 years from now? The same as you are now? Or possibly in a worse condition emotionally and financially? I'm not saying true love is impossible but it correlates with how old you are, the larger the age gap between you two, and how many relationships you've had to date that weren't a success.

Good luck.

I’m still evaluating everything. As to the travel part, one is rather limited with only a Philippines passport. It’s not easy to come anywhere near the USA. It’s a Visa thing.

We’ve done Manila and her province area.

Here’s another thing, I don’t care if there’s a bit of practicality on either side. Can be involved with someone here also, betterment. Besides her, I watch how her sisters are, brother too.

Yes, I know about potentially helping the family. I know a guy from MI, ahead of me by 5 years or so. He told me he’s helped in a few areas. With that in mind, say one was talking about a modest amount per month, AND the financial awareness was such to accommodate that? Under those criteria, could be ok.

Can’t be stereotyping with tales from the 1960’s about Asian ladies. That said, a few of the old truths are still evident, at least before anyone becomes ‘westernized’.

quote:

Originally posted by pbslinger:
I've been around American Caucasian women my entire life, I'd say I have a rudimentary or neophyte understanding of them. I've met a few Asian women and it appears there is much more going on if I entered a relationship with one.

There are significant cultural differences between Americans and Asians. However, I would say the Philippines are the most "westernized" in east and southeast asia, and there is some similarity to Latin America due to the Spanish and Catholic influence.

This thread is useless without pictures!

I'm just kidding. I really have nothing to add, but want to wish you good luck. Marriages were arranged for many years in many cultures, so the idea of marrying someone that you didn't just meet organically and fell in love is not a new one.

I’m confident she is not married, and has no kids.

I don’t think I’d get scalped with an iron clad prenup. I also don’t feel the need, but if I wanted to be safe.

I could hook up with a 55 y/o, and her adult kids. I don’t think that’s any better, at all.

I sincerely hope you finally find the woman you'll happily spend the rest of your life with. The Philippino nurses I used to work with years ago are some of the nicest people.

quote:

I don’t think I’d get scalped with an iron clad prenup. I also don’t feel the need, but if I wanted to be safe.

I am sure there are tens of thousands of guys who would say. That sounds like me. How dumb I was.

I get it that there comes a time where we sort of feel like tossing caution aside and just go with it. .
Again, sometimes it works. Most of time that philosophy is a disaster.

A dog is a great asset. A woman, especially one that you really do not know well. Not so much.

Are you going to live there? This YouTube video implies if you marry there and live there you have legal obligations to support other family.

YouTube video: Supporting a Filipinas family? It’s actually the law!

Australian friend of mine went this route late last year. He'd been talking with her since before the lockdown nonsense and had been over there a couple times to meet her and the family. He's over the moon. A lot of the process he went through was specific to Australian immigration, but if you have any specific questions about the cultural stuff, I'd be happy to ask him for you. He's still very much in the honeymoon phase and not online a hell of a lot since then, but I can ask.

He has remarked that it was shocking how traditional her values are compared to what western norms have become. He's not in line with what current Australian politics would have us think of Aussies, and I suspect he'd fit in pretty well here, so I take his feedback as a pretty solid endorsement of mindset compatibility. I forget the details, but his situation with her was similar enough to what you're talking: She wanted out and didn't have family obligations that impeded this, so she's coming to him instead of vice versa.