I was at Sam's Club with the wife and boy. Since he's autistic we try our best to help him live normally. So we have him make a shopping list and he buys his own groceries. We got to the giant boxes of cereal and he wanted Mini Wheats. He grabbed a torn box so I asked him to grab a different box. He grabbed a different torn box. I told him "No, bud. You have to get a box that isn't torn or open or crushed". He kind of shut down, not knowing what to do, just staring at the boxes. So I grabbed one and placed it in his cart. It bothered him for a few minutes and then he seemed fine.

Later that day we were taking groceries to my mom. We got in the elevator at her building and he looks at me and says, "Sorry, father. Sorry I didn't work with my brain."

"What's that, pal?", I asked not being sure what he was talking about.

"My brain, it just doesn't work right."

My God, my heart broke so hard. He was apologizing to me for being autistic. I was holding back tears.

He was agonizing all that time over not being able to choose a box of cereal that would please me. Did he come to some realization? Did he for the first time feel inadequate? I know I did right there. I wish I could just see or feel what's going on in his mind. I never wanted him to feel like he was broken and I let that happen. Ugh.

He sounds like a fine young man who has a loving and caring dad.

God bless him Mark. And you too.

My eyes watered up a bit.
Your son has as much love coming out of him as you have for him. Big time love both ways!
Thanks for sharing, makes me feel great!

quote:

Originally posted by mark123:

My God, my heart broke so hard. He was apologizing to me for being autistic. I was holding back tears.

I don't think I could've held them back...

quote:

He was agonizing all that time over not being able to choose a box of cereal that would please me. Did he come to some realization? Did he for the first time feel inadequate? I know I did right there. I wish I could just see or feel what's going on in his mind. I never wanted him to feel like he was broken and I let that happen.

My heart breaks right with yours. It makes me want to grab him, hug him, and tell him it will be ok. I bet you felt the same way, and I'm guessing that isn't very comfortable for him to experience.

I don't know how you do it. But I wish to encourage you, in whatever way possible...that you're doing good.

It is so very different of a situation, but my son (born with a club foot, which has been in constant correction since birth) falls a lot. I get frustrated when he falls and breaks stuff. Just the other day I noticed a new gouge in the wall of the stairway. He fell again, and whatever toy he was carrying caused damage to the wall. I was angry and frustrated with him and I snapped a bit about him being more careful and watching his steps. He in similar fashion apologized for his foot to me. He said that it just tucks under sometimes and trips him. My heart broke. I've been frustrated with him over this multiple times, and he has broken a lot of stuff with his falling. Every time I was angry and frustrated, even if I didn't say anything...he was picking up on it. He was internalizing that as his fault. I wanted to punch myself in the face. I deserved to be punched in the face. Instead I simply held him and cried. Being a parent can be hard. It's not for the faint of heart. You are doing a good job.

quote:

I never wanted him to feel like he was broken

You didn't.

My deepest empathy, mark123.

You are doing a good job. The worst situation is when an autistic child is born to parents who are not as understanding and caring as you are. I am curious as to how he doing with the kidney issues, and wish you the best with your lawn business.

quote:

Originally posted by old rugged cross:
God bless him Mark. And you too.

Exactly this.

quote:

Originally posted by Balzé Halzé:

quote:

Originally posted by mark123:

My God, my heart broke so hard. He was apologizing to me for being autistic. I was holding back tears.

I don't think I could've held them back...

nope. I can't just reading it. Thank you for sharing this. It's been a tough day with my kids, and I needed a double dose of empathy for what my kids think and feel... You're an amazing man, Mark.

He knows that you love him.

I would go to the Life Extension Foundation and do a search. I have read that low vitamin D3 levels have been found and other nutritional supplements such as Omega 3's have been helpful.

http://www.lifeextension.com/S...category=[Magazines]

You are a great dad, with a great son!

He is not broken, but like all loving parents, you are trying to help him live in a world that is. Hug him, encourage him, enjoy him.

God knows...

My best friend since Jr. High got remarried a dozen or so years ago and had two more kids, both with Autism plus the youngest has some health problems. I would have had no real idea what you are dealing with without having some experience watching my best buddy persevere.

Judging from what you wrote here, I can't imagine you being a better parent or person, Mark. He's lucky to have you for a Dad.

All I can think to say is he knows, you know, and you love each other, nothing else. Glad you two had time together. Some never have that.

He's so fortunate to have a father with a heart as big as yours.

quote:

Originally posted by rackrack:
He's so fortunate to have a father with a heart as big as yours.

Amen.

A couple that we know in the village have twin autistic girls, now ten years old, a doubly-unusual coincidence. There is no doubt that their house is as filled with love as yours is.

tac

YOu are a good parent, keep it up. Your son is lucky to have somebody who cares.

I say this as a teacher.