A close friend of mine is going through an incredibly difficult time. Her husband has been diagnosed with a rare dementia-like disease. He’s in his mid-40s, unable to work, sometimes gets lost even in their neighborhood, and occasionally lashes out at their kids, saying terrible things. A classic Alzheimer’s-type symptom.

He’s on Medicare, but that’s the only state support they receive. She works full-time to support the family and has been told they qualify for a PCA (personal care assistant), but she’s hesitant to pursue that. I think the constant stress is making it hard for her to process or make decisions.

His family is pressuring her to have him evaluated to see if he should continue living at home. She doesn’t necessarily disagree but is terrified about what happens if he’s recommended for a care facility—how would they pay for it?

Their finances are already strained, partly due to decisions her husband made before his diagnosis and then add the cost of maintaining everything now. They have two young daughters at home; so she wants to care for him and potentially get him into a facility without completely destroying their finances. She’s reached out to an attorney to figure out her options, but her is quoting her nearly $8k to speak to her.

To complicate things, his family has the resources to help, but there’s a deep rift between them and my her, so that’s not an avenue she feels she can count on

Any advice, resources, or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated.

They’re located in Minnesota if that’s relevant to anything you may be thinking.

Horrible situation. Nothing I can really do to help, other than send best wishes and offer a prayer.

8K to consult with her? Disbar the lawyer!

I would start with a state social office. If not clear where that is, hospitals usually have an office to help with assistance.

I’d start with some research. I’ve never been on any type of assistance, but there seems to be a handful of programs around.

I would start by asking the professionals that are involved with his care.
Is there a caseworker assigned by medicaid?

Contact your congressional rep. THey have folks to deal with similar sitiuations. Medicaid will pay for assisted living IF you meet income guidelines

I’m not sure Medicare is state; I would check into the state program-Medicaid-Minnesota Care.

A start

Yes, make a phone call to 5he state social services office. Probably Medicaid, and if that isn't 5he right person, they will forward her to the correct person.

The state Medicaid people here are very helpful and knowledgeable. Hopefully her state is equally so.

Depending on the details, his parents may need to create a 3rd Party Special Needs Trust if they want to help. Just gifting money can disqualify him from government assistance.

She could also try talking to the benefits person at her work to see what kind of coverage she might have there.

As far gone as he sounds, a locked facility may be the thing he needs. Medicaid may be the right answer there. She does need qualified legal advice before too long. It really should not cost more than a couple hours consultation at first.

Good Morning.

We went through this with my paternal grandfather and maternal grandmother.

It is a very troubling, emotional, and stressful situation. Even when we put both parties in a medical facility, it was still very stressful.

((It was hard watching my grandfather, a man who was attached to a special radar/reconnainsance unit during the isalnd hopping campaigns of WW2, waste away to nothing. Along with my grandmother who was ten feet tall and bullet proof and could make you gain 10lbs just looking at her german chocolate cake.))

If you have not reviewed/read the Alzheimer Association website, it can extremely helpful and give guidance on various issues and topics.


https://www.alz.org/help-
support/caregiving/financial-legal-planning/paying-for-care


Alzheimers.gov is another good site.

https://www.alzheimers.gov/lif.../find-local-services

Definately need to consult a lawyer!!! and she what her options are. They will medically bankrupt her. Divorce may not be an option but I would expect my wife to do so to protect the family

quote:

Originally posted by Ronin101:
Definately need to consult a lawyer!!! and she what her options are. They will medically bankrupt her. Divorce may not be an option but I would expect my wife to do so to protect the family

She is considering it. For no other reason than to separate her finances. A core concern is that he is not capable of being a willing participant.