Originally Posted By: TomYoung
..having the car fall off the jackstand, starting the car by accident when the oil is drained...
I have the heavy plastic ramps from Wallies. I scare myself to death every time I drive up on them. Also, one of these days, as I get older, I can see myself starting the car with everything drained. Here's an old favorite from web site (edited for brevity). Woman changing oil - drive up to Jiffy Lube, sit and relax. Pay $30. Man changing the oil - (1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00 (2) Stop by liquor store and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00, drive home. (3) Open a beer and drink it. (4) Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. Jack car up. (6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it. (7) Place drain pan under engine. (8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench. (9) Give up and use crescent wrench. (10) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on face and arms in process. Cuss. (11) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil. (12) Have another beer while watching oil drain. (13) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench. (15) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. (22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface. (23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. (24) Remember drain plug from step 11. (25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. (26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard along with drain plug. (28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas. (29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill. (30) Drink beer. (31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame. (32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31. (33) Begin cussing fit. (34) Throw stupid crescent wrench. (36) Beer. (37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow. (38) Beer. (40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil. (42) Lower car from jack stands. (43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil. (44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43. (45) Beer. (46) Test drive car. (47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence. (48) Car gets impounded. (49) Call loving wife, make bail. (50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard. Money Spent Parts: $50.00 DUI: $2500.00 Impound fee: $75.00 Bail: $1500.00 Beer: $40.00 Total: $4165.00 -- But you know the job was done right!

full disclosure, I've done all of that except the jail and bail part.

Wasting motor oil, I've done once. 5 quarts of Mobile one directly into my shops drain, and no, I wasn't drinking, just getting old. Separately though I have had a DWI when I was much younger.

quote:

Woman changing oil - drive up to Jiffy Lube, sit and relax. Pay $30

You forgot the part where JL put the wrong oil filter on and oil light comes on 3 blocks later because all the is on the ground in a tral behind the car. The little woman thinks the oil light is not a big problem for now and tries to drive home and burns up the engine. $6500 dollars later. This happened to someone I know.

My last change just 2,500 miles back I didn't unscrew the little threaded plug in the center of my drain pan/bottle, untill the dirty oil was flowing over the sides.. . Sure glad it wasn't my black top.

Why the "joke" in the thread title? I thought this sequence was SOP. BTW. you forgot driving a screwdriver through the sides of the old oil filter in order to get it off, cross-threading the drain plug, then rounding it with the crescent wrench, and having to go to the vise-grips.

There have been times when I thought the jack stands tipping over, and being crushed by the car would have been preferable.

At least few have had the happy experience like that of an ex-co-worker's husband who dropped a tiny screw down the carburetor of his prized Trans-Am. That car never moved again the whole time I knew them.

quote:

Originally posted by David Lee:
My last change just 2,500 miles back I didn't unscrew the little threaded plug in the center of my drain pan/bottle, untill the dirty oil was flowing over the sides.. . Sure glad it wasn't my black top.

I've done the same. Also took out the ATF plug instead of the oil. That I blamed on vision problems

This isn't accurate at all. There's not enough cussing.

The jiffy lube part is inaccurate. Woman at JL gets new air filter and cabin filter. Gets charged $80 for synthetic. Doesn’t actually get new filters installed. Drain plug drops out 100 feet away.

"(22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface."

This is where I cackled like a hyena. A universal truth which underscores the validity of the story.

So many memories come rushing back from those days. I have hired this done for a while now but considering starting back doing my own changes again.

Yes, to many steps in that original post. My ‘ramps’ aren’t real ramps, but a staggered set of 2x6”s to get a few inches off the ground.

It’s not all about saving $10, I’m usually done before I could drive to any oil change shop. The drain nut is on just the way I like it, not to tight or loose.

My elderly Mom usually does a change at the shop. One always has to check quantity once you get home, seems they like to short a tad.

Long time ago my buddy and I went to change the oil in his grand daddy's pickup truck.... added 5 quarts after draining the transmission....

You skipped the part where you didn’t notice the oil filter gasket stuck to engine mount, and you screwed the new one on over that.

If you’ve never done this - you’ll need more kitty litter.

quote:

Originally posted by Georgeair:
You skipped the part where you didn’t notice the oil filter gasket stuck to engine mount, and you screwed the new one on over that.

If you’ve never done this - you’ll need more kitty litter.

Was going to post just that. A fine spray of oil all over my childhood driveway since you're probably moving the car (since you KNOW you did it right) and it sprays a much larger area before you realize it.

Took a lot more than kitty litter and my Dad wandered out every half hour or so to see how far along in the clean up I was.

When I was young, probably about 23 I had to change the universal in my car. I could fit under it in the slanted parking lot, but when I disconnected the driveshaft, the car rolled enough to pin me. I had to yell for help, luckily it was downtown, so escape was not far away.

A lot of these things have happened to me (not all at once) over the years. It only takes a split second of inattention to start a cascade fail, which could very well ruin your engine.

quote:

Originally posted by Jelly:

quote:

Woman changing oil - drive up to Jiffy Lube, sit and relax. Pay $30

You forgot the part where JL put the wrong oil filter on and oil light comes on 3 blocks later because all the is on the ground in a tral behind the car. The little woman thinks the oil light is not a big problem for now and tries to drive home and burns up the engine. $6500 dollars later. This happened to someone I know.

Good lord. quick lubes like that are notorious for incompetence and shady dealing. And don't send a woman to do a man's job, it may cost you. Not PC correct but reality bites. When it comes to cars, fluids, and dash lights, our poor women get it wrong almost every time.

quote:

Originally posted by architect:
Why the "joke" in the thread title? I thought this sequence was SOP. BTW. you forgot driving a screwdriver through the sides of the old oil filter in order to get it off, cross-threading the drain plug, then rounding it with the crescent wrench, and having to go to the vise-grips.
SOP... HA!!! Yea I've done the screwdriver and hammer thing too. When I was younger and moved faster w/out rechecking so much, I failed to install the drain plug before dumping 5 or 6 qts of fresh oil down the driveway. That's embarrasing and expensive. It took me a couple times with that circus before wising up. Slow learner.

There have been times when I thought the jack stands tipping over, and being crushed by the car would have been preferable.

At least few have had the happy experience like that of an ex-co-worker's husband who dropped a tiny screw down the carburetor of his prized Trans-Am. That car never moved again the whole time I knew them.

SOP... HA !! Very accurate. When I was youger I forgot to reinstall the drain plug more than once before wising up. 6 qts of premium motor oil in the driveway was embarrasing and expensive. Same thing with oil filter. Ooops.