How much ( if any ) veto power do you have regarding the grand kids?

Without straining, jeopardizing ,complicating all the relationships involved.

Do you wait for someone to seek your wisdom?
Do you dare offer your perspective with out solicitation ?

Can you ,have you put your foot down ?

Of the four grandparents I know,

Two can strongly stringently require their wishes.
Two just barely speak their opinions and then only when approached by someone.

One refuses to attend the 8 y.o. football games because of c.t.e.
One goes to the football games but worries constantly.

Two just go and don't worry about what they can not control

Having children and grandparents, but without being a grandparent I’ll answer from my perspective.

My mom has lost years with me for trying to put her foot down. Any advice or suggestions should be presented as such, anything more is quite disrespectful.

Try “putting you foot down” with my kids as any relation except the other parent and ya ass gonna find the door real quick.

Did you allow people to tell you what to do with your kids?

The only caveat I’ll make is if the kids were in some sort of immediate danger.

This honestly feels like a silly question to me, it’s that ridiculous an idea. Someone who isn’t my child’s parent putting their foot down? That’ll be the day.

ETA: None of this is directed at you Bendable, just answering your question.

When the grandkids are staying at my place, they follow my rules. Other than that, parents do the parenting.

quote:

Originally posted by Pyker:
When the grandkids are staying at my place, they follow my rules. Other than that, parents do the parenting.

^^^ This. My oldest grandson, his wife and two boys stayed with us for a bit over 3 months while house-hunting.

I did my best to be as tolerant and non-judgmental as I possibly could, but on a few occasions when their laid-back parenting allowed the boys to get (IMHO) totally out of control, I put a stop to it.

It doesn't seem to have damaged our relationship. Of course when visiting THEIR house, I keep my mouth shut and paste a smile on my face. Their house, their kids, their rules. Or lack thereof...

I am very fortunate to have the best in-laws possible and I am not kidding when I say that.
The only time they have/get VETO power is at their house or if it pertains to something they have decided to pay for or fund.

Thankfully enough, I can’t really think of anytime our thoughts/ideas have run differently from each other.
If there was something we would certainly be able to have a conversation about their reservations.

quote:

Originally posted by Pyker:
When the grandkids are staying at my place, they follow my rules. Other than that, parents do the parenting.

Well Said Pyker

And both sets of parents are aware of this in our case. Having six grandkids between two sons coming from two very different style home up bringing atmosphere’s, we respect the parents base values and rules BUT we rule our home when they are with us - PERIOD - or they go home (which has happened a few times over the years).

As for events - We go and enjoy the event as spectators knowing that with their mom and/or dad there, they are in charge. If we are the guardian at the event, everyone follows our rules…..

And we have the greatest six grandkids in the world IMO - and I would do anything for any one of them - anything…..

I will say that in time I realize we as grand parents may have to evolve on some issues being that today all six are UNDER the age of 9 years young so I am sure more challenging situations will be forthcoming that we will manage as they occur…..

Someone tell me what c.t.e. means.

quote:

Originally posted by Pyker:
When the grandkids are staying at my place, they follow my rules. Other than that, parents do the parenting.

That sums it up for me. I don't interfere.

quote:

Originally posted by mark123:
Someone tell me what c.t.e. means.

Thanks for asking Mark as I also wanted to know….

Chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE)

quote:

Originally posted by Patriot:
Chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE)

Thanks. Is that really an issue in 8 years old football??

quote:

Originally posted by Patriot:
Chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE)

Still confusing. I love my grandkids, but thank God they don't live with me.

^^^ CTE is brain injury from repeated blows to the head.

Our grandkids are long distance. We see them as often as possible. We are trained as almost perfect parents. We’ve learned from all the mistakes we made. We feel our kids deserve right to do the same.
So we supply unconditional love, and without favorites. Advice and support freely given as needed.
I will say there were hurt feelings when the internet had more pull than Nana’s personal experience.

When something comes up on a post like c.t.e. that I don't know, Google is my friend. I always try to avoid feeling like the only dumbass. It works most of the time including this one.

Nothing is more unwelcome than unwanted advice. We 9 have grandkids and spend a lot of time with them but we do not give advice unless it is requested. My Mom, and Mrs Greener's Mom, felt entitled to give unwanted advice or even orders and a lot of conflict arose from us telling them to butt the %$#@ out. You can't insert yourself between grandkids and their parents unless it is a matter of imminent child safety.

Can't protect the children from their parents

quote:

Originally posted by bendable:
One refuses to attend the 8 y.o. football games because of c.t.e.
One goes to the football games but worries constantly.

Two just go and don't worry about what they can not control

2 need to stop watching so much TV. Probably all 4, but 2 have rotted their brains.

quote:

^^^ CTE is brain injury from repeated blows to the head.

I should be suffering from this, but I'm not! I can think of many, many times when my Mom used to smack me behind/beside the head when I misbehaved (almost daily)! LOL

While the smacking was hard enough to get my attention, no serious, lasting effects were brought on! So much for being brought up in a Franco family!!

Ii asked because I have no children.
I only knew one grandma until I was 15.

C.t.e has been an issue for more than 20 years.
Presumed it was common knowledge.
Dopey me.

Just like any malady it may effect 12 different people 7 different ways

It might show symptoms in high school or not till retirement.


There is hours of information on the WWW.

My two sisters and a brother had three very different "relationships"
with my mom and Dad as grandparents.

quote:

Originally posted by Gene Hillman:
When something comes up on a post like c.t.e. that I don't know, Google is my friend. I always try to avoid feeling like the only dumbass. It works most of the time including this one.

Thanks. I had no idea I could look up things on Google. Is this a new development?