I have neighbor friends that are a family of competitive shooters. They have about 4 houses nearby. Dad was an army lifer, shooter and coach, both sons and a grandson compete in long range standing and prone.

The two sons are very different, the older tall and lanky and very responsible. He got a college scholarship on a shooting team. The younger one doesn't look or act like his older brother. Moderate height and a body builder, he's much more colorful than his older brother.

Their father died in the last few years and their mother couldn't live alone so she's moved to assisted living. As part of them sorting out everything the older brother found an account book of what was spent bailing out the younger son over the years. Two divorces, setting a farmer's field on fire shooting something flammable to impress his cousin, probably a few legal defenses.

It represents the honesty and lack of embarrassment that the less responsible son would even tell me this, but today he told me the total of the money his dad had spent on him. This isn't stuff like food and clothes, but putting out fires. He said he would have thought it added up to about $100K. The total? Over $700K!

Ouch! Should have let the younger one bail himself out. My FIL has bailed out my BIL so many times...literally money pissed down the drain. BIL is a perpetual hopeless drunk. You have to cut them off and allow them to grow up.

Little shit would've been on his own about $5000 into that.

In my world, you get one get out of jail free card. If you don't learn from that, toughski shitski.

quote:

Originally posted by jcsabolt2:
Ouch! Should have let the younger one bail himself out. My FIL has bailed out my BIL so many times...literally money pissed down the drain. BIL is a perpetual hopeless drunk. You have to cut them off and allow them to grow up.

I always feel the most practical about everyone else's kids too.


Thankfully mine are still all under 10. I'm guessing it's harder to live it when they're your own, blood or no.

quote:

Originally posted by Veeper:

quote:

Originally posted by jcsabolt2:
Ouch! Should have let the younger one bail himself out. My FIL has bailed out my BIL so many times...literally money pissed down the drain. BIL is a perpetual hopeless drunk. You have to cut them off and allow them to grow up.

I always feel the most practical about everyone else's kids too.


Thankfully mine are still all under 10. I'm guessing it's harder to live it when they're your own, blood or no.

It's also our job as parents, unfortunately. Not all ice cream and balloons.

My mom told us at a young age, "You have more time, than I have money".

I have told this a few times to my oldest one.

He knows if he gets in trouble, he is on his own.

quote:

Originally posted by jcsabolt2:
Ouch! Should have let the younger one bail himself out. My FIL has bailed out my BIL so many times...literally money pissed down the drain. BIL is a perpetual hopeless drunk. You have to cut them off and allow them to grow up.

This, in spades.

My brother is a retired cop. Many years ago now his oldest daughter got into some really silly stuff and he kept bailing her out.

She headed south to Salt Lake City, reason unknown. Anywho she ended up in SLC jail.

The cops there called my brother as a courtesy.

He decided it was time to let her experience what was coming if she didn't get her act together.

Asked the SLC cops if they could "unofficially" hold her in jail for 3 days. They did so, which gave her time to think about her actions.

Straightened her right out. She went back to school, got a job, got married to a very fine young man and now has a really good life and great family.

Don't know how much my brother spent on bailing her ass out of trouble, but it was not a small amount. Sometimes the harsh answer is to make those kids face ALL the costs of their actions.

Sometimes that cost has to include the sadness involved in making kids face the music they created.