Not me ,
29 y.o. Selby, this about tears me up.

he just took his plumbers test in Iowa and passed.

he takes his illinois plumbing test in January.

his drivers license being reissued was dependent on staying sober until February.

this is the 4th relapse in five years.

meetings ,twice a week for 6 months, seemed to be working.

he walked in to thanksgiving lunch with the friends and every single person had booze in front of them , he walked out to resist the big trigger.

then at midnight he walked two miles for a 24 pack.

Nicest kid , polite, hard worker ( when he can),
but this has him pinned down.

I keep telling my self NOt to worry about stuff that I can not control.

He is in to his grandma for about $60,000 , for legal fee's, court costs, fines, classes etc.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: bendable,

Sounds like Grandma needs to stop writing him checks.
She's just trying to help but she isn't helping.

We've a friend with a daughter like Selby. Been in rehab programs several times. Now, for months and months she's been on a very restrictive program that involves frequent urinalysis and a bunch of other stuff. Saw her, recently. Attractive girl. She hasn't looked this good in years.

I strongly suspect that, if history is any guide, she'll go straight downhill, again, as soon as the "chains" come off I also know her mother will struggle mightily to keep her afloat despite her constant attempts to destroy herself.

Except, next time she runs afoul of the law while on drugs or alcohol, it'll be off to the jailhouse for her and they won't be giving her another chance.

Alcoholism is a fucker.
You do fine for a few days then out of the blue you get the craving for a drink so you talk yourself out of it and decide to continue on with your day. Then like on autopilot or in a trance you find yourself leaving the liquor store with a bottle. You then swear just a couple swigs or shots and the next thing you know it's the next day and your sick as hell with an empty bottle.

I’m sorry you have to deal with this. It’s a nightmare, killed my Mom, my Dad. Almost my sister.until they’re ready, there’s absolutely NOTHING you can do. Prayers sent

Alcoholism is a chronic disease. Very treatable but lifelong. Relapses are common. It is back to AA meetings, getting a sponsor and working the program. As long as the person is alive there is hope. It is more difficult for younger people. I have seen people with 20 rehabs finally get sober. Encourage and support but do not enable. Easier said than done. One of out ten people who drink become problem drinkers.

So he drank. He's an alcoholic, they seem to do that even when doing so carries a ton of consequence.

Is he going to suffer legal repercussions? For example, is he on probation until February 2020 and subject to mandatory urinalysis that will show he drank again? If so he's probably screwed.

Or is he suffering the other consequences of an alcoholic relapse, for example, being so physically ill for a protracted time that he misses work and looses a job?

These are the types of events that bring alcoholics to sobriety.

But they all involve him, and not you Bendable.

That is the real Hell. There is literally nothing, and I mean N-O-T-H-I-N-G you or anyone else can say or do to make the alcoholic stop drinking and adopt the spiritual lifestyle necessary to stay sober.

So Bendable my friend, worry less about him and more about you. If you think the experience of others might be helpful, you can try Alanon.

I know a few people who found answers there.

For example, I knew a bloke who I'll call Fred (not his real name). Fred's wife was an acute alcoholic. She drank all day long, staying very drunk almost 24/7. She even started essentially whoring for booze. Then one night she was in a condo on the 30th floor of a high rise complex. The guy who owned it picked her up at a bar and was clearly hoping for sex. While he was in the kitchen, she fell to her death off the balcony. No one knows why she fell, whether it was a true accident or she deliberately jumped, but she fell all 30 stories. If you've never seen a body that fell from a great height, they are unrecognizable bags of flesh, bone fragments, and bodily fluids. Fred was emotionally destroyed by it, loosing interest in all the things that once brought him joy.. It took him three years or attending Alanon and working their approach to dealing with alcoholism to recover.

If Alanon helped him, it might be able to help you.

Check your email for a personal message from me.

quote:

Originally posted by pwelch001:
until they’re ready, there’s absolutely NOTHING you can do. Prayers sent

Truth. He’s gonna have to hit his rock bottom. But, he’s gonna have to care enough about something to pull himself out of it and never drink again. The depth of the bottom is different for everyone.

Former son in law with this affliction, like Sig 2340 says nothing you can do. They have to figure it out on their own and unfortunately, sometimes that takes hitting rock bottom.

In my former son in laws case it took divorce, a second failed marriage and finally his parent stopping the bail outs and making him deal with his life.

Often times friends and family want sobriety more for the alcoholic than the alcoholic does. Sobriety is possible for those that have hit bottom and want it, not for those that others think need it.

He’s gonna have to decide he’s done drinking....

You have no say in that equation.....

It’s like crackheads...they gotta hit rock bottom and consciously decide to stop...until then your breath is wasted

Sorry to hear that. There really is nothing you can do but be there when they are ready to say enough is enough.

Once an addict, all it takes is that one drink or drug and you're right back to where you left off, within days. It's very sad, but nothing will make an alcoholic stop, except themselves.

Been 31 yrs for me. years of counseling, meetings, working the steps,2 rehabs; all went out the window on November 11;;when I drove 20 miles out of town to an AA meeting, participated in the discussion ,then drove into their town and bought a 6 pack. drank and drugged 'til dawn and when I awoke the next morning reality hit me and I realized "I" am responsible for me.

I have an Uncle with a similar issue

he drinks, still,
even after loosing his license for 10+ yrs, and a couple short stints in Jail for drinking/driving related offenses,

fortunately he never had an accident, but even now, he still drinks,

he has finally realized that when he pops a beer (as far as I know, he has limited himself to beer) he stays put,
no more have a 6 pk while headed out, the drink and drive all over town,

Yeah, I had an Uncle that drank himself to death.

Was never a mean or angry drunk, just a drunk.

Even stints in the hospital, etc.

I struggled with alcoholism for many years, but its not my opinion that its as dire as commonly held, nor do I consider it a 'disease'.

Definitely not trying to downplay the power addiction has - nor the consequences. My personal experience had not been easy nor something I'd want to do again, but I don't count the days / months / years clean and never was inclined to.

A lot of people have success going the AA / Al-Anon route & those groups are a good resource.

I worked for a person who had a cocaine addiction whose mom was losing her condo because she was paying for his townhouse while all his money went to booze, coke & women. I went to church with his mom, she was very torn up by his choices, but she was his main enabler. Sad.

its as if they don't either see the damage they do to themselves, let alone what it does too those around them

Recently, there was a thread in the lounge section discussing what the true definition of an alcoholic was.

Going by the definition of that thread I personally though 70% of the state of Wisconsin can be considered one.

My wife and I don't drink. But, Alcohol affects all of us. My family went last night to Lambeau Field after the Packer-Redskin game to clean up the stadium.

Driving to the stadium we almost got in a head on accident with a drunk lady going to wrong way down a 4 lane street.

After getting the stadium I spent the next four hours hauling trash cans full of beer refuse up and down the aisles. My back still hurts. The average price of a beer at a Packer game is $10.00.

At the end of the night I smelled like a combination of popcorn, beer, nacho cheese and rock salt.

I was having a fun time thinking of what somebody could buy with all the money made off beer sales on one game.

For myself, the best course of action is to just wash my hands of them.
I simply don't care anymore what happens to them. It's really not worth the drama and certainly not worth my money.

I've been dragged down that road more than a few times. And it was my fault for letting that happen.
No longer do I chain myself to that burning wagon that's going over a cliff. One way or the other it's going over the side and I'm not going to be a part of it.

They are not looking for a solution and you just end up supporting the problem.