The town drunk is sitting at his favorite stool at the end of the bar, slurping the fourth or fifth of his mid-afternoon beer ration. About halfway down the bar, an attractive, well dressed young woman is sitting, sipping a glass of Chablis.

A stranger walks into the bar, looks around, takes a stool next to the young woman, and orders a drink. After taking the first sip, he turns to the woman and says, “Tickle your ass with a feather?”

The woman stares at him and asks, “WHAT did you say?”

The guy answers, “It’s particularly nice weather.”

“Oh, yes, it certainly is,” says the woman,

The drunk at the end of the bar has been listening, and he quietly cracks up, thinking that’s the funniest thing he has heard this month. He decides that he should do this, so he memorizes the routine.

A few beers later, the drunk watches as another woman comes into the bar, takes a seat not far from the drunk, and orders a drink. The drunk moves to the bar stool next to her, looks at her, and proceeds to pull the same stunt that he had seen earlier, saying to the woman “Stick a feather up your ass.”

The woman looks at him and asks, “WHAT did you say?”

The drunk searches his memory for the second line, and says “It’s fucking nice out.”

Thank you sir, I was due a good laugh.

An old couple are sitting on a park bench when the wife smacks her husband with her purse. “Ow, what was that for”?
That’s for 40 tears of the worst sex any woman ever had to endure says the woman. The husband goes back to his newspaper when suddenly he jabs his wife in the ribs with his cane.
“Ouch, why did you do that” she asks.
That’s for knowing the difference says the husband.

Every time I read this it gets more funny

Oh my God, that's funny.