April 21, 2023, 01:51 PM
Slippery PeteBuried my Brother last month, 40 years Old.
I've struggled with whether or not to put this up. Don't want sympathy or scrutiny. I think of this as a tribute. Matt was a Forward Observer in the Army, 1 year Germany/Bosnia, 1 year Iraq. Got out after 3. Struggled after that pretty bad. Lots of booze, drugs, self destructive behavior. On and on. He was probably the closest person to me on this earth going back to kids. 2 years younger than me, and a tough son of a bitch so more like a peer.
Got a call 3/10 late that he had shot himself in the head. He would always screw around with loaded or unloaded guns. Pointing them at himself and joking about ending it and stuff. Fought with him on that for 20 years. Not funny. It went wrong this time.
He was up drinking with his roommate and GF, in response to banter and stuff picked up the gun and said "or I could just end it," like he'd done so many times before. Shot through the corner of his eye/ nose bridge and exited by his ear. 9mm. Popped the left eye out of the socket and severed the nerve. Was life flighted to the hospital, coded on the helo, and got a room at John Peter Smith in Ft Worth.
They kept him alive. Brain scans basically said his front left lobe was destroyed, right was badly damaged, and other damage going into the rear parts. Left side of his body would move, nothing from the right. Docs did not have a positive outlook for him. My mom has a non profit that helps with brain treatment for combat vets. Her brain docs independently verified what those docs were saying which was helpful to us. It's hard to trust in a situation like that. He would move, and squeeze hands, grab etc. We concluded for sure Matt wouldn't want to live like they all said he would have to. If you knew him there was no question. I think he wanted out of this life anyway but wouldn't do it himself. Instead he lived walking the line a lot of times, like riding his motorcycle 160 mph in sandals and shorts and no helmet. Stuff like that.
We decided to pull the machines and give him a chance to donate organs. Which means he has to expire in 90 mins after they pull it. So we went into an OR where he was laid out like a cross on a table and left to expire. We were allowed to talk to him and stuff. Stubborn ass didn't go. That was an ominous, surreal, and an incredibly difficult scene. I kept telling him it's ok to go, no more logging into work, etc.
He passed 2 days later. Docs can't give him a "hot shot" on purpose but they can massage it. We wanted them to. He loved pain pills, what better way to go than too much Dilaudid, Morphine wasn't doing it.
Matt was a big part of my Mom's non profit, Defenders of Freedom and was being groomed to take it over someday possibly. He connected with tons of vets and their families. There were a TON of people that came to the hospital and viewing/ funeral. They only gave 1.5 hours to talk about Matt, and there was a line of people that didn't get to speak.
He had a rough last 5-6 years but had recently completed brain treatment and was doing pretty good. He went through it with Hamody Jasim (The Terrorist Whisperer), and they talk about him on Kyle Carpenters podcast the day after it happened. Hamody thought he intentionally shot himself at the time, we do not believe that to be true now.
He was too stubborn to ever ask for help. Wouldn't go to the VA, wouldn't get help from my Ma, on and on. Finally decided to try the brain clinic. Got a new job, moved in with a high school buddy, had been taking Jui Jitsu for a couple years, on and on. Was doing well.
Matt was a big kid, and so many of the family's there had kids Matt connected with. Many of them were devastated. Many in general were, myself included. Our family has been spared major tragedy like this in the past. I think it's a relief for Matt, and I get peace from that. I always pictured being run down in the woods somewhere by a govt terminator drone or something and they'd have a fight on their hands cause he'd be next to me.
I loved him deeper than anything, like I imagine a twin feels. And he was not easy to love, much less be around. We fought like cats and dogs even as adults. About 5 years ago I decided that was enough and started doing the opposite of what I wanted to. I started hugging him and telling him I loved him. And he would say it back. Not an easy thing for us but once it was said one time it changed everything and disarmed all the bullshit. I had no unfinished business with him and we both knew where we stood, always did.
He was buried 3/30 at DFW National Cemetery. Got himself a Patriot Guard Rider escort which we consider a high honor.
Sorry for the long one, but this one's for Matt. My brother.
Here's the video of him from brain treatment.
Here's his celebration of life video. Matt was a character and so were his friends. Some good and true stories. My mom does the eulogy and it's pretty funny. His Army buddies are funny too.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/aut8...rvices%204K.mov?dl=0
Got him a Mosin for Xmas 1 year
Matt and Roxy. She was his main friend until he buried her Thanksgiving of 19.
Love you and I'll miss you Matt.
