Thought this might be fun. A few examples would be:Wow you sure are eating a lot. Is Billy still in jail? etc.

Mom, did you thaw this turkey in the toilet again?

Sweat pants? Already given in?

So... I loose track, what number husband is this?

Are you expecting?

Does your new therapist seem to be helping?

You can always say something nice. Even if it's

"You don't sweat much for a fat girl".

"Spread those legs so I can get at the good stuff!"

This food sucks.

Here’s your seat; it’s rated for 300 pounds.

“You know I’ve gone vegan”……

Wow, I'm glad I only went on that one date with your sister.

How do I cook the frozen turkey in the microwave on Wednesday night?

Thank goodness it's just my wife, daughter and I having Thanksgiving dinner together this year. I don't have to worry about avoiding politics, religion or any other subject (unless it's my teenage daughter's interest in boys) as we see eye-to-eye on most everything.

I guess I'm lucky, we are heading to a friend's house for Thanksgiving, everyone there are "like-minded" individuals (regarding those things that matter...) So, it will be an evening of good food and good conversation.

No LEE-Bore-Als in attendance.

To all the Sigforum members, have a Happy Thanksgiving.

As you walk into the hosts house, just yell out, "HEY!! What smells like crap?!?".

quote:

{On Thanksgiving Thursday} Where can I get an accurate digital thermometer?

Build a time machine and go back to Monday. Since it's Monday, there is still time to buy a quality, accurate thermometer that will arrive before TG. Here are a few:

Instant read - I highly recommend ThermoWorks Thermapen. It's extremely fast, extremely accurate, and extremely rugged. In 2012, I tried to cheap out and bought Amazon's best reviewed $20 instant read digital thermometer and it lasted about 7 months. I replaced it with the Thermapen and not only is it faster and more accurate, but I'm still using it. All I've had to do is keep it clean and periodically swap batteries.

Leave in - I use the Thermoworks Smoke for both my BGE and my oven. It has a wireless transmitter with a long range and I can check temps or receive temp alarms across the street.

Bargain Instant Read - Thermoworks ThermoPop is $21. It's a 3 to 4 second read and plus/minus 2 deg F.

Bargain Leave In - ThermaPen DOT is $45. 4' high temp probe cable. Pure simplicity with 2 displays - current temp and alarm temp.

quote:

I'm using my cookbook from 25 years ago and don't care if several years ago USDA research lead to a revised 165 deg safe cooking temperature for turkey.

That is a paraphrase, and I was a guest so I tried to share the new information in a polite manner when the turkey was at 165 and dinner was on time. Dinner was an hour late and the entire hour was spent making bone dry 180 degree internal temp turkey.

quote:

I don't own a thermometer and trust the pop-up thermometer in the turkey

The free pop-up thermometer is notoriously inaccurate and often results in dry turkey. Think of it as a device that says it's safe to eat, but doesn't give a shit if it tastes like 30 year old shoe leather.

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Ego is the anesthesia that deadens the pain of stupidity

DISCLAIMER: These are the author's own personal views and do not represent the views of the author's employer.

"Is anything worth eatin' this year?"

Old Turkey:

Around Thanksgiving a few years ago, radio commentator Paul Harvey shared a true story of a woman and her frozen Thanksgiving turkey.


The Butterball Turkey Company set up a telephone hotline to answer consumer questions about preparing holiday turkeys. One woman called to inquire about cooking a turkey that had been in the bottom of her freezer for 23 years. That's right—23 years. The Butterball representative told her the turkey would probably be safe to eat if the freezer had been kept below zero for the entire 23 years. But the Butterball representative warned her that even if the turkey was safe to eat, the flavor would probably have deteriorated to such a degree that she would not recommend eating it.


The caller replied, "That's what I thought. We'll give the turkey to our church."

What's that unusual flavoring in your turkey?

How come the toilet is not flushing?

Are you out on bond?

When did the tether get removed?