quote:

Originally posted by smschulz:
Well, Smudge that is some pretty dark shit there.

I am glad you started to turn the corner and from your eloquent dissertation it seems that you pretty much hit rock bottom and had no choice but to change.

It might be interesting to hear how you got to the point you did and why you made the decisions you did to go so far off path?

Love to hear a success story and while it may help someone else - your tales really benefit yourself mostly by being honest with yourself.
I think a lot of people who publicly air their laundry just want someone to feel sorry for them and I hope this is not the case with you - I don't think so and wish you continued success.

Keep it up.

While to a sane person it reads like I didn't have a choice, the truth is I did, and it was a harder decision to quit than to not. I don't know how to relate that in a way that anyone who isn't an alcoholic or addict can understand. We're wired... differently.

As for your question, I was an alcoholic from the first time I felt an effect from it. Many are. It was euphoric and amazing, and I wanted to feel that way forever, and so I did every chance I had from then on. As far as decisions, a normal person understands that they always have a decision in everything they do, but for me and most alcoholics, the only decisions you really get to make along the way are what you're willing to sacrifice to get that next buzz. Every sacrifice makes the next one easier, and by degrees, everything you ever thought you were, everything you ever thought you would be, all the things you swore you'd never do or say, it all goes away and you slowly become someone so vile in thought and action that you settle into a hole. You're already in the hole, and there's no climbing out, so you dig deeper. Then some smiling asshole jumps in the hole with you, you look at him like he's insane for getting down in there with you, and he says "hey, I know the way out, lemme show you." I guess that's me now.

The last thing I want is anyone to feel sorry for me. I spent far too long feeling sorry for myself and I don't do that anymore, so I'd prefer others don't for me, either. It makes me uncomfortable. No, this is to speak to those who haven't made the step to ask for help yet, and show them there's no shame on the other side. It's to wave to the others who have gone before me and say thanks for being part of a thing that saved my life. Since being addicted to any substance means you can't legally fill out a 4473 without lying, there's a lot of people in the firearms community who have what seems like an extra unforgiving attitude towards it, and so this is also an attempt to try to raise a flag and say that there's brothers and sisters in this community who are good people who just need help with a mental illness they truly didn't choose to have. We are numerous and we are mostly silent about it. If you haven't been there, it's easy to look at it as a lack of morals, or poor character, lack of will power, self control, and so on. Nobody who gets as far down that path as I did ever woke up one day as a child and said to themselves "when I grow up, I want to be a fat, sweaty, stinking, trembling drunk who's so far gone that my family is waiting for me to die and people won't make eye contact with me in public!" Thankfully, there's nothing to feel sorry for there, because none of those things which used to be my reality are the case today.

To everyone else counting days, be it many thousands or just today, I'm grateful I'm in good company with you.

Congratulations!! I wish I could say the same.

Congratulation on your milestone Ed ... ! And I am glad to have met and broke bread with you. Hope our paths cross again someday.

quote:

If you read this and you agree that I should be in prison or have no rights, or you wish some general or specific ill on myself or other alcoholics

Absolutely not. My hats off to you. You recognized a problem and you did the work to fix it.

I'm glad you are doing well. I wish you all the best and hope you continue to do well.

Kevin

The chains of habit are most often too light to be felt,until the time comes when they are too strong to be broken.

My addiction has not affected others like booze does.

But it's affect on me has cost me greatly.

Every time I get through another week, it's a blessing.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: bendable,

Congrats P220 Smudge. Your post is very likely to help someone else. Count me in the group that is willing to help someone if they think they might have a problem. Last drink was over 12,000 days ago.

Great post and congrats on your days of sobriety. Bill W, countless others and I are proud of your turn around.

A good friend of mine's little sister is in rehab for alcohol for the 4th time. She's 37 and has a 6 year old son. If she doesn't quit after this rehab I give her 12-18 months at best. Congrats on your success.

Everyone follows their own path.

You saved your own life.

No one can do this for you other than you.

I have one friend and one acquaintance drink themselves to death it was not pretty.

Good luck with your future.

You worked for it and deserve it.

Good on you! I think it takes a lot of personal courage to put yourself out there by writing that, and it shows a genuine compassion for your fellow humans who might be shy about seeking help. Thanks for sharing with all of us. Have a blessed Christmas!

I'm re-watching the first few seasons of House of Cards before watching the last season, which I never caught.

Watching an episode from the first season there was a scene in which the character of Doug Stamper, Congressman Underwood's chief-of-staff/ political consultant/ dirty tricks operator attends his AA meeting, and the talk he gives reminded me of your battle with alcohol and this thread.

To be sure, the character of Doug Stamper is a total douche for several low down dirty tricks and crimes he orchestrated and participated in, including intentionally sabotaging the recent sobriety of the very congressman he was sponsoring in AA, for political gain... but, this scene still struck me as powerful and honest, and reminded me of this discussion.



https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-Ctdd7WzoGE

I'm not an alcoholic... but, in my younger days I partied plenty, and had my share of waking up and not knowing where I was or what happened the night before. I once attended a bachelor party on a Sunday afternoon and woke up the next morning in a farm field, seated in a folding patio chair... that was plopped right smack down in a campfire ring that was still smoldering. My brand new flight jacket had puke running down the front of it and the bottoms of my sneakers had melted in the embers of the campfire. It took me a few minutes to process why, when I came to, there were cows staring at me a few yards away.

A week after that binge I found myself in the hospital for an (unrelated) infection but, while running my blood work, the doctor gets the results and came into my hospital room and had a serious talk with me about my elevated liver enzymes, and how I needed to cut back on my drinking.

I still have alcohol in the house, but rarely drink now, so I'm not a drunk... but, years ago, there were weeks/ months when I probably could've been one, if I tried just a little harder.

There, but for the grace of God, go I.

Years ago, I also had a friend who checked herself into a 30 day alcohol program, and she was only allowed to have 2 designated visitors while she was in. Her young daughter made sense, but I was surprised she chose me as the other visitor, over her husband or other friends, in part because we had partied so much together. Still, I visited her once while she was in, although I had no idea what to say or do, and felt totally inadequate in that situation.

P220 Smudge, I know it doesn't mean anything coming from a guy you never met, but I just wanted to wish you a Happy New Year...and wish you continued success with your battle in the new year.

You got a lot of people on the forum, me included, that both appreciate the strength it takes for you to share your battle while helping other members with theirs, and I appreciate your participation on the forum!

quote:

I.

Years ago, I also had a friend who checked herself into a 30 day alcohol program, and she was only allowed to have 2 designated visitors while she was in. Her young daughter made sense, but I was surprised she chose me as the other visitor, over her husband or other friends, in part because we had partied so much together. Still, I visited her once while she was in, although I had no idea what to say or do, and felt totally inadequate in that situation.

Just your presence being there gave her strength. Actions speak louder than words many times.

Congratulations on a significant event. You have accomplished something that many have not, and your life will be better for it.

flashguy

Congrats on 1000 days. I have not had a drink in 11,570 days...one day at a time. Continue on the path you are on...trust God, clean house, help others....and your life will surely continue to change.

Congratulations Man. So happy you were able to make it through.