Thank you for sharing these - several had me laughing out loud. Just recently became a grand parent for the first time and all these "opportunities" have resurfaced after almost 40 years. Great Friday AM laugh!!
___________________________________________ The annual soothsayers and fortunetellers conference has been canceled due to unforeseen circumstances.
Posts: 1994 | Location: Southern California | Registered: January 16, 2003
------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Yidn, shreibt un fershreibt"
"The Nazis entered this war under the rather childish delusion that they were going to bomb everyone else, and nobody was going to bomb them. At Rotterdam, London, Warsaw and half a hundred other places, they put their rather naive theory into operation. They sowed the wind, and now they are going to reap the whirlwind." -Bomber Harris
Posts: 16149 | Location: Ivorydale | Registered: January 21, 2005
I would like to add that a shot of whiskey added to the baby bottle of milk will help the little tyke sleep at night. That was told to me by an alky many years ago.
Posts: 5370 | Location: basement | Registered: April 06, 2007
I must be a great parent, I got 90% right, smack in the butter zone for an A!
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Mistake not my current state of joshing gentle peevishness for the awesome and terrible majesty of the towering seas of ire that are themselves the milquetoast shallows fringing my vast oceans of wrath.
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Posts: 2118 | Location: T-town in the 253 | Registered: January 16, 2013
This business will get out of control. It will get out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it. -Rear Admiral (Lower Half) Joshua Painter Played by Senator Fred Thompson
Posts: 3694 | Location: Central Virginia | Registered: November 06, 2006
Originally posted by egregore: My niece had a baby a year ago. I thought about sending those to her, but she doesn't share my twisted sense of humor, so I didn't.
I think you owe it to her. Believe me, the kid will thank you when it grows up. You may be saving its life!
-------------------------- Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. -- H L Mencken
I always prefer reality when I can figure out what it is. -- JALLEN 10/18/18
Posts: 9437 | Location: Illinois farm country | Registered: November 15, 2008
_________________________________________________________________________ “A man’s treatment of a dog is no indication of the man’s nature, but his treatment of a cat is. It is the crucial test. None but the humane treat a cat well.” -- Mark Twain, 1902
Posts: 9393 | Location: Northern Virginia | Registered: November 04, 2005
Reminds me of when my wife and I took the new parent / baby class. You take it and you got something for free or something or another I can't remember.
The instructor I don't think cared for men all that much to begin with. All she really wanted was to do was push breast feeding and cloth diapers to save the earth and whatnot.
We had to retrieve a baby doll (piled up in a 55 gallon metal trash by the door can mind you) at the beginning of the class.
During the cloth diaper part after we put the diaper on the instructor told us to check and make sure the diaper was on securely. So I grabbed the baby doll by the head and shook it up and down to see if the diaper would stay on. The instructor lady flipped the f out. Like veins popping out of her head ballistic about baby shaking at me in from of this room full of people. When I finally was able to get a word in I calmly told her "lady, its a doll and this is practice. When I get in the real game I know you don't shake babies. If we were playing for real then you really ought to be questioning who threw this little bastard in that trash can over there to begin with."
