From friends with to much time on their hands, signs that missed proof reading.

*Did I read that sign right?*
"TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW."

*In a Laundromat:*
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT
GOES OUT.

*In a London department store:*
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS...

*In an office:*
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR
FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.

*In an office:*
AFTER TEA BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE
DRAINING BOARD.

Outside a second-hand shop:*
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR
WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

*Notice in health food shop window:*
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS.

*Spotted in a safari park:*
ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR.

*Seen during a conference:*
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR.

*Notice in a farmer's field:*
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

*Message on a leaflet:*
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS.

*On a repair shop door:*
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK.)

Remember the old Jay Leno bit where he read stupid headlines from various newspaper articles. Here's some he'd probably have used...

*Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife And Daughter*

*Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says*

*Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers*

*Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over*

*Miners Refuse to Work after Death*

*Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant*

*War Dims Hope for Peace*

*If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last awhile*

*Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures*

*Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide*

*Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges*

*Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge*

*New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group*

*Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft*

*Kids Make Nutritious Snacks*

*Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half*

*Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors*
Boy, are they tall!

*Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead*

Long-haired freaky people need not apply.....

I remember one:

"She was shot in the cul-de-sac and the bullet is in her yet."


And the classic:


"You help your Uncle Jack off his horse" versus "You help your uncle jack off his horse

"throw momma from the train a kiss"

flashguy

I look out the window and this poor bastard is trying to shoot this swarm of birds wearing his bathrobe

quote:

Originally posted by Sig2340:
"She was shot in the cul-de-sac and the bullet is in her yet."

I must have missed that day in Anatomy Class. Where is the Yet?

Posted on entrance door of a national pet store locally=== something to the effect of === clients please keep your owners on a leash . ...........drill sgt.