We have a Christmas tradition, my wife and I. We put up our Christmas tree on a Sunday early in December. While we do this, we have one of two things playing in the background.

First is those sappy Hallmark Christmas movies. I'm a movie snob but I also recognize that formulaic, predictable movies can be enjoyed. For instance, mystery stories follow a familiar pattern, as do B-grade Westerns of a certain era. Just because you know that in the end, good will surely triumph over evil, enjoyment can still be had in the journey.

Yeah, all of that, plus I get to riff on these movies. The woman is always a former CEO who decided what she really wants to do is run a candle shop, or some female-centric nonsense. Pretty people, pleasant surroundings. Soooo much to be explored via running commentary.

This year, though, I didn't care for what was playing on Hallmark at the time. I felt that the characters were shallow and uncompelling.

The other background ambience is Christmas music. This, also, offers much opportunity for ball-hanging commentary and important questions, such as what in the name of Good King Wenceslas is Justin Bieber doing singing Christmas songs.

So, the music is playing, the wife and I are decorating the tree, the cat is blissful with open boxes on the floor. Domestic tranquility.

And as he does every Christmas, here comes Burl Ives singing his classic rendition of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and I thought it might be fun to give the wife a modern interpretation of the story; how Rudolph was marginalized to cis-gendered society. They him err her, they, whatever, poor Rudolph was not allowed to participate in normal extracurricular activities of all the other young reindeer. Shunned because of his looks, an outcast. Society had no need for Rudolph until...oh, now you want me! Now you need me, huh? Why should I risk my life for my oppressors, demon males of the rape culture patriarchy! You sons o' bitches!!

Yeah, that's as far as I got before the wife told me (sarcastically) what a wonderful Christmas story it was.

She would really been unhappy if I'd gotten to finish. Rudolph refuses to labor for the old white owner of the frozen plantation, lets Christmas fail so that all the rich little kids of all the rich umm patriarchists get to taste the bitter disappointment of life. Then, Rudolph disappears into the snow and comes back later with a pack of rabid reindeer to lay waste to the North Pole.

I would've made the reindeer army zombies instead of rabid, except it would have been less believable.

quote:

Why should I risk my life for my oppressors, demon males of the rape culture patriarchy! You sons o' bitches!!

Yep, there went the keyboard...

I have to clean my keyboard and screen too!

Thanks Para!

Mike

Sounds like Rudolph and the Rabid Reindeer identified as Wolverines.

Quite fantastic Para. I appreciate hearing I'm not the only one that can enjoy a Hallmark Christmas movie.

One also has to love the idea of Rudolph the Rabid Reindeer.

I laugh at the hallmark movies part. It's the same plot all year round except the Christmas stories are set during Christmas.

My wife knows the plots but she still enjoys the movies. I pass the time trying to recognize the actors and what other shows they may have come from or went to, wondering if they "made it."

I always like the Raging Rudolph video clip.

Here.

And the sequel.

My wife has her favorite Hallmark movies recorded on the DVR. Likely one will be playing later this afternoon.
The radio in the bedroom is playing the Christmas songs station at the moment and the TV in the other room is playing the other Christmas songs channel.

A festive atmosphere here.

Didn't Burl Ives do the voice of the Abominable snow man? In the Christmas movie he seems a jolly fellow compared to a actual yeti.

quote:

Originally posted by 229DAK:
I always like the Raging Rudolph video clip.

Here.

And the sequel.

My indoor tree traditionally goes up on my birthday, 21 Dec. My parents instituted that policy when I was a small child as an effort to make my birthday something special. All through my service in USAF I continued to follow the principle and knew that my "home" family was doing the same. It was as if we were doing it together, although separated, and it warded off homesickness.

My parents and sister re all dead now and I have ho local family, but I continue to put my tree up on my birthday. It stays up until Epiphany.

Now, the outdoor lights begin to go up right after Thanksgiving, but progress is dependent on when my Handyman is available to help. I haven't done ladders for many years and after my hospitalization and rehab I'm getting around with a cane, so I'm not as much help this year as in the past. We've got maybe 95% of them up now and should finish on my birthday. When they're all in place I'll post some photos.

Regarding Rudolph, I'm not really a fan -- he's OK but I don't have to watch it a lot. My clock is set now to chime Christmas carols on the hour (6 different ones) and I'll probably try to have some carols playing when I put up my indoor tree. Until last year I only had the tree with its imbedded lights, but last year I actually decorated it with ornaments. (I have 4 cats and they mess with the dangling ornaments.) I'll probably spend the days before Christmas putting ornaments on it this year. (It really looked good last year.)
DEC_4976 by David Casteel, on Flickr

(The clock on the left is the one that chimes tunes on the hour.)

flashguy

quote:

Originally posted by parabellum:
The woman is always a former CEO who decided what she really wants to do is run a candle shop, or some female-centric nonsense. Pretty people, pleasant surroundings. Soooo much to be explored via running commentary.

Spot on. No matter how obviously this movie repeats itself I'm subjected to them annually via the wife who apparently can't see what's happening. She's hypnotized by them, like a cat chasing a laser pointer.

Candle shop


Your wife seems like a good sport, complimenting your Rudolph story and all. We have a similar situation going on in this house.

My wife (big Hallmark fan) has a picture she hangs up at Christmas time. It shows a "tradional" 1950's housewife dressed in a big puffy skirt saying in a rather cynical manner, "I just want my life to be a Hallmark Christmas movie. Is that too much to ask?"

Para, sounds like my life. We just finished our umteenth Hallmark movie after playing Christmas music all afternoon. There is some great Christmas tracks on Spotify. We have about 2,000 light between the front and back of our place and will spend time decorating our golf cart for the annual parade tomorrow night. Lots of holiday activities in our old folks community.

It’s a wonderful life!
Mike

Subscribed to Philo last night, just for the Hallmark Channel. Mrs. Cooker was thrilled. I mean she was genuinely excited and happy. She can’t wait for our Christmas Eve guests so she can turn on the Christmas cheer.

Just to let you know, Hallmark isn’t the only channel running 24/7 Christmas movies. A new upstart called Great American Channel (GAC), formerly Great American Music Channel, has been coming on strong.

GAC was started up by the guy who started Hallmark, but he was kicked out when certain groups started to complain too much.

Manyof the old-time Hallmark actors/actresses bolted over to it when Hallmark went too “diverse, inclusive, and equity” oriented under its new management.

And don’t even get me started about the “Lifetime Channel”.

The Hallmark channel and the Lifetime channel are the reason we have two TVs at our house. Lord love a duck!
Rod

I don’t decorate for Christmas…..nor for most other holidays. Not because I don’t celebrate Christmas in my heart and mind. It’s because my dad was Clark W Griswold and left the Christmas lights up all year for decades. My friends used to poke fun at me because of it. The lights were up so long that the paint was gone on all but the lower curvature of the bulbs. As bulbs burned out, he’d replace them with new. So random bulbs would have color. It was awful for a kid that loved not being harassed by the neighborhood kids.

So, I never got into it. Mrs DF does it. My part is dragging the fake tree up from storage and putting it all away afterwards.

I can set up a favorite channel list on my TV remote and scroll through my choices.
Hallmark, and Lifetime did not make the cut. Among many others. I hope to live long enough to be able to order just the channels I actually watch.

Jack Johnson's version of the song has a great twist in the last stanzas:

Well Rudolph he didn't go for that
He said "I see through your silly games"
How could you look me in the face
When only yesterday you called me names?

Well all of the other reindeers man
Well they sure did feel ashamed
"Rudolph you know we're sorry
We're truly gonna try to change"