Morris' wife Rachel came home early and found Morris in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. Rachel was upset. "You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a Get (Jewish divorce) right away!"
Morris replied, "Hang on just a minute Rachel so at least I can tell you what happened."
"Fine, go ahead," she sobbed,"but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"
And Morris began -- "Vell, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she vas very thin, not well dressed and very dirty.
"She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days. So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the potato latkes I made for you last night, the food you vouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on veight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.
"Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.
"Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer outfit that I gave you a few years ago, but won't wear, because you say it’s too tight. I also gave her the sexy underwear that vas your anniversary present, which you don't wear because you said I have lousy taste.
"I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Chanukah that you don't wear, just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has the same pair."
Morris took a quick breath and continued - "She vas so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'Please, mister, do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'"
הרחפת שלי מלאה בצלופחים
January 22, 2020, 10:56 PM
sigmonkey
Nu! And I suppose her name was, Mitzvah?
"the meaning of life, is to give life meaning" ✡ Ani Yehudi אני יהודי Le'olam lo shuv לעולם לא שוב!
January 22, 2020, 10:59 PM
MikeinNC
Ha
"Violence, naked force, has settled more issues in history than has any other factor.” Robert A. Heinlein
“You may beat me, but you will never win.” sigmonkey-2020
“A single round of buckshot to the torso almost always results in an immediate change of behavior.” Chris Baker
January 22, 2020, 11:54 PM
old rugged cross
I laughed
"Practice like you want to play in the game"
January 23, 2020, 12:55 AM
GWbiker
oy vey.
********* "Some people are alive today because it's against the law to kill them".
January 23, 2020, 06:48 AM
ragman
Thanks for the morning laugh.
" I didn't fail the test,I just found 100 ways to do it wrong." - Benjamin Franklin
January 23, 2020, 06:58 AM
Fed161
That was funny. From a Jewish friend of mine: Q. How do you get a Jewish nymphomaniac to stop having sex? A. Marry her.
January 23, 2020, 07:08 AM
kz1000
Q: What does a Jewish wife do with her asshole every morning?
A: Sends him off to work.This message has been edited. Last edited by: kz1000,
------------------------------------------------------------------------ "Yidn, shreibt un fershreibt"
"The Nazis entered this war under the rather childish delusion that they were going to bomb everyone else, and nobody was going to bomb them. At Rotterdam, London, Warsaw and half a hundred other places, they put their rather naive theory into operation. They sowed the wind, and now they are going to reap the whirlwind." -Bomber Harris
January 23, 2020, 07:16 AM
Poppi
Buddy Hackett's voice was in my head as I read that!
January 23, 2020, 07:22 AM
blueye
The shiksa I married likes to kvetch alot, need to show her this joke.
January 23, 2020, 08:24 AM
Elk Hunter
Thanx for the early morning belly laugh!!!!
Elk
There has never been an occasion where a people gave up their weapons in the interest of peace that didn't end in their massacre. (Louis L'Amour)
"To compel a man to furnish contributions of money for the propagation of opinions which he disbelieves and abhors, is sinful and tyrannical. " -Thomas Jefferson
"America is great because she is good. If America ceases to be good, America will cease to be great." Alexis de Tocqueville
FBHO!!!
The Idaho Elk Hunter
January 23, 2020, 08:31 AM
h2oys
Sounds like your joke could have come from the Amazon Prime series "The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel"!
Thanks for my morning laugh.
January 23, 2020, 09:24 AM
molachi
That was good. Thanks for the laugh.
January 23, 2020, 09:34 AM
c1steve
Va that was great.
-c1steve
January 23, 2020, 10:07 AM
V-Tail
quote:
Originally posted by h2oys:
Sounds like your joke could have come from the Amazon Prime series "The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel"!
I have never seen that. I do not watch TV for entertainment any more, ever since I lost most of my hearing. It's just too much work, trying to understand dialog, even with my hearing aids.
הרחפת שלי מלאה בצלופחים
January 23, 2020, 10:12 AM
h2oys
quote:
Originally posted by V-Tail:
quote:
Originally posted by h2oys:
Sounds like your joke could have come from the Amazon Prime series "The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel"!
I have never seen that. I do not watch TV for entertainment any more, ever since I lost most of my hearing. It's just too much work, trying to understand dialog, even with my hearing aids.
I knew you had a hearing issue but did not realize it was that bad. Sorry! If you want to give it a try, my gut tells me you would love the program.
Sounds like your joke could have come from the Amazon Prime series "The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel"!
I have never seen that. I do not watch TV for entertainment any more, ever since I lost most of my hearing. It's just too much work, trying to understand dialog, even with my hearing aids.
I knew you had a hearing issue but did not realize it was that bad. Sorry! If you want to give it a try, my gut tells me you would love the program.
Face-to-face live conversation is not terrible for me. I can always ask the other person to repeat something if necessary. That does not work worth a poop with TV.
הרחפת שלי מלאה בצלופחים
January 23, 2020, 12:05 PM
smschulz
{sigh} that's all I can say.
January 23, 2020, 04:24 PM
1KPerDay
quote:
Originally posted by V-Tail:
quote:
Originally posted by h2oys:
Sounds like your joke could have come from the Amazon Prime series "The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel"!
I have never seen that. I do not watch TV for entertainment any more, ever since I lost most of my hearing. It's just too much work, trying to understand dialog, even with my hearing aids.
*cough*closedcaptioning*cough*
--------------------------- My hovercraft is full of eels.
