Long story but sharing a recent event with some background. Short version is my nephew was killed in prison. Long story read below. No need for condolences, he willingly gave up the life that was given to him.

My dad and step mom raised him since my deadbeat step sister did not want him. My dad was medically disabled since the late 80’s and lived off disability. They gave him whatever he wanted as he grew up and that was a mistake. I never lived close so I was not around when he was growing up. My dad messed up parenting my brothers and I and made even worse mistakes with him. Ultimately he made his own choices in life. People can overcome childhood, most do. Some do not try.

Trying to recall all the drama over the years. I think his first stint in prison was as a teen. My dad and stepmom sent him 3-400 every month while he was in. He told me he did drugs while in prison, I told my dad where the money was going and he did not care. My nephew told him sob stories to keep getting money while in.

My dad bought a truck for him when he got out (the first time) so he could supposedly get a job. He wrecked the truck within 2 weeks. He sold drugs to an undercover cop and went in again.

The next time he got out I happened to be in town visiting my dad. He was the only person I have ever thought I would have to shoot in self defense. He stopped by the house drugged up and it got to the point that I was going over in my mind where I needed to shoot from to not hit anyone behind him. I never pulled out the 10mm but it came close. The drugs wore off and he calmed down and I avoided a shooting.

A couple days later when he was sober I talked with him and offered to let him move in with me if he got off drugs and alcohol. That never happened since he would not quit either.

I do not recall him ever working, he mooched off my parents. After his second stint in prison he got out and he took some drugs that jacked him up. He became like someone with mental issues, if you have ever seen someone like that you know what I mean. I tried getting him admitted for mental health help one time I was visiting, but in the office where he was being evaluated he got belligerent, the police came and arrested him.

He ended up homeless, both my parents passed and he had nowhere to live. He had never supported himself in his entire life. He ended up in prison this last time. My brother said he was killed in a gang fight with multiple people, not sure why it says natural causes.

I am way past sympathy, he had a life full of chances. I tried my best to give him a way out, I have been a religious volunteer in the Texas prison system as well as an assistant chaplain in the local jail. I know how things go with them.

What a waste of life, some people would give anything to have life and others waste it. I have seen friends die of cancer, wanting more life. He wasted the majority of his.

I’m a Christian so I also told him about Christ and talked in depth about Christianity. I knew in reality that Christ was all that could change him. He did not want Christ, he did not want help, he wanted to do what he wanted. What a waste of the gift of life.

I will pray for his soul and Gods forgiveness.

Sad story. I have experience with kids who make bad choices in life...and wish I didn't.

Some things are just inevitable.

quote:

Originally posted by mrvmax:
Long story but sharing a recent event with some background. Short version is my nephew was killed in prison. Long story read below. No need for condolences, he willingly gave up the life that was given to him.....

.....What a waste of life, some people would give anything to have life and others waste it. I have seen friends die of cancer, wanting more life. He wasted the majority of his.....

Sad to hear, mrvmax. I'm just sorry that so many young people make poor life decisions. I had a young nephew who died from an over dose, over strength drug, or suicide, we really never found out. The first thing I always think of when this happens is like you mentioned, all the people who love life yet are terminally ill. Life often isn't fair.

I imagine it felt like watching a train wreck in slow motion. You know the devastating outcome and none of your efforts stop it.

I've shared this story a few times during my 19.5 years at Sigforum.

quote:

I met Bob shortly after moving to SoCal. Bob was the teacher for an adult Sunday School class, and about the 3rd week I attended he shared with the class that his only brother had committed suicide that week.

Then, Bob started sharing about his childhood. His Dad was frequently unemployed, abused alcohol, abused drugs, and in his late 30s committed suicide.

On Bob's brother's 18th birthday, his Dad caught him and his friends smoking weed. Instead of acting like a normal parent and punishing his brother, his Dad said if you think weed is great you should try heroin and proceeded to teach his brother how to shoot up heroin.

Bob's brother grew up to be frequently unemployed, abuse alcohol, and abuse drugs. He told Bob several times over the years, "considering our father, how could I turn out any other way?" When he committed suicide, he was approximately the same age as his Dad was when he committed suicide.

Bob shared a little about how different he was from his brother. The last words that Bob said that Sunday school class stuck with me, "considering my father, how could I turn out any other way?"

As I got to know Bob over my 3 years in SoCal, I learned that he excelled in school, excelled in sports, earned a PhD, became a respected professor at a conservative university, became a leader in our church, married a great gal, etc. He seemed to repeatedly make the conscious and subconscious decision to take the opposite path his father would take.

Literally two brothers on the opposite side of the "considering my father, how could I turn out any other way?" coin

Sorry Mrv. In a sad way, kind of got what he wanted.


The "natural causes" in prison thing. I guess quit breathing is natural causes. We can guess why that would be.

I spent a total of 34 years working in prisons. People like him are job security. Let go of the past, and focus on the future. Looks like you've helped a good number of people. You have made a significant contribution.

quote:

Originally posted by tatortodd:
I imagine it felt like watching a train wreck in slow motion. You know the devastating outcome and none of your efforts stop it.

I've shared this story a few times during my 19.5 years at Sigforum.

quote:

I met Bob shortly after moving to SoCal. Bob was the teacher for an adult Sunday School class, and about the 3rd week I attended he shared with the class that his only brother had committed suicide that week.

Then, Bob started sharing about his childhood. His Dad was frequently unemployed, abused alcohol, abused drugs, and in his late 30s committed suicide.

On Bob's brother's 18th birthday, his Dad caught him and his friends smoking weed. Instead of acting like a normal parent and punishing his brother, his Dad said if you think weed is great you should try heroin and proceeded to teach his brother how to shoot up heroin.

Bob's brother grew up to be frequently unemployed, abuse alcohol, and abuse drugs. He told Bob several times over the years, "considering our father, how could I turn out any other way?" When he committed suicide, he was approximately the same age as his Dad was when he committed suicide.

Bob shared a little about how different he was from his brother. The last words that Bob said that Sunday school class stuck with me, "considering my father, how could I turn out any other way?"

As I got to know Bob over my 3 years in SoCal, I learned that he excelled in school, excelled in sports, earned a PhD, became a respected professor at a conservative university, became a leader in our church, married a great gal, etc. He seemed to repeatedly make the conscious and subconscious decision to take the opposite path his father would take.

Literally two brothers on the opposite side of the "considering my father, how could I turn out any other way?" coin

Thanks, over the years I guess I have missed that.

I learned that you can’t rescue the unwilling. That has been the coldest lesson of my life.

People choose the path; it does not choose them. I hate to sound callous but he is in a better place now.

Unfortunately this story is all to common with young men ending up in jail, addicted to drugs and end up dying way before their time. All you can do is take comfort in the fact you did what you could to help him, talked to him about Jesus and salvation. Now you have to move on and help those who want to be helped. Its a sad story because 34 is way, way to young to depart this world.

My nephew had a similar story except he was out of prison when he died.

The hardest part was the feeling guilty about grieving him.

You did what you could. Take solace in that.

He was raised up by " enablers " . People that think they are helping but are only contributing to the problem . You tried but you never stood a chance . You weren't giving him what he wanted . You did the best you could and you need to be at peace with yourself .

My son was 26 when he died from a heroin overdose. I tried to help him. Nothing worked, he never wanted to get clean. He did time in jail a couple of times, I even paid for him to go to rehab for a couple months. Nothing changed.
I told him time and time again, this ends with you in a box. A coffin or a jail cell. Sadly, it came true 3 days after his 26th birthday.
He stole from everyone in my family. He assaulted my mother, and me. At one point I had a gun on him and one of his friends and was close to pulling the trigger. Luckily I didn't. I'd hate to go through life knowing I'd had to kill my own son to protect the rest of my family.
I feel guilty sometimes because I don't grieve him. I actually feel relief. I don't have to worry anymore about him.

My now dead former son-in-law passed at the age of 37 due to infections from drug use. He battled it for years but just could not overcome his
addiction. He stole money and pawned things from everyone he knew including his daughters (my 2 oldest grandchildren). I am sad for my granddaughters but also happy that their memories of him are mostly good memories. Drug and alcohol addictions really sucks.