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tell me the DO's and DONT's of dating a Philippine woman Login/Join 
Big Stack
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To my mind the Pilipino thing isn't the biggest issue, the divorced with kids is. No way that doesn't bring huge baggage, wherever she's from.
 
Posts: 20422 | Registered: November 05, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Objectively Reasonable
Picture of DennisM
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quote:
Originally posted by Paten:
Once everyone has posted their advice here and the thread dies down, ignore all of it and just date her. Live a little and just find out where it goes.

This. It's not the Hotel California. You can check out AND leave any time you want.

Not a do/don't, just a note (because this can be way "foreign"-- no pun-- to a Westerner.) Family is a huge deal. Filipino concept of "kinship" is complex, wide, and expansive. You will meet her family if they are here, and may be surprised to learn that her cousin (by blood) has a cousin (by marriage) and that this cousin is actually considered to be fairly "close" to your date.

To my Filipino friends' children, I am "Tito (Uncle) Dennis." To my friend's younger siblings-- younger than me-- I am "Kuya Dennis" (roughly, Big Brother) and to THEIR children, I'm STILL "Tito." Intellectually, they know that we're not blood, but that doesn't really matter... what matters is that I'm a close and long-time friend to their parents. I'm treated in basically every respect as "family." Now multiply that by a few dozen, and you get a picture of why a "family BBQ" doesn't look like yours.

Age and respect are a huge deal. Most Filipinos are moderately-to-very socially conservative.

If she's here, and/or her parents or siblings are here, nobody needs you for immigration or your money. Just sayin'.
 
Posts: 2042 | Registered: January 01, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Purveyor of
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My grandmother was Filipina. My mother is Filipina. From being around them both, I know never to date one. The sane ones are the exception rather than the rule.



"I'm yet another resource-consuming kid in an overpopulated planet raised to an alarming extent by Hollywood and Madison Avenue, poised with my cynical and alienated peers to take over the world when you're old and weak!" - Calvin, "Calvin & Hobbes"
 
Posts: 17273 | Location: Sonoma County, CA | Registered: April 09, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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I can't say personally, but I had a late friend who was happily married to a Philippine woman, with a great family of (now grown) three children. When we hung out, shooting etc., he would unload occasionally about the normal frustrations of raising teenagers, high school college, etc., exacerbated I'm sure by very severe medical disabilities. Anyway, he would occasionally make funny but convincing points about the frustrations of being married to a Philippine woman. My impression was there were definitely cultural challenges being married to one. He loved her dearly, but it apparently was a thing. He was a Navy guy, he may have met her overseas, I don't remember the details. I didn't know her well she was definitely in charge of things when I was at his house. His house was a happening place, and fun, when his kids were still at home. She loved him too and took care of him 24x7, medical bed, wheelchair, tons of prescriptions to track, loading and transportation, etc. Oh yea, her cooking was to die for, traditional Philippine dishes. He was a great straight up and stand up fellow, extremely patriotic American, said what he meant and meant what he said, generous and kind, but his house was definitely Philippine. Though he joked and complained about it from time to time, he loved it. Oh yea, he had an extremely healthy sense of humor, and boy he needed it.




Lover of the US Constitution
Wile E. Coyote School of Auto and Home maintenance.
 
Posts: 7258 | Location: Nowhere the constitution is not honored | Registered: February 01, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Its been some time but, my first serious, serious girlfriend was born in the Philippines she, came to the US around middle school and we started dating our last year in college. We were together for 3+ years and had I been a bit more mature then, we likely could've gotten married. Around her Dad and his friends, I was known as the 'American Boy', it was all good natured ribbing. Her four other sisters were a blast and they enjoyed having me as a big brother, as I introduced them to camping, shooting guns, car races and going to sporting events.

Culturally, banter amongst friends and family can seem very silly or, immature through American or, Western eyes, there's a lot of playfulness. Social gatherings are hugely important, any excuse for a party, the more wealthy or, professional a family is, the more such gatherings take on an air of being in mid-20th century society social clubs; exclusivity and elitism is encouraged and unspoken social boundaries exist.

I've dated and had relationships with a number of foreign-born gals, most of them Asian. The big separator, and I'm sure it applies to every immigrant group is, are they American born & raised or, born overseas? How tied are they to their culture back home? My biggest obstacle was areas of sarcasm and cynicism. As American's, regardless of your ethnicity, we (Americans) can be PERCEIVED by other non-Western cultures as being indifferent, insensitive and dismissive with comments and remarks. On occasion, I'd have some culture-clash moments where such perceptions resulted in a lot of headaches.

Other areas that you may or, may not pick-up is how people are discriminated and divided, unless it's obvious most American's won't initially pick-up on this. Tagalog is the national language and what's commonly spoken in big-city Manila; Ilocano also spoken on the big island of Luzon, is the second most spoken language and those two groups have their differences in not so friendly ways. My Filipina gf & I attended a party for one of my friends, most everyone there was ethnically from the PI, they immediately sized her up. Upon leaving the party she didn't speak until we got home and only then would her distress come out that it was a 'Tagalog v Ilocano issue'. Most people come to the US to get away from old world discrimination, get a fresh start; unfortunately, there are many who just can't let old shit go.
 
Posts: 11927 | Location: Wine Country | Registered: September 20, 2000Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Oriental Redneck
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quote:
Originally posted by golddot:
tell me the DO's and DONT's of dating a Philippine woman

I have never even casually dated one, advice? she is @ 40, kids, divorced and on her own and solid on her feet.

I DONT's have any helpful things to say, based on what you wrote.


Q






 
Posts: 21699 | Location: TEXAS | Registered: September 04, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Pinoy women like shoes and like to sing, so DON'T put down her shoe & karaoke habits if you want to stay on her good side.
 
Posts: 2301 | Location: Texas | Registered: June 17, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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There is no divorce in Philippines. Annulment is possible, divorce is not.

If she lived and worked as an OFW in another country and that country's laws allowed her to divorce, she could retain a lawyer, file and receive a divorce in that country that would most likely be recognized in the US e.g., a divorce in Hong Kong, Canada, etc. She'd then be free to marry again in a country other than Philippines. However, within the Philippines, she would technically remain married to that first husband (even if she married you in the US).

In Philippines, most Filipina's are going to have been married by the time they are 30, most likely will have a kid or two. If she's residing in the Philippines and she's still technically married, good luck at the AMEMB in Manila. The path to a US K1/K3 Visa with a technically still married Filipina is a road to nowhere, years lost and dollars gone.

I'm happily married to a Filipina (Ilocana).
 
Posts: 866 | Location: Federal Way, WA (It's a city not prison) | Registered: September 11, 2006Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Semper Fidelis Marines
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Wow..ok..ok.. As far as I know she's lived here most of her life she is very much what I would consider Americanized I was really looking for advice on cultural do and don'ts and being proper and not saying things that may seem offensive to their particular culture ,excuse typos,


thanks, shawn
Semper Fi,
---->>> EXCUSE TYPOS<<<---
 
Posts: 3022 | Location: TEXAS! | Registered: February 15, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Alea iacta est
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This should just be a do’s and don’t’s of dating women… The Filipina part doesn’t really matter.

Yes, Filipina women are the wearers of the pants in their home culture, more than men are. That said, its the same anywhere. Just depends on the degree of rule of law the woman has.

There was quite a bit of solid advice. The divorced with kids and the baggage that brings is a fact. Was her ex a Filipino? I ask because a lot of Asian cultures don’t bode well with divorce and can tend to be too involved in their ex’s life. Somewhere between annoying and stalker.


quote:
Originally posted by Paten:
Once everyone has posted their advice here and the thread dies down, ignore all of it and just date her. Live a little and just find out where it goes.


This advice from Paten is gold. Live a little. So it doesn’t work and she’s not what you are looking for. You part ways and maybe even got laid. There are worse things in life.

Maybe you find out her ex is on the other side of the planet. Her family doesn’t want to come to the USA. Her kids are polite, well behaved, respectful, fantastic kids. She cooks and is good at it. What if, maybe she turns out to be awesome? Isn’t it worth taking the risk to find out?

I married a Korean woman who is 15 years older than I am. No one thought it would work. I have questioned it from time to time, as I am sure she has. We just celebrated our 17 year anniversary together. 15 years married was just this past August.



quote:
Balzé Halzé:now I see that you're about as bright as a black hole, and twice as dense. Good lord.
The “lol” thread
 
Posts: 3012 | Location: Staring down at you with disdain, from the spooky mountaintop castle.  | Registered: November 20, 2010Reply With QuoteReport This Post
His Royal Hiney
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Suffice it to say I'm your best resource here. If you're going to email me, let me know here so I can check. I don't check the email on my profile regularly.

Basic tip is: know and maintain your boundaries in everything.

Specific tips:
[LIST] If she was born here and raised here, she's pretty much Americanized. Understand that for Filipinos who often live in metropolitan areas, they tend to be politically liberal.

If she was born there, then you should get really interested in her family over there and find out as much as you can about them from her. Are her parents still there. Any siblings? What do they do for a living? Essentially, if she was born there and has family there, you will be marrying her family. Ideally, if they are all professionals, well-to-do, and not sickly, then you wouldn't be expected to help them out regularly. A Christmas care package once a year may be sufficient to send them things they normally can't get over there. This is an 18" x 18" x 24 " box. She'll figure out what to send.

If she's divorced, find out where she was married and where her husband is. If they were married in the Philippines or her husband lives there, that's a red flag. THERE IS NO DIVORCE IN THE PHILIPPINES. There's only annulments but only the rich people can afford it. You will be scammed.

Those are the big things. If she passes those, then if you get to meet her parents, be big on giving them respect and call them Mr and Mrs until they say just call me Eddie or Betty. Don't joke around with older Filipinos; I have yet to learn this lesson, I can't help myself. But then again, I don't care.

Only after you're married or engaged to be married should you go visit the Philippines. And visiting is something I would heartily recommend as the place is enjoyable and the currency conversion / cost of living is excellent when using US dollars. Just wait until Covid is over.

Good luck and I hope you find true love.



"It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. We needed to stop asking about the meaning of life, and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life – daily and hourly. Our answer must consist not in talk and meditation, but in right action and in right conduct. Life ultimately means taking the responsibility to find the right answer to its problems and to fulfill the tasks which it constantly sets for each individual." Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning, 1946.
 
Posts: 16689 | Location: The Free State of Arizona - Ditat Deus | Registered: March 24, 2011Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Semper Fidelis Marines
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by Rey HRH:
Suffice it to say I'm your best resource here. If you're going to email me, let me know here so I can check. I don't check the email on my profile regularly.

Basic tip is: know and maintain your boundaries in everything.

Specific tips:
[LIST] If she was born here and raised here, she's pretty much Americanized. Understand that for Filipinos who often live in metropolitan areas, they tend to be politically liberal.

If she was born there, then you should get really interested in her family over there and find out as much as you can about them from her. Are her parents still there. Any siblings? What do they do for a living? Essentially, if she was born there and has family there, you will be marrying her family. Ideally, if they are all professionals, well-to-do, and not sickly, then you wouldn't be expected to help them out regularly. A Christmas care package once a year may be sufficient to send them things they normally can't get over there. This is an 18" x 18" x 24 " box. She'll figure out what to send.

If she's divorced, find out where she was married and where her husband is. If they were married in the Philippines or her husband lives there, that's a red flag. THERE IS NO DIVORCE IN THE PHILIPPINES. There's only annulments but only the rich people can afford it. You will be scammed.

Those are the big things. If she passes those, then if you get to meet her parents, be big on giving them respect and call them Mr and Mrs until they say just call me Eddie or Betty. Don't joke around with older Filipinos; I have yet to learn this lesson, I can't help myself. But then again, I don't care.

Only after you're married or engaged to be married should you go visit the Philippines. And visiting is something I would heartily recommend as the place is enjoyable and the currency conversion / cost of living is excellent when using US dollars. Just wait until Covid is over."



THIS !! Exec advice, I should have posted some background...I have known her for about 3 years, kids are teens and in school here, she runs her own business, IDK about the "EX" , i do know she has been engaged here once, but called that off. She lives in the DFW area and we have enjoyed good conversation and banter so far..

I just was looking for a few pointers that may set me above the anyone else, tips if you will, on how to score points, I am usually quite adept with women, having dated both black and white, but never an Asian..just like there are certain things you do /dont do at a family bar b que, I just dont want to do something that may shoot it down from the get go.


thanks, shawn
Semper Fi,
---->>> EXCUSE TYPOS<<<---
 
Posts: 3022 | Location: TEXAS! | Registered: February 15, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Still finding my way
Picture of Ryanp225
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Date and have fun NEVER MARRY!!!!! NEVER.
A man needs to be married like a fish needs a bicycle. I don't know why it's always assumed that that should be the natural progression of a relationship.
 
Posts: 9438 | Registered: January 04, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Semper Fidelis Marines
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quote:
Originally posted by Ryanp225:
Date and have fun NEVER MARRY!!!!! NEVER.
A man needs to be married like a fish needs a bicycle. I don't know why it's always assumed that that should be the natural progression of a relationship.


AMEN, this is gonna be my 3rd..and LAST


thanks, shawn
Semper Fi,
---->>> EXCUSE TYPOS<<<---
 
Posts: 3022 | Location: TEXAS! | Registered: February 15, 2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Still finding my way
Picture of Ryanp225
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quote:
Originally posted by golddot:
quote:
Originally posted by Ryanp225:
Date and have fun NEVER MARRY!!!!! NEVER.
A man needs to be married like a fish needs a bicycle. I don't know why it's always assumed that that should be the natural progression of a relationship.


AMEN, this is gonna be my 3rd..and LAST

3rd and last what?
 
Posts: 9438 | Registered: January 04, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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The Filipina pea wants you to date a Filipina, she also explains cultural differences, jealousy, family, etc.
Her series with the lawyer lady is very relevant if in the Philippines.

https://www.youtube.com/c/TheFilipinaPea/videos
 
Posts: 404 | Registered: June 12, 2005Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Telecom Ronin
Picture of dewhorse
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quote:
Originally posted by Flash-LB:
All I can tell you is what sargents have told their troops forever.

Here's what they all said:
Don't marry foreign women. They will say anything, do anything, be anything in order to get you to marry them and after a few years, you go from being King Shit in their eyes to being Dip Shit.

I've seen it myself a number of times with people I know.


While that advice works if you are OCONUS I would disagree that foreign women are bad. In many cases they understand better the role separation between men and women than some American women.

And while I cannot speak to dating a Philippena (sp) I have worked around Philippino people for most of my career and have always found them very nice, humble and hard workers.

Not much help I know....
 
Posts: 8139 | Location: Back in NE TX ....to stay | Registered: February 12, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Picture of ops cwo
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Wave off the pattern is full...
 
Posts: 258 | Registered: August 15, 2004Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Still finding my way
Picture of Ryanp225
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Every man should be required to read this to graduate high school.
https://therationalmale.com/the-book/

These two are also required reading.
https://www.amazon.com/Free-Ag...reedom/dp/1733039619

https://www.amazon.com/Unplugg...-ebook/dp/B08P3WBV2L
 
Posts: 9438 | Registered: January 04, 2009Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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Don't be talked into buying property in the Philippines.



Demand not that events should happen as you wish; but wish them to happen as they do happen, and you will go on well. -Epictetus
 
Posts: 7207 | Location: Utah | Registered: December 18, 2008Reply With QuoteReport This Post
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