Long story short my mother (mid 60s) and grandmother (mid 80s) need to downsize. They currently live on 2 acres in a decent sized home with a huge motorhome garage out back.
They have no need for all this and with Mom’s recent stroke and still unknown state of recovery really need to look at downsizing to open up a fair amount of equity in the property but also the monthly upkeep they are paying a gentleman to keep the exterior of the property well maintained.
Granny is mobile and sharp as a tack and mom is a bit unknown at this point how much she will regain after the stroke.
Though Independent living qualifications should be fine.

I am of the thought process to get them in somewhere that you do a buy in amount and pay a monthly maintenance fee.
All they have to do is buy their food (a few places have meal plans that can be done).
If something goes wrong with the property I just want them to be able to call a number and someone comes and fixes it.
I don’t want them to be responsible for a large bill if an HVAC unit goes, or a water tank bursts, etc.
So far I am finding most places you do a substantial buy in but generally get half of that buy in back when you leave (be it move or pass away).

What are other responsibilities, costs or fees that I should ask about or look for? Are any types of facilities able to be written off as medical expenses compared to other communities?

They are both on a fixed income so I am trying to stay away from a scenario where we have a multi thousand dollar unexpected expense.

There are some ownership condo HOAs that do all the exterior care but if a pipe burst, HVAC, goes out the owner is responsible for not only paying the bill but finding someone that will do a good job and not take advantage of them.

I am two hours away so for their sake and mine it would be very helpful to be as hands off as possible and just have them write one check a month and call one phone number if something goes wrong.

What else should I be thinking about or looking at to make this transition as smooth as possible.

The good part is both mentioned looking into down sizing before Mom’s stroke and have now realized that the timeline to this actually happening has shifted forward substantially and they are onboard so that is not a battle that will have to be had thankfully to convince them it is time to move.

I would look towards a facilty that provides both transitonal care{Independent living} and one that provides 24 hour nursing. There are consultants that can help with this. It is not an uncommon problem so ask around in your area. The knowledge is out there.

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I am two hours away so for their sake and mine it would be very helpful to be as hands off as possible and just have them write one check a month and call one phone number if something goes wrong.

With all graciousness and respect here, you might be leading with the wrong foot with this perspective. She is your mom/family.

Too many Americans are happy to just write a check. Apologies in advance if this seems overly harsh or doesn’t apply to you.

The general rule is that patients after a stroke tend to improve over the first 18 months after the event. Near-complete recovery is not that unusual.
I would recommend you check this with your mother's neurologist and consider not making a large investment in long-term care until you know how your still-young mother will do.

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Originally posted by SIGnified:

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I am two hours away so for their sake and mine it would be very helpful to be as hands off as possible and just have them write one check a month and call one phone number if something goes wrong.

With all graciousness and respect here, you might be leading with the wrong foot with this perspective. She is your mom/family.

Too many Americans are happy to just write a check. Apologies in advance if this seems overly harsh or doesn’t apply to you.

No, I completely agree. My post is poorly worded. That snippet is strictly in regard to maintenance of the property and the automatic paying of bills and nothing else. I want that stuff just to be handled easily.

If the toilet is leaking or a sink is stopped up I want them just to be able to call a single number to get it handled by someone we can trust and not be surprised with a $3k bill for service.

Or if the heat goes out in the middle of winter and we are in the middle of an ice storm and it will be a bit for me to be able to get there.

Ohh, have no doubt I will be all up in their business, I already am.
They need something I’ll be there. Medically, doctors appointments, all that stuff I’ll be there.

I am pretty handy around the house but I have a closet door of my own that has been off the hinge for at least a year now and there is no sight of it getting fixed anytime soon.
I do not want things to have to wait for them because I can’t drop everything and be there just to fix a door. Or it is a big expenditure that was not in the budget.

quote:

Originally posted by sjtill:
The general rule is that patients after a stroke tend to improve over the first 18 months after the event. Near-complete recovery is not that unusual.
I would recommend you check this with your mother's neurologist and consider not making a large investment in long-term care until you know how your still-young mother will do.

I am clear on that. This is not a pack your bags we’re moving you as soon as one comes home kind of things.
Heck a lot of these places have a 12 month plus waiting list.
This is something we have discussed in the past but never really got down to brass tacks and looked at costs and pricing structure.

I am looking for input as to what to think about or things to ask when talking to these places.
Trying to make sure it is the best fit for them but being prepared to get the ball actually rolling when the time is ready.

Even if we are lucky enough to see a full recovery this was in the works just not as far off as we had been planning.
So just trying to get the ducks in a row for when it is time to implement what is best.

I don’t know where you live, but when my pop pops second wife died, her family put him out. He wound up living in a place called Dowling Park in north Fla. on the Suwannee River. (it’s a Christian care facility)it has three levels of care.

1. Just rent or buy a home or smaller apt/condo
2. Live in apt with partial care
3. Nursing home full time care

He was not sick, and opted for #1. They could hire out work or he facility engineers would fix stuff if needed. As he got older and his issues and medical issues increased he was able to be moved around as needed to their facility.

I don’t know if there is a place like that near you but it fit like a glove for him.

My mom knew about it because she grew up nearby and everyone in the few surrounding counties knew of the place.

I hope you can find something of the like.

Xxxxxx

When my mother’s mom fell and broke her hip she went into care facility in Tampa the was once dorms for UNiversity of South Florida in Tampa. She got a room, care and everything was taken care of by them. She had to have much closer care. A year later she got run down by an old bitty in a power chair and broke her hip again…

Both of them were financially in a place to get good care.

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They are both on a fixed income so I am trying to stay away from a scenario where we have a multi thousand dollar unexpected expense.

If they're on limited fixed income with middle income wealth, I have to warn you that you will definitely not have a scenario where you have multi-thousand dollar unexpected expense. You will have a scenario where you will have expected multi-thousand dollar expense.

The poor is taken care of under Medicaid and people who are filthy rich don't have to worry about running out of money. But people in the middle who want to leave something or, at least, have the mental comfort of having some money in the bank are forced to draw down their money to just about nothing before Medicaid will pick up their expenses.

I'm learning this as I am looking to protect our comfortable but relatively small retirement funds.

Why not rent an apartment, perhaps one with a garage? A lot of older people do this when down downsizing from what I've seen. No big maintenance issues no HOA.

The choices include some listed above. From the structured 3 level places to apartments. My parents (88 and 83), spend time in two different 55+ communities. Both take care of landscape but other maintenance and repairs have to be arranged by them. That responsibility is evolving to my sister and me.
But for the past 15-20 years they have easily handled things themselves. The bonus of the 55+ communities is that they come with a built in social structure. My parents have good friends in both communities. People who do look after each other.
We took early retirement in order to be in the "winter" community near them as closer assistance is needed . (Dad has Parkinson's and it's winning)
Sister is near the "summer" community and helps when they're there .
Moving into those 55+ communities was the best thing for them. Lots of like minded people and lots of activities. They were miserable in a normal "family" community because all the neighbors were younger families and they had nothing in common.

quote:

Originally posted by MikeinNC:
I don’t know where you live, but when my pop pops second wife died, her family put him out. He wound up living in a place called Dowling Park in north Fla. on the Suwannee River. (it’s a Christian care facility)it has three levels of care.

1. Just rent or buy a home or smaller apt/condo
2. Live in apt with partial care
3. Nursing home full time care

He was not sick, and opted for #1. They could hire out work or he facility engineers would fix stuff if needed. As he got older and his issues and medical issues increased he was able to be moved around as needed to their facility.

I don’t know if there is a place like that near you but it fit like a glove for him.

My mom knew about it because she grew up nearby and everyone in the few surrounding counties knew of the place.

I hope you can find something of the like.

Xxxxxx

When my mother’s mom fell and broke her hip she went into care facility in Tampa the was once dorms for UNiversity of South Florida in Tampa. She got a room, care and everything was taken care of by them. She had to have much closer care. A year later she got run down by an old bitty in a power chair and broke her hip again…

Both of them were financially in a place to get good care.

This is pretty much exactly what we are wanting. I am curious about questions to ask, issues folks may have come across they did not expect.
Perks or amenities to look for when comparing one community to another.

There is a very very big part of me that wishes they would move to Florida.
We own a small place there and granny and gramps spent 6-8 months there a year and in the past few years mom was down there about 3. I would love for them to be down there but there is not a consistent support system for them anymore.
Granny has outlived most of their core group down there and anyone else is only there for a few months out of the year.
Also that adds a huge distance between us and my brother and I both have 3 kids. My brother and his kids see my mom and granny weekly and we’re up there or them here monthly.
Them Being in Florida we’d be able to maybe visit twice a year with school and sports.

We’ll hold on to the Florida home as long as possible but the’ll need the equity and the monthly maintenance fees they spend down there.
Instead of owning they’ll rent a place for a month at a time when they want to go down.

quote:

Originally posted by Rey HRH:

quote:

They are both on a fixed income so I am trying to stay away from a scenario where we have a multi thousand dollar unexpected expense.

If they're on limited fixed income with middle income wealth, I have to warn you that you will definitely not have a scenario where you have multi-thousand dollar unexpected expense. You will have a scenario where you will have expected multi-thousand dollar expense.

The poor is taken care of under Medicaid and people who are filthy rich don't have to worry about running out of money. But people in the middle who want to leave something or, at least, have the mental comfort of having some money in the bank are forced to draw down their money to just about nothing before Medicaid will pick up their expenses.

I'm learning this as I am looking to protect our comfortable but relatively small retirement funds.

You are correct.
They fall in the lower end of the middle income. They’ll be able to live well and comfortable but there will be nothing for them to pass on and none of us take issue with that.
The properties my grandmother and grandfather grew up on have already been passed and transferred to my brother and I for our families to enjoy. So we’re looking how how to get the best care we can for them with what they have.

quote:

Originally posted by Jelly:
Why not rent an apartment, perhaps one with a garage? A lot of older people do this when down downsizing from what I've seen. No big maintenance issues no HOA.

This is not out of the question. But I am very well versed with all the possible costs and snafus of apartment living. 7 kids living above you, Cheech and Chong living next door, living in a great complex only to have it bought out by some mega corporation and the place go to piss.

I have no clue about the retirement community issues and unexpected fees or costs. So trying to be able to really compare and contrast the options to help make the best choice for them.

Downsize.
Look at Assisted Living or Respite Care for a short term lease. These type of facilities will have on site staff- nurses, physical therapy to provide care. Apartment style living in a Community that can provide a spectrum of care.
Atria, Benchmark Senior Living are national examples of this type of Community. Leases typically are month to month with 2 month notice to end the lease.
These are suggestions. There is an entire industry of “senior living” accommodations out there.

I would suggest speaking to some sort of financial advisor, because some benefits will look at assets going 2 years back. I had to help my grandmother out after a stroke, and got her the Aid in Attendance benefit for my grandfather's WW2 service. They looked back 6 months.

Sorry no help on the living situation for you, but be aware that some things can have long term financial implications.

You might also look into what the fraternal organizations in the area have to offer.

I know that here in NJ, the Masonic Home offerings run the gamut, from senior living apartments all the way to around the clock care. As needs change, so will the level of interaction with the staff, all on the same campus. I'm guessing that the Elks, or the Moose, or what have you, would have something similar.

Best of luck in whatever course you take.