I’ve been contemplating legacy a bit lately.

I work a job where a lot is said about “honor” and “brotherhood” and that kind of stuff…or at least it used to be back when I started. The older I get the more I feel like that was just a way to motivate the young and naive. I've been doing it long enough now to have worked with guys who are now retired, and have heard plenty of stories about guys who came before them. And now we've got younger guys coming on and we tell stories about some of those older guys and the new kids don't even know who they are. It's not going to be long before these guys who were basically my heroes coming up…giants of men who had all the answers and knew how to do the job right…will be pretty much forgotten. And their "old" way of doing things is also mostly gone.

In a similar vein, I used to work at a college. The turnover rate is even faster there, because you're cycling through a full crop of students every four years. The former president of that institution while I was working there…a guy who worked his ass off for that place (before airplane or cellular wifi was a thing he had me configure his email to work offline because he couldn’t stand the thought of wasting 3 hours sitting in a car or plane on a business trip when he could be answering emails…it wasn't uncommon to get an email from him at 3am) had a stroke a few years ago and had to step down. The current students don't even know who he is, or what he did.

Arcwelder made a post here a few days (maybe weeks) back where he suggested that the only immortality that we can experience on this earth is through our kids. I think that's largely true, but I'd like to think that we can also have a broader lasting impact than just our immediate family.

Yesterday I attended a funeral of a friend who died in an accident. He was 62. This man loved God, his wife, his kids, and his grandkids. We have had the privilege of basically being adopted into their family for the past 16 or so years, and my kids grew up calling him “Bop” just like his own grandkids. He owned a manufacturing business and found ways to use it to help others through providing them with employment. I've watched him take a chance on people, put up with drama, give second chances, all in an attempt to have a positive impact on the lives of the people who worked for him. He hired a guy from his church who had a terminal illness and physical limitations, and employed him until he could no longer physically come to work and had to move into a care facility. And then he continued to visit and care for him after that until he passed away.

When my wife and I were young and broke he would come to us with projects that he wanted to hire us to do for him…basically as a way to help us out financially without “giving” us money. He never asked us if we needed money and always made it seem like he really needed whatever he was hiring us to do, but I know what he was really doing. When my wife went into labor with our second, they were the ones we dropped our oldest off with in the middle of the night so we could go to the hospital. He hired my son to start working for him when he was 12, and taught him work ethic, skills, and responsibility. He will turn 16 this month, and is pretty well set on a career path of welding and manufacturing thanks to Dan.

It took a tremendous amount of time, effort, and money to invest in people the way he did. Nobody's going to care in five years that he made quality drawer components or ductwork hangers, but there are going to be quite a few people who remember that he cared for them and invested in their lives.

The last couple of weeks have made me re-evaluate my priorities a bit. Work for the sake of work is a dead end. My personal morals and ethics demand that I do it to the best of my ability, but I'm not going to find lasting purpose or value there beyond paying the bills and living up to my responsibilities as an adult. There is occasional opportunity to actually make some positive difference, and I could do better at making the most of that. It's not that I care so much about being remembered or receiving credit, either…I just want to put my energy into things that actually matter. I feel like most of that stuff is at home, and the other people in my life.

What are you guy's thoughts on this? How do you prioritize your time and activities towards things that really matter? If that's not your job for you, how do you stay driven and focused to perform well when you'd rather be doing something else more important? Have any of you made major life changes in employment or otherwise to realign with your priorities? If so, what did that look like and how did it work out? I'm not in crisis or about to rashly quit my job or anything like that…just pensively contemplating life and would like to hear some thoughts on the matter from others.

quote:

Originally posted by 92fstech:
Arcwelder made a post here a few days (maybe weeks) back where he suggested that the only immortality that we can experience on this earth is through our kids. I think that's largely true, but I'd like to think that we can also have a broader lasting impact than just our immediate family.

I think it goes beyond immediate family to everyone we interact with. I've tried to apply the theory of a butterfly flapping its wings eventually developing into a hurricane on the other side of the world. Maybe it's a single interaction with a gas station employee at the start of the day that makes the difference in how they feel and how they treat the next customer. It all matters. In my mind, that is how we are immortal.

I’ve been around here just barely long enough to know what you do for a living and about how long you’ve been doing it.
You mentioned that your hero’s are all gone and they took their old ways with them. Let me ask you this, did you ever tell them that they were your hero’s? I’m going to guess no. You have been doing your job long enough that some of the younger guys probably feel the same way about you.
Men provide for their families because that is our job. We are expected to do it, we do it for our own pride as well as for our families, and we do it to to instill a work ethic to our own children.

A lot of people feel that their job eventually looses the aspect of brotherhood and camaraderie and even fun over time. The job can become a grind. I’ve never done the kind of work you do but I do know this; Working a job that you truly hate, I mean thinking of reasons to not go in every day is not worth the salary you make and I’ve changed careers for that reason alone. It’s a scary decision and it gets scarier the older you get. I would think it’s not worth it to change if it has just lost its luster.

You’re becoming one of the old guard at work now. I think it happens to everyone that keeps a steady career. How did your hero’s make it tasking yet still fun for you? Perhaps it’s time you start sharing all that you’ve learned to the younger generation at work. They too will need to pass it on some day.

I think what you’re going through is very normal. 20 years from now one of the new kids at work is going to be experiencing the same things you are now, and asking himself the same questions.

As far as balancing family life with work, that’s something any parent goes through. Be positive, and best of luck whatever you decide 92. You sound like you’ve got your head on straight and will make the right choice.

I highly recommend the book "Die With Zero".

I don't know if a legacy can be guided or contrived.

When I started work, the company got bought out and most everybody there was hating life and the metric-tons of BS that constantly presented itself.

There was a kid at work who had been through a lot. More than that. Went to Fallujah for a few years and got blown through a Humvee. They gave him a Purple Heart and a plate in his head, patted him on the back and told him to go figure out life on his own. He gets hired on at the shop and is still having trouble. I work in a different area, but eventually got to know him and that he tried to commit suicide several times. I'd call him at least once a week and try to meet up for lunch anytime we could. A few years go by and he gets a lot better...for a while. Tries suicide by cop. Goes to jail. Family hires a lawyer, but keeps their distance. I stop by once a week for a year and a half. He gets paroled to the VA hospital and eventually puts his life together and stays out of jail.

Another kid shows up and isn't having the best of life either. I knew he was thinking about ending it, but my job was relocated to another state and I lost contact. I started pounding the internet to shake something loose, but couldn't find anything for years. He was still around and was living off the grid in Ohio.

Most of the other new guys I work with I'll try to get them started on something that is more fitting to their talents and abilities. Starting a trucking company, getting a pilot's license, becoming a representative for the state, learning Python, etc...

Not everybody responds to encouragement the same way. It doesn't take long to figure out who wants to do more and others who are just there more.

Another guy was listening to me a few years back and recently told me that I had inspired him to reevaluate his financial strategy.
He picked up a second job to get extra cash. Last year he used his extra cash to pay $58,000 off of his principal on his mortgage.

Like it or not, I'm the old guy now. The one that remembers the old ways. Spent some time in Research and Development. Investing in people.

Most of the mid career guys still have a 'us versus them' mentality and don't care enough to know the difference.

Not everybody will take the time to let you know how much you are appreciated. Some may thank you for your time. It makes it all worthwhile when someone says:

"You have no idea what kind of difference you have made in my life."

2000 years have gone by and humans have proven that they can learn close to everything.


But their inability to make decisions based on their knowledge prevents us from any amount of progress.


What do you possess that leads you to believe that anything you choose to offer will do a darn bit of good to anyone ,?

quote:

Originally posted by bendable:

What do you possess that leads you to believe that anything you choose to offer will do a darn bit of good to anyone ,?

The part where he didn't shoot himself in the head with the 9mm and specified that he wanted me to raise his two year old in the suicide letter?

I still have the gun in my safe if that makes a difference.

That's some heavy stuff, .38SuperSig., and pretty clear that you made a massive difference in that guy's life.

As to work...I don't hate it. I still work with some good guys, and it's a good job, but I tire of taking the calls from the Karens about stupid meaningless shit, trying to wield the law to satisfy their own personal petty vendettas. Or dealing with the same people over and over again, with the same problems that never get resolved. Some of that is just day shift work in a small town...but it sometimes makes it hard to resolve being away from home for 40+ hours over the weekend dealing with stupidity when I could be home with the family. I know it all pays the same, but it doesn't feel very useful. Honestly, the busy days that result in tons of paperwork are more fulfilling than the "easy" ones where nothing happens.

I am an instructor and an FTO, but our last few new guys haven't made it through the program, mainly from lack of commitment on their part. They're reserves, so it's hard to blame them since they're not getting paid, but the expectations were clear up front, and they're no different from what was expected from us when we started. On the upside, one of our former reserves who I helped train just stopped in yesterday to say hi...he's currently at the state academy after getting hired as a full-time town marshall at another agency, so it's encouraging to see him progressing in his career. I also got to attend the graduation ceremony for our Reserve Academy on Friday, and I know there are some good cops who will come out of that class.

It's definitely not all doom and gloom...there's a lot out there to be thankful for and there's definitely opportunity to be useful where I'm at. I'm just pondering what I'll think 10-15 years from now looking back...will I be glad I spent my time this way or wish I'd done something differently?

MNSIG, that's also a good point that sometimes we don't ever get to see the impact of our actions.

You made a huge difference, while you were here.

That's all anyone can offer,

The energy you offered will be with those people until they die.

When I think legacy,
I am thinking numerous generations of that same energy affect.

You can never know the impact you have made on the lives of others and the chain effect that may have had on yet many others. Sometimes I don’t even think we are supposed to.

Live your life to the best of your ability with all your good and bad deeds and just know that you personally have very likely changed somebody’s life for the better. Probably many somebody’s and in turn they have likely done the same. It doesn’t take a grand act, it doesn’t take a great legacy, it may only have taken a bit of throw away advice or a bad joke at the right time. In that other thread you might have helped some guy get the cover plate off his SIG. Does that really matter? Well it does to them so yeah it matters.

Raise your kids to be good people. Do what you can to be a good person and understand that sometimes that bar might be too high at times.

That’s really all you can do.

All that said if you want to make a grant to the CSLINGER IS POOR AND LIKES EXPENSIVE TOYS FUND that would go a long way to solidifying your place in history as a great man.

Take care, shoot safe, and just be a good person.
Cbris

June 12th will be five years since my dad passed. Of all the many wonderful things I can say and the memories I have, one of the most treasured is all the people who have told me that without my dad and all he did for them they would not have have had the success in life that they achieved. For me, it is hard to argue with that legacy.

Sorry for the loss of your friend.
Sounds like he touched a lot of lives in a positive way. The older I get, the more I try to do the same.
I'm enjoying life more by spending quality time with the quality people in my life. Don't waste time on the toxic one's who are never going to get it. Make sure those quality people know how much they mean to you.

Okay, so I have lighter stories as well... The smallest gestures can still go a long way.

Another new guy shows up and does good work, but he was hired on for a two year term. Smart kid. Presents himself well. I had heard he had aged out of foster care and was trying to make it on his own.

His two years were almost up (there is a 64% turnover rate where he works). I ask him if he had any leads for a new job and he said he did, but didn't have anything to wear to the interview.
I clock out and we go to Goodwill. Got him to pick out what he needed, but they didn't have any decent shoes. Said I could get him a pair as the interview was about a week away.

I had some that were going to be in a display and they turned out to be his size. He stops by my place on the weekend to pick them up and said they were nicer than what he could have imagined.
Said he didn't want to try them on as he was wearing some kind of checkerboard canvass shoes without socks. I don't think he had ever seen anything made from ostrich before.
'Are these real?' I told him they were real and if he got the job, he could wear them without socks for as long as he wants. Absolutely made his day!

Long story short: He got the job in commercial sales and a lot of complements on the way he dressed during his first week. Said he wanted to pay me back for helping out as soon as he got his first check.

I told him that if he really wanted to, he could pay me back for the trip to Goodwill, but Mezlan Rollini shoes go for $568. His eyes get to the size of dinner plates and he sits down to take them off.
Told him that as long as he keeps the job, I'd buy him more whenever those wear out.

He is on his third pair and to me they are worth every penny!

That's a heck of a gesture, and I like the ongoing commitment on both his part to the job, and your part to him. Thats a great story and an awesome outcome!

Thanks!

The best part was last year he got promoted to a sales manager.

I've got my legacies. People's lives I've influenced for the better whether they acknowledge it.

One memorable legacy I have was a family friend. She cleaned houses for a living. She had an abusive husband. My wife talked her into improving herself through schooling. She applied for a community nursing program. They turned her down with a qualification that they'll reconsider if she can get a letter of recommendation from someone living in the community.

I wrote her a letter. I don't remember the specifics of what I wrote. Something about her current economic situation and what nursing would do for her. On her graduation party, she invited us and hanging on the wall next to her nursing diploma was the letter I wrote. She also ended up divorcing her husband, moved to Washington with her kids and married a single guy who loved her. She died some years later from cancer but she died happy.

There was a dry cleaner I used to take my shirts and pants to be dry cleaned. There was a young woman there who I just did little chit chat. We would talk about her career plans and I would just encourage her. Last I saw her at the dry cleaners, she was telling me she got hired at Safeway. It certainly was a step up.

Many many years later, I'm walking in the mall with my wife, I hear my last name the way I knew it was supposed to be pronounced - clearly and distinctly. My last name gets easily mangled and I'm not even sure how it's supposed to sound. But that time, I knew it was the right pronunciation. "Mr. HRH." I turn around and it's the dry cleaning person holding her baby. She was carrying her child. She was still in Safeway and secure in her union job. That she remembered my name just from me handing her my bag of dirty cloths with my name tag after so many years and to greet me tells me I made a positive impact enough for her to remember me.

I've got two children and seven grandchildren. I am proud of all of them. They are all healthy and doing well. The adults are all gainfully employed and contributing members of society. So that is without a doubt my greatest legacy. I certainly think of that as a legacy long before I would think of anything career wise.

As far as the career goes I think more about what I could do for my employees than how far I advanced in my career. I remember one of my employees who was an Iraq war vet. He had a below the knee amputation of one of his legs (IED), but you would never know it. He got around with no problems at all. He did have some PTSD issues, but his work was first rate and he was literally one of the best employees in my office. I always made sure that he got any leave he needed approved for his PTSD counseling visits. He had a fiance who was at the other end of the state. He wanted a transfer to be near her. They had a wedding scheduled for about 10 months in the future. We were of course badly understaffed, but as far as I was concerned, my employee had paid his dues and I was okay with the transfer. My boss wouldn't approve it because we were so badly understaffed. But so was the office that he wanted to transfer to. So anyway my boss said that since he wasn't married yet, he doesn't meet the criteria for a hardship transfer. I felt bad really bad when I told him. They had a family wedding planned and already scheduled with family flying in. Then the day after I told him, I had a thought. So I did a little research. In NJ it's not illegal to marry the same person twice. So I called him into office and told him I got a way to get you out of here. I told him to go to a justice of the peace and marry her ASAP. It's up to you, but you don't have to tell the family. You can still have the big family wedding as scheduled anyway. So that's what he did. That bought me a lot of good will with him of course and the whole staff. I have stayed in touch with him since I retired. He is now the manager of the office he transferred to.