....or nephew, niece, neighbor, etc.

Just looking for a feel good thread for the weekend -

Last night we were playing a family game of Apples to Apples. I don't try to win, I try to play cards that in the context of the prompt card, could be considered obscene, funny, or highly inappropriate. We have a rule that as you review the cards played, you have to read the description. My 14 year old Joshua read the Abe Lincoln card and off script said, "Abraham Lincoln took a shot in the dark to save the country!"

God I love watching these two boys turn into a mini-me! My wife not so much, her response to my near beer spit take, "YOU OWE ME A GIRL!"

Years ago, breakfast meeting, local club. Had to take my ~8 yr old Daughter with me.

She was seated across from the class clown, liberal wing nut, know-it-all loud mouth who was doing his usual thing of loudly dominating the conversation of the entire room when he noticed my Daughter, the only child in a room full of men, staring at him. So he ask her "What are you looking at?"

She replied simply...
"I ain't figured that out yet"

The entire room exploded in laughter. The clown had been burned by a little girl.

He shut up and ate his breakfast after that.

My mom went on a trip to Jackson Hole and upon her return, stopped by the house to give the kids stuff she bought. After asking my son, her 5 year-old grandson, for help to unload the loot, the kid noticed all the loot was in the form of t-shirts, sweaters,and socks and he exclaimed as only an innocent kid his age could "those aren't presents grandma, move please - I'll find them."

My son was about 5, playing youth soccer. His team was white, the other team was green. He kept coming over to me and my wife when he was out of the game, and we told him go be with your team and cheer them on, don't stand here with us.

So he went over there and started yelling very loudly "Go white kids!" My wife wasn't as amused as I was

I've posted this one before, but it's probably still my favorite:

7yo son: "Wow, Sis, those jeans make your butt look really big!"

16yo daughter: "No, I'm pretty sure it's my butt that makes my butt look big. The jeans just make it look blue."

Not one of my kids, but one of my Cub Scouts. We finished a belt loop up last night with a Magic Show. One of the boys ended his disappearing dollar bill trick by throwing all of the bills into the air and yelling "Make it Rain!!".

My four year old nephew goes with us everywhere, and is quite sharp. He is always coming up with some remark that is really fitting.
Last week, we were going to visit my daughter and grandsons, and came to an intersection where there was a greenhouse directly across from us. My wife said "I could spend a couple hours in there." I told her that was fine, there is a gun store just up the road and Landon and I would go up there til she got done.
From the back seat a little voice pipes up: "We don't have time for no games Todd!"

In the emergency room, my then three year old daughter upon hearing she was going to need staples to close the gash in her head remarked, "Daddy, staples don't go in your head, only paper."

My two and half year old was learning his numbers, letters, and colors etc. So I was always asking him "what color is that", "what shape is that" etc.

One morning I was asking him a series of questions like this and he looked at me dead pan and said "Daddy, you ask a lot of questions"...

"Never talk to someone you don't know, because they might be a stranger."

My MIL was a germ nut. She always admonished the kids to not touch the bottom of her cane. One Christmas, my 4 year old nephew somehow convoluted that to "Don't touch your candy cane to my bottom". Which is also sound advice.

When my daughter was 4, we went to dinner with some friends and left her with their kids. They had just adopted a Basset Hound a few weeks earlier. She goes up to the dog to pet him (at the time we had 130 lb Ridgeback) and the dog bites her on the face. Punctures her cheek and rips the eyelid. Turns out dog had some aggressive tendencies, they were not dog people and had ignored the signs.

I'm in the hospital, just did the wrap in a blanket thing so she couldn't move while they examined her. Screamed and in pain, crying. Dr leaves the room and she calms a bit and must have heard my wife talk about dog. She says "It wasn't Gabby's fault, she was just having a bad day...". Kids are innocent and sweet and stinks they have to lose that

She still loves dogs at 15 and after microsurgery no scars.

Our twins, now 9, have always cracked us up with their random, odd conversations. Two of my favorites:

Daughter: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Son: Meatballs???
Daughter: Exactly!!!

or

Son: Dad, do they have disco balls in Heaven?
Me: Maybe...
Daughter: Why would there be disco balls in Heaven?
Son: Why would there not be? I'm gonna dance my butt off when I get there...

I'm dressing out a squirrel before going to work.

Young son: Dad, open his stomach, let's see what he's been eating.

Me, (in my head): He's been eating our peaches and apples, Son.

Very young daughter: Daddy, I don't think you should kill the squirrels.

Me: Why not, Daughter?

Very young daughter: Because squirrels are God's little Creatures too, and I don't think you should kill God's little Creatures.

Me, (in my head, just staring at her): Jesus, help me.

When my son was four years old, he complained of a head ache and asked for, "A seed of medicine."
.
.
.
Acetaminophen

Back when my friends son was probably 3 (he'll be 13 this summer) we were at a friends house for a cook out and had gone to the street to check out a new truck one of the guys had bought.

We get down there and his dad tells the kiddo to stay on the sidewalk.

He ignored him and walked into the street with us.

A moment later his dad points to the sidewalk and tells him to get on it. Kiddo walks to the curb but doesn't get onto the sidewalk.

Finally his dad gets a bit short and says "Blake! Sidewalk!". Kiddo looks at him funny, puts his feet out sideways and starts shuffling side to side. Then we realized that living in a small town, he probably had no idea what a sidewalk was. Or why we were all laughing so hard.

I am currently working and living in PHX and my wife and son are in DFW....anyway my wife was trying to play with my son and he says "momma what are you doing"

My wife answered "being silly"

To which my 5 yo replied " momma....only daddy can be silly"

Made me smile

quote:

Originally posted by JDHunz:
Our twins, now 9, have always cracked us up with their random, odd conversations. Two of my favorites:

Daughter: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Son: Meatballs???
Daughter: Exactly!!!

or

Son: Dad, do they have disco balls in Heaven?
Me: Maybe...
Daughter: Why would there be disco balls in Heaven?
Son: Why would there not be? I'm gonna dance my butt off when I get there...

Ok that last one cracked me up...thank you

We were over at our daughter's one night for dinner and one of the wife's friends that was over invited herself along. She had a bottle of water and was tossing it up in the air trying to impress our 4 and 2 years old grandsons. Well, she missed catching the bottle and it hit the floor. The 4 year old looks at her and says, "Way to go dumbass!" The 2 year old not wanting to be left out repeats "Dumbass!" My daughter turns and looks at me horrified. Me, I'm laughing my ass off.

Apparently, they overheard their mom call dad a dumbass one day and had a new favorite word.

When my brother was little he enjoyed swinging the telephone receiver in the air and would then ask if his friend was dizzy. {Long before cell phones}

Sometimes my 70 year old mother gives my 5 year old son a run for his money when it comes to saying crazy things.