1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".
Can't you just hear him say all of these?
I love it. These were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word or political. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended his programs with the words, "And May God Bless"with a big smile on his face.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: nhtagmember,

I remember the Red Skelton show well.
Always enjoyed it.

He was truly a master comedian. I miss those days.

Yes, I remember too. Very nice!

I must be a Fudd.

He was one of the great ones... Those were the days of good clean family entertainment for the whole family. .................. drill sgt/

Love it!

"Got change for a Hern?"

One of his classic bits that began with a bomb when the audience didn't get it and didn't laugh. The next week he had a whole routine explaining it.

I tried to Google it but couldn't find the comedian. Was Red Skelton the one who quipped about his wife's belief in separate bedrooms but joint checking accounts?

quote:

Originally posted by tatortodd:
I tried to Google it but couldn't find the comedian. Was Red Skelton the one who quipped about his wife's belief in separate bedrooms but joint checking accounts?

I think Henny Youngman used that line, as well as several others listed in the OP. I don't know who stole what from whom.

Skelton was one of my favorite comedians back in the day. More than a little corny (how long since you've heard that word?), but funny as all get out. Much of stand-up is about the delivery, Skelton always hit the nail squarely on the head.

Sorry but any thread involving Red Skeleton must include this:

He was my Dad's favorite. Mine, too.

I remember watch him growing up, thanks for the memories.

He was already grown up when I saw him on TV, you must be a lot older than me.

He was great, and would sneak one in every now and again. He was presenting on some award show, and said something the lines of 'A lost purse was found. If you lost a purse, go to Helen Hunt for it.'