I agree with the majority of responses that she is likely too busy and needs to prioritize school over work over boyfriend (in that order, but good luck).

I believe that since she is 18 (yes, still in HS and living under your roof, but a legal adult), and that she has been disciplined by the system put in place by the organization her offense was against, there is less of a mandate to suggest mandatory parental action. I believe this is a better opportunity for a loving discussion about adult choices, adult consequences, and living life without the inherent safety net of being a minor. You seem to indicate that she is already contrite, so reinforcement seems to be the way to go, IMO.

Now, let me add this. I served two years on the Honor Board at Maryland Law, one as a member and the second as Chairman, so I know of what I speak.

Depending on the nature and extent of the offense, the consequences of plagiarizing in front of my board could have ranged from loss of course credit (which could mean having to do an extra semester) to expulsion. We did recommend expulsion in at least one plagiarism case I remember.

Feel free to let her know that.

-Rob

I have no clue what an honor court or clean up day is. Sounds like a bunch of nonsense to me.

I see no mention of what happened with the assignment.
I a presuming she received a ZERO which means she will need to work her but off to average out the rest of her grades for the course.

I'm not sure punishment at home is warranted or wise. I think if you pile on punishment, it will overshadow the teaching opportunity. She has already been punished for the offense by the authority.
I think you should talk with her - help her sort out issues & priorities. I'd be disappointed, but proud - she called herself out when she knew it would cause a shitstorm. Can't say I'd make that choice at 18.

By reading the responses here mine has moderated.

Certainly a discussion is in order and many points here can be made to her. Heck, have her read this thread. Give her more to think about. Much of the wisdom offered was painfully learned and earned.

My thought is you might point out that up to now, under your roof, she has had your protection and guidance. In so many ways you have been there. Many she has obviously seen, many she never knew about.

The rest of the world is not so forgiving. She may indeed later “cross the line” somewhere and get really stomped on by the authorities involved. Not everyone is going to be sympathetic because she is “a nice kid” or “really had good intentions”. Maybe the decision is “she needs to be an example”. In any case it is a painful way to learn the world is not fair.

“The early bird gets the worm, but it’s the second mouse that gets the cheese” - maybe she can explain that one to you.

As far as classwork and copied work, as a professor I saw it on occasion. We had the option of failing the student for the entire class. It would not have been an easy thing to do, it would have needed a solid defense on my part, but according to the rules it was within my authority. I do recall giving out a zero for that assignment. Also there was no option to “make it up”. Being a significant portion of the final grade, it cost him. He might have gotten a C+ instead of a B.

I have 3 daughters who are now in their 30s. Like your daughter, all of mine were excellent students and pretty self motivated.

I can't remember the name of the book that I read. It was written by a counselor and it had one premise. The parent’s job is to get the kids ready to leave the nest. My twist – senior year of high school is a dry run for college. If they didn’t develop strong habits before leaving high school they’d get caught up with the absence of rules when they hit college. I’d seen friends and children of friends who were use to lots of rule and structure implode that first semester of college. They sort of went wild when they got their first sense of freedom.

Beginning their senior year I spent more time talking with my daughters. (Went from the enforcer of rules to discussing principles – a very hard transition for me.) It was hard for me (easier for my wife) but we had them set their own curfews (of course with input). We worked together on boundaries and decisions. When they came to me I my approach was – it had to be their decision but decisions had consequences so let’s weigh the options.

Enough background –
This can be an effective teaching moment. Ask your daughter what she thinks is an appropriate parental response (I would try to avoid saying punishment). You might be surprised by her response – it’s possible she’ll be tougher on herself than you would be.

Point out the life lesson is making better choices when nobody is looking. Stress that these sorts of decisions will come more frequently as she gets to college, starts a job, etc. Don’t forget to say you are glad she stepped forward to fix her mistake.

Then I’d talk about balancing life and ask if the job, boyfriend, social life, etc. are causing time constraints for homework. I’d ask what he plan was to balance in the future and offer to brain storm if she’d like. I didn't read all the responses but suspect Skins2881 is right in saying something probably needs to drop.

When one of my daughters was in high school at top student sort of stopped taking studies seriously and let their grades drop (like to incompletes and Fs). That kid lost a full ride scholarship - now that a big consequence for a bad decision.

My encouragement to you, move from the rule of parent/rule giver to mentor. That will set the stage for your relationship in the future.

Hope it goes well – I know how frustrating this sort of thing can be.

Commend her for coming clean but the lapse in judgement merits punishment. IMO it will only reinforce the lesson learned. These are hard decisions that good parents have to make.

I agree with Para that some form of punishment is warranted. If she isn't, she might wind up like Joe Biden (if you're not familiar with Biden's multiple plagiarism charges, see here).

I'm not in the punishment camp, seems to me to be the prime opportunity to have a discussion and go over the situation, the how, why and what to do to avoid it in the future.

It's a learning opportunity, and it's clear her conscious got the best of her, which means your upbringing, training and morals passed through, a good thing.

We all screw up, it's how we deal with it that is the difference, she did the right thing, paid the price at school.

Good luck, at minimum some combination of discussion (I always thought the hour or half hour lecture was the worst part of the punishment anyway) and coming up with a fair punishment is warranted,

I think you have a good kid, and she's on the right path and she understands the difference in right and wrong.

quote:

Originally posted by Black92LX:
I have no clue what an honor court or clean up day is. Sounds like a bunch of nonsense to me.

If it is anything like where I went to college, I will try and explain.

We as students had to sign a pledge that we wouldn't cheat, receive outside help, etc. on every test or major assignment where individual work was required. In turn this allowed us to take our tests in areas other than the classroom, do take-home tests, or whatever else the Professor felt comfortable with.

In turn, cheating was taken pretty seriously by students as we didn't want other messing up this relaxed and permissive way of doing things. The Honor Court in our case was made up by students and overseen by two faculty who did not talk about what was done to other faculty. Accusations could be, and were brought by faculty and other students. The Court of students had the power to impose penalty all the way from non grade related penalty to complete expulsion from the university. I saw all versions of it happen too.

I doubt High Schools are quite as permissive, but Honor Courts can be a real thing with very real, severe consequences.

"OFF WITH HER HEAD!" said without even looking around.

If you want her to suffer a penalty, ask her to write a 5,000 word essay on that quote.

Or tell her to source this statement from literature "He went galumphing back." without searching the WWW.

She's 18, or on the cusp of it, and as an adult will have to suffer the consequences of her actions very soon in the real world. Artificially created penalties by a parent are virtually useless at this point IMHO. Also seems you've probably had a good balance of that to even be at this point.

I'd use it as an opportunity to reinforce that point along with the accompanying topic of not only are you not handing out punishment, you're also moving into an era in her life where you can't/won't be fixing her messes. She should be mindful of those before she gets into them.

Good news is she's out the door to college soon and can continue her education (academic and otherwise) in the real world.

The agreement I have with my son is if he loses his academic scholarship, I'm done helping with everything else - no way I'm going to absorb $10-20K in yearly losses just because he can't maintain a GPA. If he's not going to school over the summer, he has to work. And once he hits a BS/BA degree or 4 years (whichever comes first), he's on his own.

quote:

Originally posted by ZSMICHAEL:
You and your wife need to get on the same page. Go from there. It is only going to get worse when she goes to college if you guys do not agree.

I think that's the most important thing.
Talk about it with your wife and present a united front to your daughter. Chances are you will come up with a compromise solution between hers and yours.

Otherwise, it will undermine your relationship with both your wife and daughter if she learns that she can go around you and get what she wants from your wife.

Put me in the "this is a great chance to have a serous discussion with her" group.

She made a mistake and owned up to it before she got caught. I think that based on the discussion, some sort of "punishment" could be added, but I would think some sort of chores, or small loss of privilege would be appropriate.

Grounding for a month? Way, way over the top. I think large punitive punishments at this point, since she is 18 and otherwise a great kid, would be counterproductive.

Wow, a high school kid made a mistake. She sounds like she is a terriffic young lady. You cant make her feel worse than she already does. Think about some of the dumb things you have done.
Tell her you love her and are proud of her .

I think it says a lot that she owned up to it before she got caught. Good on her for taking responsibility. I would sit her down and have a good talk about it, and tell her there still have to be consequences. A week of grounding sounds about right...a month is a lot (if she hadn't owned up to it on her own, I'd be more inclined to that, though). I probably wouldn't have let her go to the basketball game that night, though...that undermines the consequences right there and makes it look like you're not that serious about it.

quote:

I'm being harsh.

I agree. a month for something she owned up to on her own and took her lumps is way over the top. i'd commend her for owning up and tell her I hope she learned her lesson. no further involvement or action needed

It's obviously best never to cheat in the first place. But, I'll give her credit for seeing the error of her way and coming clean on her own. That shows some good character and sincerity, still. The ones that I never trust are those who apologize only after getting caught.

I don’t have kids but I was one once.
Grounding was a joke for me, I’m very easily self entertained.
I got a much stronger message through talks than any punishment. *Real* punishments just made me buck back harder.

You have gotten some good advice in this thread, especially that which encourages a loving talk with both you and your wife. You have already got a good, honest kid. Make that grow and thrive. Don’t get too ham handed and step on it. Ground her for a week if you want and make her detail all the family cars. That should be enough.
YMMV, just my $0.02

Thanks to all who took the time to contribute. All of it was genuinely appreciated, and all of it was considered. For those unfamiliar with this forum, it might seem strange to seek counsel and calibration in a place like this. For those who are familiar, it makes total sense.

My wife and I worked through it, and found common ground. We agreed on a 1 week grounding, but with the idea that it is as much an opportunity to refocus on what is important and get back on track, as much as a punishment. Further, there are changes moving forward that mean less independence for the remainder of the school year. There will be more structure to insure the distractions are curtailed to help her see what balance looks like, and to live it for a while. Probably a very important learning before leaving for college.

We had this conversation as a family. She's very sensitive, and it was both difficult and emotional. It's obvious she is beginning to understand the impact this is having. Life will not be normal for quite while in terms of how her teachers and her peers on the honor court view her. This type of thing is supposed to be confidential, but none of us have any illusions about that. Waterworks really started when I informed her she would carry this poor decision for the rest of her life, but that it was up to her whether that becomes a positive or a negative, and I believe that. Every child is different, and we made a sincere effort to strike the right note on this one. Time will tell, it always does.