Daughter Caught Plagiarizing. Punnishment?

January 07, 2020, 08:32 PM

r0gue

She turned herself in. There's nothing to teach. You taught her before she did it, and it took. It was a mistake. She's caught it, and fixed it. Honor that, and be damned glad you have a great kid.

That said, do talk to her and try to help her balance these new things, which are natural and right for her to be exploring. You don't need a grade robot. You need a balanced wonderful daughter.

January 07, 2020, 08:33 PM

YellowJacket

Plagiarism is a big deal and can get you expelled from college, but it is not clear to me if she knows exactly how big of a deal it is. I think the punishment should be enough to make sure she knows that something like that could jeopardize her future but her clean record and forthcoming nature probably means she does not deserve anything too excessive.

As far as the boyfriend and work and stuff... she's a kid. Make sure she's able to enjoy herself. Missing an assignment is not the end of the world, especially when it sounds like she's on cruise control for graduating with good grades.

January 07, 2020, 08:37 PM

El Cid 92

quote:
Originally posted by sasquatch28:
"A cadet will not lie, cheat, steal, or tolerate those who do."

You and I likely polished the same brass sign. What class year??

I’m Class of 92....

Andrew

January 07, 2020, 08:42 PM

parabellum

Pliagiarism is dishonorable behavior and should be viewed in the same light as cheating on an exam. Serious business and shoud be treated as such. Some form of disciplinary action is warranted.

January 07, 2020, 08:50 PM

tatortodd

quote:
Originally posted by SIGfourme:
She graduates and goes to college in the fall.
She knows right from wrong. She is a good kid. She has the moral fiber to do the right thing. Time to treat her as an adult. You raised her right.

One addition in-line with treating her as an adult is talk her through the decisions that left her with no time to turn something in before the deadline. One of the biggest tools she'll need to be successful in college is how to manage her time so she that she isn't on the losing end of the 7 P's (Piss Poor Planning Promotes Piss Poor Performance).

I went to a Top 10 engineering school and didn't have to pull an all-nighter until my Junior year and the only reason I had to then was my computer crashed.

January 07, 2020, 08:51 PM

SpinZone

Do not punish her, only positively re-enforce her good behavior.

She came clean on her own and faced the music. Discuss it with her, it will make you and your wife feel better but what will additional punishment do? She obviously knows right from wrong and demonstrated that she will choose right. That is the behavior you want to see and when shown it needs to be re-enforced. Instead of grounding her let her know that you are proud of her for doing the right thing. At this point in her life it is less about teaching her and more about re-enforcing what you have already taught her.

January 07, 2020, 08:53 PM

Krazeehorse

I believe I would ask her how she thought she got behind and had to resort to plagiarism. She sounds intelligent enough she may know she is spending too much time on non-academic activities. Then I would ask her how she might resolve that. Then you can reach a solution you both can live with and it will help her budget time this fall.

January 07, 2020, 08:55 PM

Krazeehorse

You beat me Todd.

January 07, 2020, 09:04 PM

kimber1911

This is what I keyed in on.
“she approached the teacher”

To me this is greatly different than, if she had been caught plagiarizing.

She recognized it was wrong and hit the recall button on her own accord.

Harsh punishment now may lead her to believe that it could have been better if she had not acted to correct the indiscretion.

quote:
She had submitted the assignment online at the midnight deadline the night before, and felt badly about what she had done. After class yesterday she approached the teacher asking to speak with her.

“We’re in a situation where we have put together, and you guys did it for our administration…President Obama’s administration before this. We have put together, I think, the most extensive and inclusive voter fraud organization in the history of American politics,”
Pres. Select, Joe Biden

“Let’s go, Brandon” Kelli Stavast, 2 Oct. 2021

January 07, 2020, 09:11 PM

RHINOWSO

If you commit a crime and turn yourself it, you may get leniency but you likely still get some punishment.

Measured response is warranted in my opinion.

January 07, 2020, 09:23 PM

kimber1911

Which gets to the heart of the question.

Was the punishment already received sufficient?

January 07, 2020, 09:27 PM

CoolRich59

My .02. She knows how serious this was already. She showed both that - and her character by fessing up before being confronted.

I say good on you and your wife for raising a young lady of such integrity.

My vote is to find a middle ground. In effect, you want to punish her for the lapse, but also reward her for ultimately doing the right thing and coming forward before being caught.

January 07, 2020, 09:32 PM

slosig

A lot of good advice. I understand the arguments for further punishment, but I believe 4MUL8R has a better approach. I’d also agree that she is headed to college soon (our son goes next as well) and there is a tension between giving too much freedom now and not giving enough for her to learn how to manage it. As tatortodd so aptly points out, time management is huge. You may choose to help her with her time management by limit some activities, but you really want her to figure out how to manage her own time.

January 07, 2020, 09:44 PM

senza nome

quote:
Originally posted by 4MUL8R:
Reward behavior that you want repeated. Ignore that which you want to cease.

"Your mom and I are amazed at your honorable approach to how you handled the assignment. We know you were under a lot of pressure, with all you have going on, and are so happy you made a good choice to share the matter with the school. Tell me how you reached the decision to discuss it with the teacher. That must have been hard!"

Allow her to recount how she reached her own conclusion. Affirm this process and the result.

"I tell you what, that makes a lot of sense. You sure know what is important. Honor is about all we have that is completely ours. If we give it away, it is gone for good."

Allow her to agree.

"You know what...we can see that you've made a lot of progress this year. Nine college acceptances!
So proud! Why don't we take a week off from social events to allow you some time to focus on the important schoolwork? Maybe a week will give you a chance to recalibrate how much time it takes to get it all done. Then, we can go for one social per week for the next three weeks."

Love. Love always.

This

January 07, 2020, 09:59 PM

rmc85

First time caught usually isn’t the first time it happened. Difference is this time she knew she’d be caught.

January 07, 2020, 09:59 PM

DonDraper

Ground her for two week-ends, and make her do some "hard labor" around the house! If she handed in an entire paper that she didn't write any of - and never came clean about it, that would be a much different situation.

January 07, 2020, 10:02 PM

jigray3

quote:
Originally posted by SpinZone:
Do not punish her, only positively re-enforce her good behavior.

She came clean on her own and faced the music. Discuss it with her, it will make you and your wife feel better but what will additional punishment do? She obviously knows right from wrong and demonstrated that she will choose right. That is the behavior you want to see and when shown it needs to be re-enforced. Instead of grounding her let her know that you are proud of her for doing the right thing. At this point in her life it is less about teaching her and more about re-enforcing what you have already taught her.

Sure, positive reinforcement works. We've given her that her whole life, and that has helped make her who she is. But, she is a human and humans are blessed with reason. That means she possesses the ability to not only understand why she is being punished, but why, in this case,it is justified. That last part requires a little faith that the human we raised will reach that conclusion. There is merit in experiencing the very real consequences actions like this have, and witnessing that making a bad choice is more than a theoretical exercise. And, I believe she can learn something valuable from the consequences. In that sense, this is an opportunity and should not be squandered.

January 07, 2020, 10:03 PM

bobtheelf

First time? Dealt with it honestly? Do you expect a repeat offense or are you just being punitive? What do you honestly expect additional punishment will teach her that an 18-year-old wouldn't understand just having it explained? You won't be there to punish her next year.

It's over, IMO.

January 08, 2020, 06:52 AM

Fredward

Lighten up. She screwed up, then fixed it. Step back. In a few months you'll have virtually no input. You do realize you cannot access data about her from college, even if you pay the tab, right?

January 08, 2020, 07:17 AM

sig2392

Let it go, she messed up and fixed it.

In a few months, she will be off to college.

She is growing up, support her all you can. She will make more bad decisions. That is how we learn.

You did your best to raise her, now it's her turn to learn on her own.