I'm a father of three and have always had trouble with the transition as my kids enter adulthood. They are just so fun when they're young. Why does that have to end? My first two were boys so that didn't take long for me to adapt. My third is a daughter and the dripping contempt from her is sometimes really hard to take. Any advice in dealing with daughters entering adulthood?

Happy 7000 post!!!

Dude, I wish I knew.

I have one of each (15yo son and 14yo daughter) and my son is my best friend. I pick them both up from school every day I’m in town and my daughter wants me to take her straight home while my son wants to hang out. We go driving or shooting or sometimes just go get an appetizer and drinks somewhere.

My daughter is 100% like her mother. Her mother is a great person, but an emotional wreak. At least I’m blessed that her mother knows that about herself and so she recognizes that about our daughter.

Good luck. Honestly I feel like I’m walking on quicksand with my daughter. One day I can see her and she’s in a great mood and I can say anything and laugh and joke around. The next I can say that I like her shirt and she will get pissed off.

The best we have come up with is to let her know that her emotions are okay and that she can feel however she wants to feel, but that regardless of how she feels it is not okay to be disrespectful to anyone, especially us or any teacher/administrator.

As a man, husband and dad, my biggest thing is teaching her to be honest. So if I ask her “What’s wrong?” and something is wrong, to not answer “Nothing”, like her mom and so many women do. Instead, if something is bothering her and she doesn’t want to talk about it, instead of saying “nothing” I encourage her to tell me that she doesn’t want to talk about it. And, as difficult as it is, I then respect her not talking about it.

I am blessed that my daughter is 15 years old and we are as tight as can be and she tells my wife and I everything. I pray every day that that does not change.

However, a good friend of mine, his daughter is now about 24 years old. He told me they were as tight as could be until high school, and then "BOOM", everything changed overnight. It stayed that way until she went away to college and when she came back for winter break they saw flashes of her old self. And by the end of her freshman year, she was her old self and even told her parents how much she had missed them due to her moods, etc.

I am not sure that really helps, but if nothing else, at least you know you are not alone.

Wow.

A thread I could have started but didn’t think to.

My twin boys (M and J) are 19, about to turn 20. They alternate 2 weeks with me and then 2 weeks with their mom. Both work and J is about to head off to finish college out of state in August. M is still trying to figure out what he wants to do with his life.

Many of my friends have seen their kids graduate high school and then immediately leave for college. I feel exceptionally blessed that I had the opportunity to get to know my boys as young men and help guide them into the first couple years of adulthood; I think a different relationship develops there.

We talk about ‘life’. Sometimes together, sometimes apart. The point is, we really ‘talk’ and now it’s not just about schoolwork or grades.

When J leaves this summer it will be very difficult for me, both boys are amazing and in my mind far more than what I deserve. My ex and I may not have been good at being married, but we both agree we did and A+ job at parenting.

Not sure if this helps the O.P, but just embrace that you did your best to set them up for success and let them know you’ll be there to catch them if they stumble a bit…

I wish I had insights for you, but I have a 23 y/o son and a 21 y/o daughter. I’m honestly having more fun with them as adults than when they were children. The 23 y/o is a hands on learner that took a little extra time to finish college. He needs to make the mistake to learn the lessons and doesn’t learn from the mistakes of others. My 21 y/o is an overachiever on her way to an advanced degree. She stresses to be perfect in everything she does and has incredible discipline, but I fear she’ wound too tight.

I guess my only comment is to take the stoic approach to the transition to adulthood with your kids. Control the things in the purview of your control and accept the things you can not without judgement. Be honest with your kids and be available when they need or request advice. Help them to find happiness and worth in themselves.

quote:

Originally posted by goose5: My third is a daughter and the dripping contempt from her is sometimes really hard to take. Any advice in dealing with daughters entering adulthood?

How old is she? I'm guessing 14 or 15.

How much time does she spend being led by her A.I. masters via social media including YouTube? I'm guessing between a whole lot, and every waking moment.

Been there done that my friend. Google "digital detox".

It’s really simple fellas…


Your children change because they have to leave the nest. This is nature’s way of making everyone including you are ready for the transition to adulthood and living independently.

My dad once sat me down ant 14, and had a conversation saying, “son… I know what this is… It’s just hormones.”

All natural… they build up a ton of goodwill as innocent youngsters only to burn it down in adolescence. That’s my experience. YMMV.

r0gue

quote:

How old is she? I'm guessing 14 or 15.

How much time does she spend being led by her A.I. masters via social media including YouTube? I'm guessing between a whole lot, and every waking moment.

She is 18 about to go to college. She says she's not interested in any of the social media platforms. She does do the a couple of gaming sights.

Pale Horse

quote:

Honestly I feel like I’m walking on quicksand with my daughter. One day I can see her and she’s in a great mood and I can say anything and laugh and joke around. The next I can say that I like her shirt and she will get pissed off.

Sometimes its like someone flips a switch. The good thing is if I go shooting without her I really hear about it.

dKing 271

quote:

I guess my only comment is to take the stoic approach to the transition to adulthood with your kids. Control the things in the purview of your control and accept the things you can not without judgement. Be honest with your kids and be available when they need or request advice. Help them to find happiness and worth in themselves.

I think you're exactly right. Good advice here I think.

Ronin 1069

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Both work and J is about to head off to finish college out of state in August.

That is one of the hardest things I've ever done. Drive a kid to St. Peter, Minnesota to college and leave him there. On the other hand its the best thing in the world for the kid. He's now about to finish his masters at Florida State and about to enter the working world. The most impressive thing about this kid is he is willing to go anywhere to do what he wants. He certainly didn't get that trait from me.

quote:

Originally posted by goose5:

She is 18 about to go to college. She says she's not interested in any of the social media platforms.

Most kids don't think of YouTube as such, but it is probably the most powerful of them all, and I suspect she's deep in it hours a day.

If she's headed off to college, in my experience, you may see some improvement in her behavior after she gets out from under your thumb and starts to "feel" more independent. (all the while, as you're footing the bill, ...but don't being that up).

When she's about 22, she'll be surprised at how much smarter and wiser you've grown in the intervening years. Until then, you're pretty dumb and so embarrassing.

This too shall pass most of the time.

My son was great until puberty.

He was a major pain in the ass from about 16 to 23.

Around then he started to become human again.

Now in his thirties, all is fine again.