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Member |
My urologist's office called the other day and explained that my scheduled appointment would now be done over the phone due to the current state of affairs. One hour before the scheduled teleconference, I was instructed (via email) to administer my own urine test. This was to avoid those lab tests and costly co-pays that your doctor's tell you to get at ABC Diagnostics, and because they're shutdown too. Simply go outside and pee in the yard. If ant's gather: DIABETES. If you pee on your feet: PROSTATE If it smells like a barbecue: CHOLESTEROL If your wrist hurts when you shake it: OSTEOARTHRITIS If you return to your house with your penis outside your pants: ALZHEIMER'S | ||
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| drop and give me 20 pushups |
Now the question is do they send you the bill? And does insurance pay for this testing? .............drill sgt. | |||
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Member |
Let us know how the self proctology exam goes.  Collecting dust. | |||
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| Non-Miscreant |
Y'all laugh, but its one of the few pleasures left to us old men (peeing in the yard, not cparktd's fingering himself. I made a terrible mistake 10 years ago and went ahead with my wifes plan to build a house where you can't do that. We turned it 45 degrees northeast. From every point in the yard, someone can see you. I've solved the issue by just not caring. If they want to watch, its OK with me. Glad they enjoy it. Even one of my son's shares his mothers distain. And I still don't care. 5 years ago the youngest grandson had become potty trained. His other GF is a farmer. When outside, he pee's in the yard, field, beside one of the barns, where ever. Been done that way forever. Ya just hoss it out and let it go. So when the grandson goes there, and he's outside, he just pisses. Only a little different from going in your pants, except they stay dry. So one day he was outside in the suburbs. He had to go, mommy wasn't around, so he let it go in the driveway. I don't have a problem with it, but some of the neighbors did. Jesus, women are a pain about that kind of thing. Unhappy ammo seeker | |||
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| Member |
“Better an empty house than a bad tenant.” When ya gotta go, ya gotta go. | |||
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| Member |
it's a joke people...  | |||
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| Three Generations of Service  |
I try to be at least a little discreet when draining the radiator out back, but with my prostate, when ya gotta go, ya gotta go NOW! The other habit that elicits a "ewwwwwww" from wife and daughters is the "Farmer's Handkerchief"...plug one nostril, clear the other one. Switch sides, repeat... Be careful when following the masses. Sometimes the M is silent. | |||
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| Member |
^^^^ My Old Man was an expert! High velocity and accuracy, too. He taught it to me at an early age. My mother was horrified! End of Earth: 2 Miles Upper Peninsula: 4 Miles | |||
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| Non-Miscreant |
With yer nose or yer dick? Unhappy ammo seeker | |||
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Nosce te ipsum |
Do masons really pee on their palms to toughen the skin? What if your pee smells like Honey Combs breakfast cereal? | |||
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| Member |
I use this technique multiple times each morning on my walk. My allergys are non-stop, and I like to breathe through my nose if possible. | |||
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I Wanna Missile |
My proctologist’s appointment is also going to be done remotely. Why did they tell me to buy a broomstick? "I am a Soldier. I fight where I'm told and I win where I fight." GEN George S. Patton, Jr. | |||
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"Member" |
Taste was the standard test for diabetues for the longest time. "Hey Bob, does this pee taste sweet to you?" Uh.. it tastes like pee. _____________________________________________________ Sliced bread, the greatest thing since the 1911. | |||
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| Just because something is legal to do doesn't mean it is the smart thing to do. |
Um, I have no idea what pee taste like. Nor do I want too..... Integrity is doing the right thing, even when nobody is looking. | |||
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| I Wanna Missile |
Even the ancient Egyptians, Indians and Greeks knew of honey urine. "I am a Soldier. I fight where I'm told and I win where I fight." GEN George S. Patton, Jr. | |||
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| Go ahead punk, make my day |
It might be reality for some though... | |||
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always with a hat or sunscreen |
Doubtful as urine contains urea which is prescribed as an ointment to soften callouses on feet.  Ever wonder where the saying "didn't have a pot to piss in" comes from and more to the point what it means? Certifiable member of the gun toting, septuagenarian, bucket list workin', crazed retiree, bald is beautiful club! USN (RET), COTEP #192 | |||
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| Non-Miscreant |
You have type 2 diabetes. Unhappy ammo seeker | |||
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Hop head  |
I pee in the bushes and near the plants around the yard all the time, keeps the damn deer from eating everything, https://chandlersfirearms.com/chesterfield-armament/ | |||
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goodheart |
Flomax. I can write my name in the snow again. _________________________ “Remember, remember the fifth of November!" | |||
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