Welcome to the lost boy generation. Only a few have shot up schools, but too many are failing out of them.

The left side of the American political spectrum blames “toxic masculinity” for this—a term they define as anything fist-pumping macho.

The left’s solution, if you believe recent essays in The New York Times and so on, is to have boys act more like women.

They say a masculine upbringing creates monsters as they conveniently forget that more boys than ever are being raised without fathers in their homes. They also don’t appreciate the cultural fallout from Hollywood presenting the male role model as an Archie Bunker, Al Bundy … pop-culture joke. They refuse to appreciate that modern feminism has purposely done all it can to kill the gentleman.

To those on the left who consider manliness to be a synonym for sexism, male hubris, “mansplaining” and the like I ask: Is a man or boy who is so insecure he has to prop up his own ego by putting down women really manly?

Obviously not.

The thing is there is a practical and time-tested way to turn boys into upstanding men. Cultures across the world have developed these same steps, albeit often with wildly different rituals, because they work.

1. Help Them Choose and Chase an Ideal

No transformative rite of passage can begin until a boy (or a girl for that matter, as this is really a question of character not chromosomes) sees an archetype they want to be. The Boy Scouts know this. They have a clear ideal that presents a beginning to a real rite of passage. An ideal might be epitomized by their favorite Olympic athlete (maybe swimmer Michael Phelps or snowboarder Chloe Kim) or a singer or whatever they are excited about.

Few parents appreciate the human element of making this a who instead of a what. Today we are often taught to try different things as we search for a calling. When a boy finds something that pleases him he is supposed to simply do that. They’re not asked to understand what they’re chasing. This is an almost impossible thing to accomplish in a world of visual distractions. Many become lost on such dark and uneven roads to manhood.

2. Don’t Save Them from Fear

All real rites of passage have scary things in them to overcome. This is why videogames and other alternate realities can never really build character—they are not real.

In the Boy Scouts this fear might be darkness on a campout. It might be fear of not succeeding in front of peers. A boy might be afraid of being tackled or of missing a pass in a game. These fears are there to be overcome. Each time they are, character is built. Confidence grows. You’ll see a teenager’s “whatever” glare turn into a smile when this happens.

3. Be a Good Guide

Your job is to be a guide, to show the way. Stand back and be emblematic of the role. Explain when they ask questions, but let them discover. No matter how well you explain they won’t see or accept your point of view completely, as theirs is very different. Still, a guide is critical. Rites of passage go astray without a sensei, drill sergeant, coach or teacher. (Beware though: a poor guide can ruin a boy.)

4. Let Them Run the Gauntlet

Whether they are trying to be the next Derek Jeter or Neil deGrasse Tyson, the ideal they chase will take them into a gauntlet. It’s hard work to earn those Boy Scout patches or to learn to play the piano. Each real endeavor presents a gauntlet they must overcome on their own. You just need to be there as a guide and, as you do, be as nonjudgmental as you can.

Ask anyone who coaches kids and they’ll tell you the biggest problem is the parents—first those that aren’t there for their children; next, the parents who think it’s all about them; and, maybe worst of all, the parents who refuse to let their kids fail.

5. Introduce a Code

All real rites of passage have moral codes as their foundations, as without them the change isn’t lasting. This is why the Boy Scouts have a code. This is why sports also have rules of conduct. Talk to them about this and help them write down their own code. The best way to do this is to talk about the ideal they’re pursuing and then to discuss the rules this ideal lives by. My book This Will Make a Man of You is organized according to these steps and has dozens of real codes in the back to help anyone formulate a code relevant for them.

6. Let Them Go

If they struggle yet endure they will be accepted among peers on team, band, dojo, club or other groups who are all following the same ideal. Stand back now and let them go. They are okay and have taken big steps toward become honorable members of society. They’ll need you again when they start chasing their next ideal, as we are never really done challenging ourselves as we chase new heroes toward all we want to be.

Link

Only one step is needed...

Let them act like boys and help them grow into men and act like a man.

Too much PC bullshit, anti bullying, no pushing, no shoving, etc. We train them to be pajama boys and then wonder why they are a bunch of mis adjusted pussies who cant handle the world. Just tonight at a boy scout event this little bastard who is always causing trouble deliberately threw away something my son wanted and then broke something else his friend wanted. My son is way bigger than this kid, and I've had enough of this little shit. My sons friends dad came over and said id love to just have our boys go take care of business. I agreed and we both called our boys over and said if he acts up again, knock that little shit on his ass.

Our boys need to know there comes a time to stand up to bullies and handle your business. And little turd blossoms like that kid need to learn you can't act like that and not get your ass kicked. It's an essential set of lessons for boys they don't learn anymore.

They aren't taught to be competitive and driven and act like a man. Lose like a man, win like a man, suck it up and deal with the shitstorm like a man because life sucks and it's full of assholes and disappointment and you can either deal with it like a man or go in the corner get in the fetal position and suck your thumb.

We need a step-by-step guide? Really?

Really great piece!

quote:

Originally posted by 12131:
We need a step-by-step guide? Really?

Sadly, I believe we do. I know several good men who are good husbands and fathers with the best of intentions for their children. Most live in the home, all have steady jobs, put food on the table and a roof over their family's heads. In some cases they take their family to church on a regular basis.

But they love their children so much that they sometimes forget to be Dads first. They focus instead on being a friend to their child. In some cases socializing their children so that they are well liked by other children and parents rather than developing a code or their children's character. They focus on removing all the obstacles and challenges their children face, rather than allowing their children to "grow" through these challenges.

The code mentioned in the article above is, in a sense, an obstacle, a challenge, even a "difficulty", and therefore no code is ever set forth for the child to follow.

Dads, parents really, have to wear a lot of different hats...protector, provider, disciplinarian, guide, teacher...and yes, sometimes friend. But when a Dad forgets, or chooses, to omit one of these roles, we sometimes see children with gaps in their growth.

In my opinion this lack of a code taught to children by their parents, this lack of focus on developing character in children, is why the snowflake phenemenon is so prevalent today.

quote:

Originally posted by 12131:
We need a step-by-step guide? Really?

12131, I agree with you.

Seems to me everyone wants written directions so when they don't get the desired results they have someone else to blame.

quote:

Originally posted by 12131:
We need a step-by-step guide? Really?

Apparently we do.

There seems to be a great deal of either ignorance, or nonchalance, and even outright antagonism to these things, and the results are starting to drag us down.

Anyway, what does it hurt to be reminded?