Its a transactional matter, so "opposing counsel" isn't really opposing.

I realize it is, now, appropriate in the profession to refer to all female attorneys, as "Ms. XYZ."

The opposition keeps referring to my client as "Ms. Client."

However, my client is of an age, and social background, where being addressed in that fashion, is insulting.

She's either "Miss First name, Mrs. Late Husband's Last name, or Mrs. Late husband's first and last name."

I'm trying to head off an issue, before it becomes a problem, and Opposition ends up on Client's list. (Southern women excel at lists.)

Isn't there a form book, or something which should educate her on this?

If your client is as tough an old bird as she sounds, she'll set young Ms. XYZ straight herself.

The other thing you can do is refer to your client in her preferred form of address and hopefully young Ms. XYZ will follow your lead.

My client has requested that I ask you to address her as Mrs. XYZ"

Double edge sword, then she knows your client's hot buttons.

Ms. XYZ needs to get with the program and join the revolution of women's rights.

Now with that said, my ex-wife's mother ("Ginie") was VERY adamant she be called "Mrs. Evans" and there was no changing that southern mindset of hers.

Just tell the attorney how your client prefers to be addressed. Be direct, be polite. Send a version of your first post.

Shouldn't be any kind of thing.

I once made the mistake of referring to a very nioe older lady at church-- doing the math, she could not have been younger than 75 at the time-- as "Ms." This was in the Atlanta suburbs in the early 1990s.

In the dangerously sweet tone that only born-raised-and-never-left Southern women can pull off, she related that she had been "Mrs." since my parents were small children, had grown accustomed to being "Mrs." and actually quite liked it, thank you.

I do not specifically recall, but I'm reasonably certain that "bless your heart" was in there somewhere.

Lesson. Learned.

quote:

Originally posted by jhe888:
Just tell the attorney how your client prefers to be addressed. Be direct, be polite. Send a version of your first post.

Shouldn't be any kind of thing.

What he said.

I think sometimes people try to use "Ms." as a neutral way to address a woman.

Some good approaches noted above; I would only add that the other party's attorney would probably be glad to be told, and to comply. I would do so privately, out of earshot of either principal party, counsel-to-counsel.

In a negotiation/transaction situation, which is what this sounds like, I don't imagine anyone wants to be thoughtlessly irritating anybody. You'll most likely get a quiet 'thanks', is my guess.

quote:

I think sometimes people try to use "Ms." as a neutral way to address a woman.

"Ms." is kind of handy if the woman's marital status is not known. I tend to use it that way, and use "Miss" or "Mrs." if I'm on solid ground, unless the woman in question has expressed a preference for "Ms."

Is ma'am no longer appropriate?

I use Ma'am most of the time unless the woman is younger. Then again, I'm an old fart who doesn't quite care how they take it!!! LOL

quote:

Originally posted by az4783054:
Is ma'am no longer appropriate?

I think that’s considered microaggression or some such stupid thing these days.

I use Ms. to address women when I know they are not married or if I’m not sure. I use “Mrs.” if I know that are married or if they are widowed. Those are defaults though - if someone has a preference I call them what they want.

I doubt your counterpart is being rude on purpose, they probably just don’t know any better. Let them know politely and see what happens.

DaveL, I would hope its not on purpose - but she know's Client is a Southern Widow...

Rhinowso... There is a certain appeal in letting it happen/aiming one of the socially significant elder women at her - but I'll just send her an email, giving her a heads up.

Were it me, I'd simply contact opposing counsel directly and make the request. You could let the matter crumble, but life is simpler when everyone is happy. And not on a list.

Ask Karen to inform her.