My mother-in-law is 80 and had a pretty serious stroke about 4 years ago along with a couple of minor ones since. She was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia a few years ago and while still pretty functional, she is starting to decline.

She owns her own condo, her son lives with her and has been taking care of her but he pretty crippled up as well and the situation is just no longer working.

Condo is owned free and clear, in her name. It is her old asset. She has no savings or retirement, only income is Social Security of bout $1500/mo.

The plan is to sell the condo and use the proceeds to pay for her care at a "Memory Care Facility" on a "Spend down" program where once the money is gone (estimated to last about three years) she would be moved to Medicaid and they would pick up the balance with her SS being the monthly "deductible".



This is all new to me, my Dad came to live with us and passed away at 89. Totally different situation however, he was mentally sharp and able to care for his own hygiene, etc, until the very end. Unfortunately, we cannot care for her properly in our home and a facility would do far more for her in the way of activities and attention than we could provide.


I am collecting her important documents, will, birth certificate, etc. I will be opening a separate joint bank account for her finances.


For anyone who has been in this situation, would love to hear suggestions or comments on things I may need to know or haven't thought of or mentioned.

I would see a local Elder care attorney for a consult. Your plan sounds reasonable but you do not want trouble with the IRS or Medicaid. Pretty straightforward.

First of all, thank you for looking after her. I’ve been there and would be glad to visit with you about the personal side and some conversation points for you to ask your elder care attorney about. Email is in my profile, just send a message and I will reply with my number.

My sister is in a similar situation with her husband . The time is fast approaching when she will not be able to care for him at home . We keep trying to get her to go talk to somebody about how the process will work but she refuses to see the big picture . She keeps taking things one day at a time and it's going to sneak up on her and she won't have a plan in place .

Just put my step father in memory care and my wife is a director at a facility with a memory care unit.

I too would be happy to have a conversation about it if you are interested. PM me and I can send my cell if interested.

Short version, visit as many facilities as you can. There are great ones and really shitty ones. When you visit, ask the employees about what they think working there. Talk directly to the memory care unit Director. Find out how long she has been there.

Memory care is ridiculously expensive. We found between $6500 and $9K per month in southwest Florida. If she owns the condo she likely has enough for the plan you suggest, switching to Medicare after the money runs out.

Lastly, the neurologist for my step father is a HUGE advocate and gets involved in discussions about care with the facility.