Mom caught the Rona for the first time. Didn’t tell anyone and called me three days after she was admitted to the hospital. She said the worst thing was that it affected the nerves in her face where she had the shingles a year back. Tylenol relieved that. She once again left her iPhone at home so until that time no one knew where she actually was. She said she’s feeling good but she said she’s worried that she can’t do laundry so she’s going to the nursing home to recover and the closest one that will take a COVID positive patient is over in Ohio. I advised against it for three reasons, she doesn’t have her phone, she doesn’t actually need to go and the place has a 1 star review.

See, mom likes attention and to be taken care of. Doesn’t matter if the care is sub-par as long as she gets to sit in a bed, have someone clean her and bring her food. Doesn’t matter if the food is garbage, as long as someone is paying for it. She has good insurance and she knows how to use it. If they’re paying for a nursing home for a certain number of days, she will go there for that exact number of days. If she could wear a crown during her stay, i believe she would.

So, she’s sitting in an Ohio nursing home without her phone and no one is able to contact her. I called there Friday, they said she’s there, they said there’s no phone in her room, since she’s isolated she can’t come out to the nursing station phone. They also don’t allow visitors for those in isolation. I called last night, went through the phone menu maze to leave a message, listened to the extensive instructions to leave a message only to be told the voicemail is full and not accepting messages. I know she’s upset that no one is visiting her but she planned it this way, it seems. I just don’t know what to do with her.

Good morning Mark…I hope today activities help you overcome your fear of the unknown.

Please know that you are not at fault, and are also not a bad son. Love and concern are not always enough to overcome the situation.

I remain essentially estranged from my mother and it takes a calm and repeated assessment that the relationship is what it is, through no fault of intention. The pain remains, regardless.

Thanks, my friend. I just wish she’d stop purposely making her life hard. Then I wouldn’t have to worry.

Take FMLA and get her out of there. She's your Mother.

quote:

Originally posted by Schmelby:
Take FMLA and get her out of there. She's your Mother.

I don’t know what that means.

quote:

Originally posted by mark123:

quote:

Originally posted by Schmelby:
Take FMLA and get her out of there. She's your Mother.

I don’t know what that means.

I apologize, it's the family leave act. You can take off work and there is nothing your employer can do
about it. My parents were fortunate enough to be in a good nursing home in Sebring Florida. Mom had dementia
the last few years. They took pretty good care of them.

She is an adult and capable of making choices. I think you have her sized up. Assuming she is 65 she has Medicare. The home will give her the boot at 30 days or she can pay for it. Sounds like she enjoys the attention.

quote:

If she could wear a crown during her stay, i believe she would.

So, she’s a drama Queen?

I’m only saying that based on all I know about your mother comes from your post in this thread.

I’ve read enough of your other posts, especially about your son, to be confident in saying how ever you handle the situation with your mother will be the best decision given the circumstances. You’re a good man, father, and son.

What a mess. My folks are the same way with an iPhone. They have a land line, and so it's only good for when they leave home. Yet they leave it at home all thee time.

Maybe grab a track phone and drop it off with instructions that they give it to her?

quote:

Originally posted by Schmelby:

quote:

Originally posted by mark123:

quote:

Originally posted by Schmelby:
Take FMLA and get her out of there. She's your Mother.

I don’t know what that means.

I apologize, it's the family leave act. You can take off work and there is nothing your employer can do
about it. My parents were fortunate enough to be in a good nursing home in Sebring Florida. Mom had dementia
the last few years. They took pretty good care of them.

I see. Thanks. My employer is me so I could go anytime. I doubt she’ll leave though.

quote:

Originally posted by ZSMICHAEL:
She is an adult and capable of making choices. I think you have her sized up. Assuming she is 65 she has Medicare. The home will give her the boot at 30 days or she can pay for it. Sounds like she enjoys the attention.

I try to help her but …

quote:

Originally posted by trapper189:
So, she’s a drama Queen? …

YES!!
My psychiatrist, Dr. Google, tells me she’s probably a narcissist with histrionic traits. Cluster-B stuff.

quote:

Originally posted by r0gue:
What a mess. My folks are the same way with an iPhone. They have a land line, and so it's only good for when they leave home. Yet they leave it at home all thee time.

Maybe grab a track phone and drop it off with instructions that they give it to her?

I guess carrying a phone isn’t important to the generation before us. There’s no point in having it if she’s just going to leave it home.

Do not know about Cluster B, but she is definitely manipulative. If it makes you feel any better, her behavior is not uncommon. A walking talking generator of guilt for her son.

She is who she is. She's entitled to make decisions that seem bad.

I'm guardian of an older sister with multiple physical and mental disabilities. She makes her own life far more difficult than it needs to be. She refuses physical therapy, and constantly tries to mess with her meds. She is rude to everyone who tries to help her.

You can only do so much for your mom. She is choosing her path, and it is not your responsibility to rescue her.

The only way to manage stuff like this is for your elderly parent to have a trust with you as a co-trustee with medical and financial POA.

A finding of mental incapacity is a high hurdle that lawyers avoid like the plague.

But in my situation as a full trustee, I have my mom's banking, debit card, checkbook, in my possession. Thus I am preventing her from throwing money away at stupid shit. I also get her mail at my house. She lives in an assisted living place not too far away, and as she needs higher care levels, they can do that up to and including "memory care" lockdown.

The difference in her savings relative to her control or my control is staggering. She was pissing away her retirement savings on one stupid thing or another - and entire industries are set up to steal from the elderly - such as publisher's clearinghouse and a host of other shithouse charities asking for money to "save social security", and various "medical providers" that are not covered under Medicare and are thus quackery.'

It is truly shocking and staggering to see the efforts of so many organizations to steal retiree's savings. How they live with themselves is beyond my imagination.