She screwed the pooch with her own father. Next best thing is the rich Aunt. You both would be stupid to give her any inkling that you are going to give her and inch.
In truth the only thing she could do is make an effort to have a relationship with her, while asking for absolutely nothing. After maybe a decade you guys could trust her once she gets herself on a good trajectory. Most like her, never do. But there is a chance.

Kev sorry for the fighting and that she could not come to reason from your two’s talking it out but whatever though at least she came to understand from the father.
I sincerely hope that she and you both grow closer together from this.
In the end you have to do whats best for you and your wife if she will let you.
Its really sad to watch these young kids destroy themselves by expecting everyone else to provide for them.

I am very pleased to read this.

You did right by stating your position, stand firm and letting it "marinate" in all of that and not letting it spoil your time together. That's strength building and you will see long term results.

Letting her get confirmation from the father was a result of that.

And the trip, will be the thing that sticks in her mind as this ages.

Hopefully, you two will be able to have a united base with which any support that can be beneficial and appreciated by your niece may be realized.

I have to say that this time was so different it caught me off guard. We have been asked and gotten the sob story no less than 5 times by each of them. I generally give them a list of must do’s before and they stop for a day or 2 and call and ask to “visit”. I say sure, but buy a roundtrip ticket. You are not moving here so don’t purchase one-way and it stops. This time my wife just kept saying she has to come, she can’t stay there, I have to help and I can’t let this happen. She got mad when I pointed out that all I hear her saying is I, I , I. What was her neice doing for herself? She lost it and went in on all the stuff her 22yr old doesn’t know and can’t do so I said then how can you help? Which made it even worst. She just wouldn’t let go. She wanted to give her A YEAR, yes a year free housing, food, etc…. I have a Prius I bought my son that he didn’t like so it sits in the driveway. She wanted me to give it to her too. The girl Doesn’t even know how to drive so I’m supposed to do that too.

I’m so glad her Dad shared what she was really doing to all of her family there. She’s been in and out of all of their homes and torn their relationships apart. No way will I allow these lil takers to live with us or any property we own. I’m glad this happened for 2 major reasons Firstly, my wife learned to remember that she is the softie, so get all the info and advice before standing so firmly on your position. Secondly, I learned to remember that she is way more emotional and her first thought is to give. I never know the real $ amount but she sends $$$ to this neice weekly,her nephew, another sister a cousin and an old friend from high school. These are the folks I know taking a bite every chance they can get Thankfully,I let go of the bad friends and distant family users n takers when I was a young guy in my 20’s.

We aren’t rich by any means. We’re comfortable and secure and that’s mostly because we raised our kids well and they are successful so we a use our funds for us. There will always be a hand asking to be given something in Your life if you don’t set boundaries. I’m comfortable saying no and meaning it, while also standing tall with my position. Our process and resolve was really tested this time, but we have decades of life together. I’m not gonna let any of these folks breakup my home and make us lose our amazing relationship and peaceful happy life together.

Looks like it’s time to shut this one down. Thanks again for the support and great advice.

Bend but don’t break fellas!

I'm happy to hear it finally worked out for you